Partner wants me out and I do not feel able to cope alone

[Purplehearts45]

He keeps trying to chuck me out the house he said your gone after I made a mess several times in the bathroom . recently I spoke to some people at a shop they asked if I was okay so I told them a bit about my situation, the girl at the shop said I could talk to her anytime so I said some things about my situation he then said he wanted to talk to me the people at the mushroom shop had told everything we both said to him he said he had enough , he said this is why we have to move on I feel betrayed by the people in the mushroom shop they misquoted what I’d said he was angry.

He also he I was very miserable a while back he said we are selling the house as I came home after a few bears I was a bit tipsy my daughter was being cared for by him . I can’t do anything right I have no friends as they are ignoring me as they are busy my neighbour is in a bad way and wants to be left alone I’ve only got him and my daughter, my mum is too busy to see me very often , she told me to toughen up which wasn’t helpful she told me not to cry over losing my family and the house he says I go on about myself which he calls me a nightmare but I’m struggling I got discharged from mental health services recently they said I’m fine I’m not I’m taking antidepressants my antipsychotic s and benzos I’m only taking about my self as I’m struggling and looking for support I’m feeling scared about losing my family and my home , a social worker has tried to get me a flat by myself but that wouldn’t work I need supported accommodation i really wouldn’t cope living on my own

OP, can you try to think of what’s best for everyone (you, DD, ex) in the long run?

from what you’ve posted, I think it would be best if you were living alone while your DD lives with ex. You could get external help from professionals to rebuild your independence and stability. You could spend time with your DD while knowing she had a safe and stable home life.

the longer you refuse to move out, the more distress all 3 of you are suffering.

I don’t think OP is coping and it’s clear she needs more help than any of us could offer her.
She is clearly stuck ruminating in a very bad place.
I do feel for her daughter.
She clearly can’t process what any of us are saying.
I think it’s very sad and reflection of what must happen in a lot of families where someone needs help and either won’t accept it or it’s not appropriate.

Please speak to your social worker. This is a very worrying situation

OP- putting your issues aside for a moment and putting your daughter at the centre of this, realistically what is the most important thing that could happen to massively improve her quality of life? What is best for her (not you)? She’s a helpless child trapped in this situation - she has no agency, but you do.

Have you been assessed for social supported housing, he is not a good support for you. All these things he accuses you of, have you ever caused any damage to the house or harmed yourself and he just can't cope any more.

So if you can’t cope alone what’s your next step? That doesn’t involve your partner or child as they clearly need to be living away from you for their own mental health, especially your daughter. So rather than constantly posting here, which is doing no one any good, are you thinking about how you can go about finding some kind of assisted living and putting it into place? Because if you really want help, and not just sympathy, then that’s what you would be doing now, right?

You are gong round in circles. None of this “he said, she said” and point scoring matters. The situation is toxic, almost certainly adding to your mh issues and borderline self harm, and you need a clean break and engagement with mh professionals to give you more support and confidence to recover. You refusing to move out is perpetuating the misery of you all.

from this I would say you might be the victim of narcissistic abuse. Gaslighting by the sounds of it. Making you feel crazy? And you’re reacting. You need to leave and get your life back.if this is covert narcissistic abuse I wouldn’t be leaving a child with him either.

What is it that you won’t cope with if you live alone? Is it health issues that you will struggle with? Social services may be able to help you put a care package in place.
And if you feel you can’t cope alone, does that mean he’s currently support you with certain things and you’d struggle to manage without that help? What does he support you with?

I won't say whether he was or wasn't but her ex has tried to get away for several years and has divorced her, he also has permanent custody of DD. I don't think he is the problem.

Op is not well enough to provide a stable environment for dc and prioritise her wellbeing. Unfortunately he is the better option and there is no suggestion he treats her badly.

I know you say you wouldn’t cope alone, so what support is he giving you that you need?

They are still living together despite him first asking her to leave some years ago and I don't see there would be any advantage to him letting her stay this long. He has custody of their shared child and it's his house. He could have evicted her by now. Difficult to tell but he may simply be struggling to cope with OP's issues, rather than anything more sinister.

Totally agree.

@Purplehearts45 - how old is your daughter, and who is actually looking after her now?

Have you contacted your social worker or mental health team yet? If not, why not.

You are clearly in desperate need of help, but this won’t be forthcoming unless you are proactive and engage with services.

I think @Purplehearts45‘s dd is 11.

We don't know, maybe op wants supported living in the house, with carers coming in to help her manage, that's up to op and social services or the mental health team to arrange, we don't know if op gets any help or if there might be a reason shes not been evicted and rehoused but I dont think well get a straight answer.. If the situation is this bad I'm surprised she is still living with him,

Is that was op has posted before,that's sad to hear

Can you say how you came to the tired, overused “gaslighting” accusation @Wolverine23 ?

are you just being prejudiced and lazy, so because op is female and her ex isn’t doing what she wants…. HE’S AN ABUSER!!!!! ?

I’m not entirely sure, it sounds like it could be. She is saying he wants her out but he can’t just kick her out and wheee does she say anything about her daughter wanting her out? I might have missed some of that. We don’t know the whole story but she’s saying he is accusing her of eating food, has a list of stuff she’s doing wrong. The talking loudly on the phone is a red flag. I got told off for that once and I wasn’t even talking lout, and my ex made a big thing out of it, turned nasty but he can do it constantly. Sounds like gaslighting there. She clearly needs help but he does sound pretty awful too. She does need to get out and away from him to rebuild her life. Her mental health may just improve but she’s scared maybe after years of being with him. I’m not defending him because I don’t know if he’s ‘tired’ or there is more to this.

It’s his house, they’re already divorced and he has full residency of their child. He hasn’t just ‘kicked her out’, he’s been asking her repeatedly to find somewhere else to live for years and she won’t go.

Why won't you ask your social worker for help to find supportive housing?

Supported housing is not the same as supported living which can be arranged in your own home but goodness knows what op wants, needs or expects. I'm surprised she's still living there tbh especially if they are divorced, it's his house and he's been asking her to leave but op never gives us a straight answer.

If he doesn’t want to live with you then you have to move out. You keep saying you can’t live alone but give no example of what you would struggle with. Seek support with those things outside your family. I’m assuming your daughter is stuck in the middle of this?

You have been assessed as not requiring supported accommodation so no you dont need it.
Honestly this needs to stop now as what you want and deem nesscary is irrelevant. You need to take the flat offered and work with social services to put a suitable care package in place that has no involvement with your ex or dd.

This whole situation has occurred because of the choices and unreasonable demands that you have made and your decisions to keep trauma dumping on everyone to the extent that nobody in real life can take it anymore and posting the same things on mumsnet so often that we all recognised your old username and just started reporting your threads, even with a new username we can still recognise you after just 1 post. Enough is enough now this has been going on for years and its just getting worse for everyone because you wont accept that he wants nothing else to do with you

Its not.
The op has admitted over her years of posting about this that she is abusing both her ex and her dd.
Her ex has full custody of their dd and the op has lost all responsibility for her dd.
The op is the problem and has driven her entire family including her mum away with the constant trauma dumping of the same things on repeat. This poor bloke is at his wits end with her.