The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I know people swap insta now and then it may build I guess. I was given someone’s Instagram myself other week - he’s probably now noticed I follow 2 people and am followed by around same, and won’t be spreading the word on his writing like I guess he hoped ha! First time it happened to me but I’m a Luddite on it so whilst I want to use it to share one of my focuses I still need time to get to grips with it - sigh.

Definitely my kids used sm in a very different way around 15-20 years ago to how I did and how they do now - but made friends/dates on there easily. One daughter still joins groups of things online and they have meets and she’s made friends/dates that way.

I think supermarkets have been around a bit as an idea - or at least pop up every so often as an idea. I have an ex who could have done this - he’d had a long term relationship from bumping into them at a petrol station of all places - I’ve never managed anything like it ha. I think maybe it used to be easier to follow up in the wild at some point - maybe when mobile numbers could be swapped but not so many dating sites you didn’t bother not following up? Though now there’s Insta as an easy start?

I go to a sort of hobby and see plenty of folk there and then 100s or even 1000s at events - my daughter thinks I could just therefore magically meet someone from there as she saw quite a lot of old people when she joined me once 👀 and as obviously stuff in common. But no whilst it’s great meeting and talking to new people this has never been a thing - maybe it is for some.

It’s a hard one - be interesting to know stats of where folk mainly get together - so easy when you pulled at slow song in a club in the dark ages ha!

@MsJinks nowadays i see the type of women on Hinge, that i most likely would have got a reply from - had this been 5 years ago in 2021.

But in 2026, they arent replying! It is hard work.

Surely meeting women offline or when out in the daytime may be better? Do any of you like being approached outside of a bar, or not?

It would be my absolute dream for someone to walk up to me in a bar and offer to buy me a drink. I actually think if I knew he was single I would almost do this to a bloke. Not necessarily anyone’s fault but have chatted way too much to Mr Holiday Horns before meeting.

@duckingclueless but in a bar, how could we tell that youre single?

Not even a sniff of a response from my Hinge match, but did some more swiping as although I 'completed' Hinge this weekend, some more new people have joined i guess or unfrozen their accounts.

Actually hit the YES button so to speak, on 2 of the 5 accounts. Which is crackers as usually i go through honest to go, over 100, if not 200, men before I like even one. I think Hinge definitely is sneaky and keeps some in reserve.

Anyway, I've reorganized all my drawers (not a euphemism) and they are a thing of beauty.

Keeping busy with getting everything ready and sorted around the house for starting work Monday, while thinking about my unrequited ridiculous love, and checking Hinge every hour lol

@Becky3825 , would you be open to being approached when youre out? Even if its in a shop or something?

Surely there is a better way than Hinge.

Are you worried there will be nothing left to say on the date? Or is it the more you hear from him the more it’s putting you off?

I’m feeling that way about Mr Cyclist as we matched early May but don’t have a date scheduled until next weekend. He seems nice but I don’t think we have masses in common so I’m not sure how it’s going to be when we meet in person. Feel like if I’ve stuck it out this long I may as well meet him and find out!

When’s your date?

No not worried at all about that. Just worried that the physical attraction will be there. I really like who he seems to be as a person. 🤞

Tomorrow! V. Excited. This is my first date in 30 years! It could easily go either way for you and for me.

I find being approached off putting and awkward to be honest.
I have no issue to chatting to new people whether they are men or women, but not in the scenario of a bar or a shop its obvious then what someone is looking for. However, if you are doing an activity/hobby and just get chatting then who knows what it could lead to

Why not take our advice and join some hobby/activity groups you enjoy and let things happen organically with like minded females?

I find it quite creepy that there are people out there who are literally just scouting for people to date/sleep with.

Invest in yourself, do things you enjoy and live your life without pressuring yourself to be finding someone

Exciting! I’ll keep my fingers crossed - I’ve been on a couple of dates where they actually looked better than the profile pictures so I was pleasantly surprised.

Physically I like the look of Mr Cyclist and he seems really nice, he’s just not the type I would usually go for. Looking at my track record though, maybe that’s a good thing?!

I had to half give up on types in a physical sense at age 60 - but they have to do same too I think haha - but I’ve tried before, made no odds to the catastrophes I was used to trying back then.

At 60 I find I can still find that buzz/attraction thing that is non identifiable with the person who is right - whether right for a few dates or longer - it’s just a ‘thing’ I think that catches you. This isn’t I don’t think relevant to types at all - so it’ll be all good.

Enjoy - oh and update!

Ooh - so exciting. I think you said you’d been messaging a while - I did this time with both dates - conversation just flowed ok for one and amazingly for other when we met - I don’t recommend it in general but it’s how it worked out here and was good - I know it can be a worry of a false connection so just wanted to give my experiences lately, hopefully rest your worry a bit.

So exciting though - enjoy it all - right through getting ready, going, meeting the great date (or, and hopefully not, the funny story!) and you’ve at least got through this big event so be easier from now on however this specific date goes.

2021 was I think a bit of anomaly - I was caring for parents and didn’t use OLD but I’m sure I’ve heard it was different. And imagine strongly it was, as everything just was a bit wild.

So what’s happened between now and then? Did you get a relationship? Did you get out and on with your life? Have you just returned?

If you’ve not long returned then just please don’t expect the same - it changes all the time and so do you - start as a new slate.

I really don’t want to repeat what you’ve been told, and I don’t want to be harsh - but you are over focussing on just how to get ‘a woman’ - any woman it seems like - that’s not good for you or her. You need that connection- I’ve actually spent the majority of my life not in a relationship and that’s ok - I like to think I have a decent full life without - I know you want that partner but you don’t need her.

I really, really don’t want you looking in dark places on t’net for advice, so I continue to answer - I can hear your sadness at it as well sometimes and I know it’s hard for you - but you are over thinking and maybe need a break - get out and do what you actually enjoy - doesn’t matter if females are involved or not. I do love F1 but not to meet men and I enjoy reflexology learning currently - no guys there - I do these things cos I like them - they fill my life nicely. Can you do this?

You love f1?! Me too ❤️

So exciting! Good luck.

I do indeed 🙌 - but covid ruined my booking for July Silverstone 😭 even if it improved OLD lol.

Tbf I’m not likely to meet guys via this as I don’t go to watch - mr situationship’s big advantage though was that he followed it and I could watch every race there. Mr Tree went one (a dozen!) better and put it on for me when he dislikes it, and never told me his own football team were playing until after interviews were done - so lovely.

I really ought to sort out my own viewing now as I do miss the live races.

Lovely to find another female F1 fan 😘

@Polly1979 @MsJinks i have had one or two relationships since 2021, its just that i feel the apps have became worse since then, with one word answers from women, and it all feels a lot harder.

I do social things. I play badminton and padel. There are not many women in those arenas.

I want to go on dates with women. I feel like im missing out, when i dont. It shouldnt be this hard to get chats. It has made me wonder whether i should talk to women during the day more, in shops etc.

@MsJinks @Nosdacariad , I do enjoy my sports, I dont go just to meet women, i like the sports first and foremost.

Just wondered if anybody had any thoughts on a match I've got, that I am quite keen on? I'll call him Mr Dark Matter.

He's currently in another country, but is moving to my city in August, visiting at the end of June. He has been honest about this from the start.

I really like the look of him, and the sound of him, but it's a long time to wait - and I may invest a lot of time in messaging for it all to come to nothing....

Would you bother pursuing this? I have to say I feel a lot more excited about the possibility of him, than about the various dates I have booked in, all of which seem strangely beige.....

Ooh - love the name - is he expanding the universe?

I’d keep messaging and if it continues try to meet in June - but I’d also continue with others - they may seem beige but be different in person?

One thought - might be way off beam - is it the elusiveness/difficulty that gives more of a kick to the interactions with him at all do you think? I mean I can have this trait so might just be projecting.

Was supposed to have a third date with Mr Mullet tonight but the tube strike put an end to that 🙄 we have plans Sunday tho. Still trying to keep a lid on my anxiousness!

You say ‘dates with women’ - is this what you’re missing? The first meeting, nice outing where you’re both probably looking your best, acting your best? Or are you looking for a relationship- so dates but to hopefully meet the right one for at least a bit if not for longer?

I just still get the impression it’s like I say I want to see cats - I do, I love them and haven’t got one at the minute, I go to cat cafes and I hunt down any cat within radius to see if I can fuss it. But I see I’m treating them as non human objects really for my own pleasure more than theirs, though I do accept if their preference is to run away from me!

Women are just other people, like you, like me, like I don’t know is it 8bn on the planet today? You need to think of women as humans too with their own quirks, desires, plans - just like you. And interact with them like you would any other person at work, badminton, friends.

I’m glad you have hobbies for their own sake - I’m surprised these racquet games are heavily male dominated, or do you just mean no women in your age range/available? Doesn’t matter - you’re not there to date them - you’re there to enjoy the game and maybe a bit of socialising with all players - honestly it will be great if you just start mixing and learn we are people too.

Oh no - that’s a bummer - at least it’s moved and hopefully nothing can stop it. 3rd date - moving on nicely then 😀