The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@UmberSheep 💯

@Ilovelurchers I hope that's not the reason but an early reveal is good x

You know, the older I get, the more I value "can communicate appropriately" as a cornerstone of what I am looking for in a partner. I rather took it for granted, and yet, here we are.

I had a nice phone call a couple of nights ago and a date with him next week. I do find these opening "getting to know someone from scratch" stages really tricky. In real life you have some sort of shared experience - it feels like a real pressure to get to know everything about someone, for the purpose of dating them, all in one go.

No. I’ve sent him a message. I have a big trip coming up. No point kicking the can down the road. If he was more local and I was around I would have gone for a second date.

Well done - sounds like the right call.

Onwards and upwards!

@UmberSheep would you only not reply to a message from a guy, if their profile was normal but not amazing?

@ForRedSharkI know you didn’t ask me but It’s not about the profile, it’s about the red flags mentioned above. Lying on their profile. If this is how they start off with dating then how much worse is it going to get?! If a guy doesn’t have the decency to tell the truth at the beginning then there’s no hope. You need to stop focusing on other men’s profiles and what attracts women to them, because everyone has different preferences.

I think you’ve done the best thing - were the lies significantly out of line with his age/height? It doesn’t matter really - it is the lie that counts more than the years or inches.

Onwards and upwards!

@empirebiscuits12 i totally understand that. I dont condone lying. But this about this.

If you are a 60 year old man. And women swipe left on your age.

The only way you will get a date, is to shave off 4 years. So you shave it off. You are now 56.

Then you get dates. Ok they wont last as you will be exposed.

But if you said you were 60, you were getting none.

Not Umber either - but I prefer a normal profile - whatever normal is I guess. The OTT narratives or a total missive of humour puts me off a bit.

I want actual true facts - age/height/job etc. You will be found out if you lie.

Then a bit about themselves - without screaming red flags - such as around how they’re fed up of women, no drama required (sigh) - I’ve even seen profiles saying things like ‘I look good, so I want my woman to look good’ - I mean often they don’t even! And then it’s just individual isn’t it - white nationalist is a big no from me, but mightn’t be for someone else, spends all weekends free climbing and looking for a partner - it’ll never be me!

Photos are discussed endlessly on here - just like normal photos preferably for me with a smile.

You seem to be staying obsessed with what will catch a woman - the best thing to be is yourself - you will be more than enough for the right lady.

And get out and about in the wild too!

60 is a cut off for some searches - but not all - I look at 60, well 58-64 - I can sometimes see they are not 64, or had a very harsh paper round! Then when chatting you may start to realise depending how much shaved off.

I may possibly accept 58/59 instead of 60 - in fact I did with Mr Situationship acceot 48 instead of 50 and other convenient lies rolled in the next decade so maybe I wouldn’t again. I’d not have accepted 56. Thing is it just is the first lie before you’ve met. And it indicates too they’re just desperate for a date to the point they’ll lie - be who you are - it is much more attractive.

I can’t be arsed to lie - I am 60 - and was 60 on OLD and will be again if Mr Tree goes wrong - I got 2 separate dates, plenty of conversations still.

I’m not sure I understand how your original question links.

On height - I’m actually not judgmental of a 5’6 guy who might put he is 5’7/5’8 on his profile. I understand where that comes from, and the problem there has been created by a problems in our society (men should be tall, women thin/smily/wear make up etc). However, if it combines with other lies and any weird behaviour, then it becomes dodgy to me. One white lie to add an inch to height is very different from a combination of issues. I find the age lie weird and misleading and if a man does it, he should say so before meeting.

On your question - I reply to a guy if he asks interesting questions, makes me laugh and doesn’t make me feel pressured in any way. I can barely remember what my now boyfriend’s profile had on it, but it definitely wasn’t that good a profile.

Perhaps he was joking but it shows a lack of ‘know your audience’. If you wonder whether you should say something or not, then the answer is you shouldn’t say it!

I do find some guys with ‘important’ jobs can be a little self-important and almost need an audience to discuss their work projects. I don’t mind as I find it quite interesting learning the ins and outs of various industries, but I do quite a ‘boring’ job, something like an accountant, and I find the split is about 90/10 in terms of whose job is discussed more 🙈

What are the next steps with these candidates? 😋

Mr Dark Matter appears to have ghosted me, after I opined that self-irony is one of the most important qualities someone can have.

Not that he has asked my opinion on this, you understand - that would have been a question, and he doesn't do those! I just got bored and decided to start answering questions he hadn't actually asked. He tried manfully to wrench the conversation back to himself for a while. But my self irony comment was clearly too rich for his blood!

You have to see the funny side, don't you? Onwards and upwards. Or onwards and sideways, maybe. Onwards, anyway.

Well, my laptop has been slammed shut and I’m about to start getting ready for my date with Mr Finance….wish me luck! 🍀

@empirebiscuits12 have a great time!

@Ilovelurchers sounds like a bit of a lucky escape tbh

@Nosdacariad thank you for that podcast recommendation, it's really interesting!

Mr Mullet continues to be in contact. He is slightly skewing the conversation towards sex but not all the time (and I may have ended up at his last week) so I'm not too mad.

He's coming to me Sunday morning and has already told me what breakfast he's bringing... He's sweet.

@UmberSheep @MsJinks thanks. Im trying to rule or iron out reasons as to why i never get any matches on these dating apps, when Im just a normal guy living in the NE.

Hence i asked as to why you wouldnt reply to a man. My profile has no negatives, no bad words or bad statements. Or fish photos.Or badmouthing an ex. Its all positive.

On my profile i mention my hobbies, and what im looking for. Its breezy. I have 3 photos of me smiling, and 1 not. 2 full length photos. 1 of me playing tennis.

And i still get no matches.

@MsJinks im 5 foot 8, as you were mentioning height.

Good luck! What sort of date is it?

@CleanShirtSo cute! Hope you enjoy Sunday 🙂

i know I said was giving the online dating a break but here I am. Matched with mr clever last Saturday consistent texts. He asked me to meet last night I couldn’t make so arranged for today. I’ve text to confirm plans ect. He said he still does want to meet me but has his kids so will work out timing. It’s now 6:30 and I don’t know whether to start getting ready I’m not the kind who can just be ready in 10 minutes..

That makes me mad. I'd just tell him not to bother.

It’s moving on - sounding promising. Enjoy Sunday breakfast 😀

Ugh - I’d get anxiety - could you set a personal cut off so you decide if it gets to a certain time you’re not going whatever - then if he texts later let him know it’s too late and you have other plans? He may then be more up for like actual planning next time.

Have a lovely evening - and don’t forget our update lol!

Ugh - or haha - these guys are so fragile and self important.

It’s all resolved now at least - and definitely onwards but any direction may bear fruit - life is a mystery - and OLD more so.