The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you. I have not met any male friends yet but apparently there are some.

Thanks. It is exhausting.

Totally different type of relationship, but I’ve had a few lodgers over the years. The second one I had was very similar to me and on paper we should have gotten on well (similar age, interests, worked in the same industry). I found her exhausting to live with and it wasn’t until she moved out and I got a totally different person in (complete opposite, a rocket engineer in his mid 20s) who was fab to live with that I realised the issue. She constantly did small things that tested my boundaries. Sub consciously I ended up living in a heightened state of being on alert for my boundaries being crossed. None of these things on their own were terrible, they were all just little things, it was just the continual nature of them which left me constantly on some sort of subconscious alert.

Not to say the same thing is happening here. But I think sometimes we are looking for a single act or behaviour to cross a line before we declare it’s too far. I’m much more wary now that sometimes if a relationship of any kind is just feeling too hard for no apparent reason then perhaps it’s just not a fit. I know you care a lot about Planes, but just make sure you’re keeping yourself and your needs front and centre whatever you decide to do.

@ElleintheWoods Hmmm I see your point, it might indeed feel a bit stalker-ish to be contacted on social media in that way. At the same time, if you feel there’s potential then nothing to lose by giving it a go! I agree maybe giving a bit of time would help.

@Ilovelurchers Good luck with Mr Village!

Mystery date with Mr Charismatic tonight! I’m assuming it’s still on at least. He invited me 2 weeks ago, and in typical Mr C style I haven’t heard from him since Wednesday, when he said he was having a stressful work week. To be fair, so was I, so it hasn’t bothered me that he’s not been in touch since… in any case, if it is still on, I’m quite intrigued by what on earth we could be doing.

So exciting - will he turn up and whisk you off somewhere, or are you meeting him somewhere? What's the plan?

I would LOVE a mystery date ....

Did he tell you what sort of thing to wear?

@Ilovelurchers He asked me to meet him at his place early evening, wearing something smart casual (he said what I wore on our recent date to a wine bar or similar was perfect). I am excited!

@Nosdacariad hope all goes as well as it can xx

Mr Mullet is coming round tomorrow. I think it will be make or break for me so I will see how it goes. Have a little day out planned but I'm already guessing he won't stay the night.

Mr Hat has asked to see me on Sunday so I might do that.

This sounds so romantic! I can't remember anyone ever taking me on a surprise date - not for years, anyway.....

Hat sounds keen! And so he should be - you are the prize! And you are a lovely, kind, intelligent woman - never forget that!

And just remember that you owe Mullet nothing. Given how he has behaved with the texting of others during dates - if you decide tomorrow that you aren't feeling comfortable for any reason, you are well within your rights to ask him to leave. Don't let Mullet call all the shots - he doesn't deserve to!

A couple of days ago I matched on Hinge with a previous Bumble match - I think I had a name for him but can't remember it now, so I am going with Mr Cat.

Unusually for me, the thing that strikes me most about this one is his looks - he is drop dead gorgeous (to me - it's so subjective) - I can really imagine feeling strong chemistry if we met... The chat isn't bad either - he is friendly and fun, though we don't have loads in common.

But the reason I unmatched him before is that he would never actually commit to a date and would disappear for a bit if I pushed too hard for one. And I sense the same may be happening again.

I ought to just unmatch, oughtn't I? I am just very aware that all my eggs are currently in a Mr Village-shaped basket, and if Village stands me up tomorrow, or turns out to be awful in some way, or doesn't want to pursue things, I know I will be upset, so I think I am trying to line up alternative options so that I won't feel TOO down-hearted....

But Mr Cat isn't much of a option really if he won't meet!

It's proper frustrating...... I wonder if the heat is making me tetchier than usual too .....

I think it is completely fine to pursue things with Mr Cat, @Ilovelurchers as long as he grows a pair and actually commits to a meeting. I would give him one chance then un-match. That is about him being flakey, not about Mr Village.

I get that mentally you are all in for Mr Village, but who knows what he will turn out to be like in person (I hope amazing, obviously). These things can change and I think early dating is about keeping options open (she says, having not opened Bumble since meeting Mr Physics). I hope all goes well tomorrow!

Hope everyone has fab dates this weekend!

@CleanShirt have you raised the texting whilst on dates with you to Mr Mullet? So disrespectful. I hope all goes well x

@Nosdacariad hope things work out for you with Planes. The fact you're saying it's exhausting and you've not been that happy makes me wonder if you'd be better cutting him loose - save yourself constantly being on alert. However, I get that the heart wants what it wants so please just make sure you look after yourself x

@BoxOfCats ooh how exciting, look forward to hearing about it! He seems to be putting a lot of effort into you 😍

My OLD experience has been pretty crap so far. Been on Hinge for 5 weeks & been through the lot 3 times 😂 Joined Bumble this week & have "completed" that too lol. Just doesn't seem to be anyone I'd be interested in on there within my area & those I have swiped on haven't swiped back... 6 matches in total in 5 weeks - 1 date, been ghosted, had matches who message once then go silent. I don't think I'm a bad catch...Last week I thought maybe I was being too choosy so lowered my "criteria" but ended up matching with who I'll call Mr Asbo - the red flags were flying high!! 😬

Anyway, that's my moan for today haha. I hope everyone has fun plans for what looks to be a hot weekend! X

@NervesOfCotton Yes I don’t get these people… If you can see a complete profile and find the person interesting, fair enough… But what are people getting out of a no picture/ no profile scenario?

@MsJinks @BoxOfCats I’d say becoming obsessed with a fairly random stranger off the internet just because their academic publications look impressive and you know they’re single is a dangerous game! I shall forget about him, there are 1000s of other people. Suppose someone like him getting my attention informed me on what I want though - someone genuinely impressive in terms of what they do with their life.

Will indeed be out and about in a little dress + good hair this weekend 😊

@Mildred007 What kind of person are you looking for? And I suppose that’s not the usual demographic in your area?

@Ilovelurchers Yes, you probably should just unmatch. I understand what you mean about needing some other potential options in the background in case it doesn’t work out with Mr Village. Increasingly I’m trying not to think this way myself though. I realised I was just keeping Mr Nomad around so that regardless of who I was dating I still had another option. I’m increasingly realising that it’s fine not to have any options - because I am fine on my own. And that’s an incredibly freeing place to be.

I have just woken up to a really disturbing message on Hinge....

Guy I only matched with last night, had exchanges a couple of messages - nothing unusual.

His most recent one which I woke up to just now referred to the fact I work with children and asked whether I "get to spank the pupils". Though he had misspelled it so as to evade their filters I guess.

I have reported him of course - guess there is not much else I can do, though I also took screenshots of the message and his profile just in case..

Obviously I'd never want anything else to do with him either way, but do you think it's possible it's just a really really badly judged, stupid attempt at humour? Because the only alternative seems to be, that he is seeking a "partner in crime" in a much more literal sense than they usually mean it. Disgusting, vile man if that's the case.....

There is zero that's funny about that 😱

Oh Jesus Christ - what a vile specimen- well done for reporting him and hope you are ok 💐

I can’t imagine there is any good, or even terrible, humorous potential here - every single average person also knows it would not be something to joke about anyhow, so there are issues here whatever - and either way you have dodged a bullet and helped others do the same.

Hope your day gets better x

@IlovelurchersHow disturbing!! Hope you are ok

Posting from my date with Mr C. He’s in the kitchen finishing up making us a pork belly dish for dinner. I’m drinking some lovely wine and listening to some wonderful 60s jazz music on his record player. There is mood lighting and everything. Then apparently heading off to mystery location shortly…

Urgh, that’s horrible and if it was a joke then not funny at all. You were right to report him.

I’ve been super busy this week so just been catching up with all the many, many messages on here!

@BoxOfCats the mystery date sounds exciting! Can’t wait to hear where he takes you.

@Nosdacariad sorry to hear that more has come out about Planes. He does sound a bit of a character! I’m not sure what to make of all these exes but you have your eyes wide open and I think just need to keeping checking in with yourself that the stress is worth it.

@Ilovelurchers good luck for your date with Mr Village and here’s hoping he’s as good in person.

My date with Mr Musical has been postponed as he has some life stuff to deal with. It seems genuine so I’ll have to see if it still happens once things settle down. Fingers crossed as I do quite like him…

I went a date on Thursday with a Hinge match, Mr Culture. I had been on the verge of sending him a ‘I don’t think this is going to work’ message beforehand as he was messaging once every few days which is a bit too infrequent for me but then he suddenly asked me out.

He was attractive but though it was a pleasant evening I didn’t think we really gelled. I’m not bothered to see him again and he has messaged but not mentioned a 2nd date so I think the feeling’s mutual. It does prove to me that I need more than just good looks as he was shaggable and I’m open to a FWB but I just couldn’t warm to him.

Just starting chatting to one on Bumble who seems nice but won’t give him a name yet as it’s too early!

That sounds like an idyllic evening already - have an amazing night!

Sounds fantastic! ❤️