Partner wants me out and I do not feel able to cope alone

[Purplehearts45]

He keeps trying to chuck me out the house he said your gone after I made a mess several times in the bathroom . recently I spoke to some people at a shop they asked if I was okay so I told them a bit about my situation, the girl at the shop said I could talk to her anytime so I said some things about my situation he then said he wanted to talk to me the people at the mushroom shop had told everything we both said to him he said he had enough , he said this is why we have to move on I feel betrayed by the people in the mushroom shop they misquoted what I’d said he was angry.

He also he I was very miserable a while back he said we are selling the house as I came home after a few bears I was a bit tipsy my daughter was being cared for by him . I can’t do anything right I have no friends as they are ignoring me as they are busy my neighbour is in a bad way and wants to be left alone I’ve only got him and my daughter, my mum is too busy to see me very often , she told me to toughen up which wasn’t helpful she told me not to cry over losing my family and the house he says I go on about myself which he calls me a nightmare but I’m struggling I got discharged from mental health services recently they said I’m fine I’m not I’m taking antidepressants my antipsychotic s and benzos I’m only taking about my self as I’m struggling and looking for support I’m feeling scared about losing my family and my home , a social worker has tried to get me a flat by myself but that wouldn’t work I need supported accommodation i really wouldn’t cope living on my own

Your approach to the relationship is as tho he is your parent, in that you won't accept that he can want to end the relationship. He may have seemed to provide the same support as a parent to you, but he doesn't have the obligations that parents do, to not give up, and to support a child even when they are really hard to deal with.

Try to understand that you need to work on finding your next place to live, and planning a future, while he looks after the child, which is, and should be, his priority.

OP, you say you have nowhere to go. Have you actively looked for somewhere?
You say his reasons are unfair, but as many people have pointed out, his reasons don't have to be fair in your opinion. He doesn't want to be with you.
If he doesn't love you and doesn't want to care for you, that's entirely his decision. You are insisting that he consider your needs and continue in a relationship and a living situation that you want but he no longer wants to consider your needs.
It's not what you want to hear but from all the threads you have started, that is what comes across very clearly. You won't get any different responses because there are none to give.
You need to speak with your social worker and your mental health team and you need to make other arrangements.
All your posts are about what YOU want and feel you need. They are never about what your daughter wants or needs and that's quite worrying.

From his perspective he wants to leave, he is at his wits end, you've forced him to stay in a relationship he doesn't want to be in by refusing the help that has been offered to you by social services, you're non-compliant with medication and you have substantial care needs that you expect him to fulfill. You must be because you've stated that you feel you need supported living and you wouldn't cope in a flat. You're not coping in the home you're in.

You've changed your story from tried to clean up your own faeces, to did clean up your own faeces and yet somehow he still noticed a mess in the bathroom which he wouldn't have if you had cleaned up.

You're feeling sorry for yourself and are going round telling local proprietors of businesses he is likely to shop at and be known to that he is truly an awful human being and you're wondering why he wants to sell the house and the marriage to end.

He has sole custody of your child although you live together. I'm sure social services did not want that to be the case either.

Nobody is saying he isn't being horrible to you, he is. But you've been offered helping hand after helping hand to get out of that situation and you refused it. You don't want to be independent or work on your mental and physical health and you don't respect him enough to care that he doesn't want you in his life.

You've been with him for 20 years. 20 years! If he lives to 80 you'll have taken a quarter of his life and his healthiest years because you refuse to move on.

You want what you can't have. You want supported living, you don't qualify, you rejected the offer for a flat of your own. You want to stay in this relationship, you complain it is toxic and broken down and you don't want to leave.

I'm the biggest disability advocate and you sound substantially disabled, but you're using your disability to control another living breathing person and in all of this you don't seem to spare a thought for your daughter in all of this and how dysfunctional this is for her.

What have you done today to try and secure alternative accommodation for yourself OP?

Reporting this thread OP. I can’t work out if you’re not genuine (in many ways I hope this is a bored teen, but other posters have indicated this is a pattern so maybe not). You’ve had time to post on here but not time to contact your social worker. You’ve clearly no interest in the fact that this is domestic abuse. You are tormenting this man psychologically and forcing your child to watch. I hope he finds alternative accommodation and can rebuild the damage you’re causing. He’s told you how he feels, your refusal to accept the consequences of your behaviour isn’t his fall out to deal with.

Contact your social worker for help with accommodation.

Try to put your child first here. Think what damage witnessing all this is doing to her.

OP I do get it, I really do. I’ve been married 30 years. I’ve had mh issues the last few years. My husband has been supportive but I’m sure there are times he’s wanted to jack it all in. And if he did, I’d accept it. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him to live with somebody who doesn’t even know if they’re alive anymore. Somebody who hears voices telling them to hurt others. Who has put others in danger. Who’s been sectioned and had the police to the house. Hell, I’m not even sure mumsnet is real anymore, I spend hours assuming it’s all in
my head and I’m actually dead and stuck in limbo between worlds.
But if he said it was over, I’d move out. Our kids are grown up although two have moved home. But I know he’s the stability that’s needed at home. He could pay the bills, maintain the house etc. I’d have to move on and I’m also not sure I’d cope alone but that’s my issue, not his.

I get that times are tough. I’m willing to guess you need more support than you’re getting. Cost cutting is real. Support services are woeful. When I wrote down what’s happened to me with regards to support recently, I don’t understand it. It makes me believe my life can’t be real as I don’t believe that somebody could be treated this way.

But you have a social worker. Take their help. Try it. Leave your husband to concentrate on your daughter. Move on.

This thread can’t be real!

The poster had been posting for five years with the same issue.

Tbh at this point im seriously judging the bloke for not putting their child first and doing whatever it takes to stop living with the op.

We don't know the real situation, if its even a real thread, or what child arrangements are in place if social services are involved.

Yes you do. You've been offered a flat, take it.

Where you go isn't his problem, he's been telling you to leave for years, it's not cruel, you're taking the piss and where will you go when the house is sold? You physically cannot stay.

I’m not taking the piss he hasn’t been telling me to leave for years I don’t have to live alone

Who says you don’t have to live alone?

If noone wants to live with you you have to live alone. You're not owed a companion.

Yes you do unless you can find someone willing to live with you.
Your ex and your dd dont want to live with you anymore, do the right thing for everyone and move out asap

You do need to live alone because nobody wants to live with you.
Not a nice thing to hear but it’s the truth.
Please start making plans for your future.

If you haven't found someone who wants a roommate, you can get your own place, even if it is a room in shared house situation

Again? If you need support to live alone then you need a referral to adult social services or the appropriate body. Nobody has to live with you if they don’t want to. This relationship is dead in the water.

Social worker is helping op to find a flat, op wants supported housing or to stay where she is, it doesn't seem to matter that her partner wants her out.

I wouldn’t cope alone why can’t you see that I would need supported living he doesn’t want to live with me as hes made a huge long list of things I do if I want to buy a phone I can and shoes I won’t buy anymore I don’t eat all the food that’s a lie he got annoyed with me for talking loudly on the phone he said I hit myself in the head I was very distressed I didn’t mean to he said I go on about myself that’s cause I’m upset I talk about other things too

You can't cope alone?

Have you even tried?

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MUSHROOM SHOP?

OP I wonder if your ex could speak to your mental health team? I'm surprised he hasn't tried to get you sectioned.

You say you can't cope alone but have you tried? Have you asked your social worker and mh team to help?

Your ex husband doesn't want you anymore or care for you. it's time to leave.

So why is this his problem?