The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

But why would you want to go on a date with someone who wants you to be something you're not? Surely it's better to be confident in who you are, and if that's not for someone, ultimately it's their loss.

I'm not being rude, but a lot of your posts come across as somewhat desperate. Ask yourself why you are so desperately want to be with someone, anyone, right now? Is it just that you're lonely, or are you going into it with honest intentions?

I ask because from what you've been saying about the large numbers of people you're swiping on (60-70 you said in a previous comment) makes me think that you're not being particularly discerning. Chances are, if you saw 70 people out in real life, you wouldn't be interested in all of them.

But here you are, actively spending your free time doing something that doesn't make you feel good, and is actually making you feel worse. Why?

Dating apps are awful for the majority of people, not just you. The reality is that for the millions and millions of people on them, they only actually work for a very small percentage of users. They prey on people's loneliness and insecurities by encouraging you to pay to have your profile more visible, etc. Personally, I don't understand why anyone still uses them - because they just seem so cold and clinical.

I think you really should think about stepping away from them and working on yourself - as many other posters have said repeatedly, but which you continue to ignore.

An update from my date last night with Mr Finance….had really poor signal in the bar so couldn’t update from the loo!

So it went quite well and I had a really nice time however I didn’t feel any chemistry.

He met me at the train station in the city centre and we had a few soft drinks in a bar, chatted for about 2ish hours and tbh I laughed so much! We’ve got a similar sense of humour and it did feel like we clicked in many ways. Then he walked me back to the station. When we got to the platform he asked if he could kiss me, so I thought “sure why not” 🤷🏼‍♀️ He then asked me message him when I got home safe.

Ive been left feeling a bit flat but I’ve been comparing things to my first date with my ex. We had an unbelievable connection, dare I say it before we even met, and there were fireworks on our first date. I know I shouldn’t compare though and it’s not fair to him. He ticks soooo many boxes.

There hasn’t been any chat of meeting again although he did say in his message last night he had a great time. I think if he asks to meet again then I’ll give things another chance.

@b0zza1 I’d say it’s quite a Portuguese/ southern European way of communicating, less game playing, more keenness. It’s not yet ‘embarrassing’ to be interested in women over there, especially for his age group.

I find it in my work also though, Portuguese men (and some women) are very keen communicators.

And equally he might really really fancy you 😇

I think that’s fair enough - OLD by its nature means you can’t be sure you’ll be interested in person - I definitely avoided message attachment this time around as it’s so easy to fall into. I guess I looked at it as a pleasant night out with another adult whether attraction or not - I haven’t enough to do I think lol! But it also can get wearing - or it has before. Guess maybe quick swipe and meet fast?

I’m completely on board with your view of drinking - if I’ve driven eg then I seriously don’t want to watch someone else get slowly tipsy! Conversely had a date with a tee totaller - meal - I did have a lager to take edge off my nerves, but felt awkward, so that wasn’t great either, and I think mainly I wouldn’t drink with a non drinker - unless they had chosen to take me on a big out out club type date and then I doubt I’d manage!

However, I could potentially see a possibility I saved out out for my friends and no beer for a partner - not my preference maybe but definitely possible. I definitely don’t have wine every time with a meal and mainly never drink at home - my in in dates with Mr Tree are completely sober ones too - and I prefer it tbh than the alcoholic ones with the past Mr Situationship- it is very difficult to tell what level of drinking a person may be happy with though I know.

Oh - I’ve been there gagging for a date - that’s rubbish lol - probably not best space on decision making for me - I come down to thinking the most weird person may, just may, be ok ha! Though I used to be told men can tell when you’re very interested in catching a guy and you get more interested in you when you’re disinterested - I think I’ve seen it as true as other sayings before as in maybe, might be - not even sure though how that could work on OLD as you’re clearly interested or wouldn’t be on!

You sound like you have lots to do and enjoy life so I’m betting it will come soon and 2026 will have good dates.

Totally agree personally on the plans to have a relationship on OLD - I do get it, have done it, and it’s fair to put it on if that’s your ultimate aim too. However, I just didn’t know this time around - I don’t even know how I’d know if that makes sense! -I’d have been open to one but it wasn’t my aim so put friends, dating I think - I know that’s leaving it open to oh she just wants sex but I can sort that when we move through messaging.

When asked directly what I’m looking for I found it difficult to say but that’s partly my age I guess - I’m in a space where I don’t need full on moving in etc - but basically meet up and see and maybe a nice guy to go out and about with - a friend - maybe a relationship but not even sure what that would look like.

Ooh - glad it was fun and good.

It’s a shame to be a bit flat though. I think I get it - I currently had them from immediately on meeting Mr Tree and I doubt it would be so easy again - and that would disappoint me! However with Mr Not for Me date pre Mr Tree I had expected none - got none - and that was ok - even did a date 2!

I think sparks can develop slowly though - I’ve been there a bit before - many on here I think have too - so maybe it’s just being able to try something different.

See if date 2 happens then - fingers crossed it does and maybe a slow burn starts.

I don’t think I ever feel an instant spark . Even with the ones I’ve ended up falling hard for

Maybe 3x in 44 (edited as I can’t count!) years -
1 did no more than kiss (17) still half regret that lol - as just why not go for it!
1 I was around 27 - burned out super fast but wow ha.
This 1 at 60! - 8 weeks today - seems ok but fingers heavily crossed! Third time lucky?!

I’ve had maybe another one where by the end of a date I had hots - after a while I found he had this knack with many women and liked to share this too - sigh.

Trust me, the sparks were flying with my ex and we both felt it, was an amazing feeling and never had that before!

I think it has to be mutual doesn’t it? And you can tell - it was in my 3 listed below - I have said Mr Tree probably spoiled future dating, if needed, for a while - I’d got past the 27 year old me a bit ago ha but not got 30 years spare nowadays!

Yes I’m willing to do a date 2 if he asks but I’m not sure I’ll be the one asking. Feel bad because he’s honestly lovely.

I guess feeling the fireworks and sparks with my ex was maybe unusual? We literally got closer and closer as the evening went on until I was practically sitting on his lap 🙈

But like I said, we’ll see what happens with this one x

The only person I did was my ex husband who eventually left me so I ignore sparks like that now 🤣

😂😂😂😂 maybe those sparks are a bad omen then!

Oh god, he’s just messaged asking when he can see me again.

That’s wonderful! Sorry, I find this thread hard to follow. 🤞

What are you going to say?

I must admit I struggle with lack of immediate chemistry. I’ve had so many first dates where the guy has been perfectly pleasant but I just don’t feel like I want to rip his clothes off so I decline a second date.

I honestly have no idea what I’m going to say. I was planning on accepting if he asked, and I knew he would because I could tell last night he was keen. But now that he has I’m just not sure. F**k.

@empirebiscuits12i want Sparks aswell. My Mr Situationship was like that. But I got burnt. A good laugh is great though. Was it lack of physical attraction? Wish Mr Holiday Homes had been Horns. We messaged last night. We might actually turn out to be friends. I still like him that way at least.

No, he looked lovely! He’s definitely an attractive guy and he’s got a lot of charisma too, gift of the gab, which is just my type. I could see him chatting with the bar staff when he was ordering drinks and I like that - someone who will chat away to everyone. It was bucketing down here and bought an umbrella in case I didn’t have one (I did). His manners were impeccable, showed care by making sure I got home okay etc etc.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m not over my ex?

@empirebiscuits12 how long since you split up?

We split up around Xmas and we were together around 10 months. I’ve got a complex family life in that my adult daughter is unwell and requires my attention, and my ex felt like he was never prioritised so left me. Totally blindsided. One day we were in love and all was well, and next day he changed.

I’m not sure how I feel about dating due to not really being over my ex either
however I feel like I need to meet someone who isn’t a lying gaslighting prick in order for me to get over it
it’s a vicious circle

Yeah that's tough. I didn't start dating until 2 years after exh left and still found it difficult!

You know, I had a feeling I wasn’t over my ex however I know he’s not coming back and I wouldn’t have him back anyway after how it ended. But when is the right time? I’ve not went into OLD with the intention of a rebound…. I genuinely want to find my person at last after a disastrous relationship history. But didn’t think I’d feel this way 🤔

That’s exactly how I feel
I don’t want to date
i just wanted my ex to have been who is said he was
But I also don’t want to be alone