The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well done on Situationship, and everything crossed for Holiday Horns! X

@ForRedShark Did you ask them if they wear boots? 👀

@Nosdacariad sounds like a wierdo, and its always a bit of a worry when people entertain weirdos or like drama rather than cutting it out of their life. Here is a chance for Mr ✈️ to show you what he's made of in terms of boundaries and prioritising you in a relationship, hoping for you he does what you need 🙏

@Ilovelurchers people can have bat shit crazy ex's i guess, but my concern would be how they are spoken about and how soon it is all discussed and details are shared. Bit much for so early on?

P.s on a different topic - have we had our summer already in the uk?! What a difference in weather in a week 😭

My ex would definitely say I’m bat shit crazy. Very much emotionally deregulated there. Some are bat shit crazy and some are reacting to him? Gun’s don’t go off unless someone pulls a trigger…

Absolutely . My ex’s would describe me as crazy / angry
what they won’t mention is why

Is that going a bit nuclear?

I'm not quite sure how to communicate to him the issue.

I wouldn’t tell him to have a word with her but I’d make it clear that it’s weird and I’d ask him how odd he might feel if your ex was sending him messages out of the blue asking for photos .

Id just say how it made you feel, honestly and politely and let him sort the rest. Its no good "telling" someone what to do in my opinion. You need to let people handle things their own way and see if they consider your feelings/prioritise you

I don’t think it matters if what he said is true or not. Just he negativity alone would put me off. Even if it were true it just a clear sign that he hasn’t really dealt with it in a mature way.

No there is no real difference in the apps. Other people chop and change between them just like we do.

@empirebiscuits12Sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon!

@MsJinksGlad to hear things are moving along well with Mr Tree!

@NosdacariadBizarre behaviour! Hope you can just ignore…

@OneShyQuail @Midnight19 no i didnt ask her if she wore boots, that normally is something that comes up in face to face conversation.

The Hinge chat was going well i thought. Lots of back and forth. Many questions from each side. Then she just unmatched.

Then i got 2 Bumble matches who dont talk at all. Do you get matches that expire and they dont talk?

@ForRedShark yes I get likes that I like back and then even though we’re now a match there is no response from the guy. I just assume that they are swiping right on lots of women without really reading the full profile.

The blocking her, or him speaking to her?

I would block personally as I think it's just weird, and not the sort of message I would want to get. I mean, photos? Of the two of you together? What does she even mean? It's well weird.

I don't think you should necessarily ask him to have a word, but I would hope he would do so of his own accord. Because it's bloody weird behaviour, and I'd be worried it will be a precursor to actual harassment.

I agree. Whether or not she was)us awful, him banging on about it at length was just not appropriate for a first date. And didn't make me feel positively about him.

On reflection, too many red flags - I'm not going to see him again. Now I need to come up with some kind of reason before blocking. Pursuing things with someone else is always a good one ....

I’ve been off grid and the apps and just catching up!

@Ilovelurchers you’re doing the right thing. Even if she was the worst partner ever it’s not appropriate to bring it up on a first date and the talking too much about himself and not asking about you is also a potential red flag.

@ForRedShark I just had two bumble matches who never messaged then expired. I don’t know if they were expecting me to message them as it used to be mandatory for the woman to send the first message. I did make a mental note that I will try and message first next time (sometimes they expire before I get chance).

I have two dates lined up next weekend, one with Mr Cyclist, who I’ve been chatting to for a while but our calendars haven’t lined up, and a new one, Mr Nature. That one’s through Breeze so we can’t chat! He sounds nice but is a bit older than me - I usually go for younger men.

I’ve been doing a fair bit of swiping but not many right swipes. Wondering if I need to try a new app - Tinder perhaps? I did get a couple of dates through it when I did OLD a few years ago.

@Nosdacariad that ex does sound like a bit of a nightmare. So inappropriate to track you down and message you like that! I am on a friendly terms with a couple of exes and would be mad with them if they did that to someone new I was seeing. I hope Planes responds appropriately.

Tons of bumble matches that don’t even start. I am an accidental swiper myself though

@MsJinks it used to be really great about 15-20 years ago. Online dating wasn't as popular back then, but you'd meet friends of friends via social. E.g. someone would comment on something, you'd start a back and forth and suddenly be PMing. It was also so easy for getting to know people you vaguely knew IRL, but who then turned out to be really aligned to you once you got to know them through messages.

It's not as good anymore as social media isn't for 'normal people' anymore. I suppose creators/ personalities still meet that way.

I do find that most men I vaguely consider as prospects are people I already know and that's the way they find a reason to talk to me. Also, if I meet a stranger, I feel safer giving them my Instagram handle rather than committing to a date there and then. Enables people to get to know each other a bit and then decide if there should be a date or not.

Has anyone heard of the supermarket dating concept? https://corporate.asda.com/newsroom/2026/11/02/love-could-be-waiting-in-the-aisles-64-of-brits-fancy-someone-at-their-local-supermarket

I keep seeing good-looking guys at my local! But again, too shy to chat them up, inevitably with my luck they'll be there getting their wife tampons or something! Also thinking we'd probably have little in common other than... needing to eat 😂

I must admit I unmatch people quite frequently. Particularly if we are only a few messages in. I wouldn’t do it to anyone I’ve met IRL.

I unmatched someone over the weekend as he mentioned hunting was one of his hobbies. I’m an animal lover so it was just a no go. Nothing that he did wrong - just not compatible.

I do too. It seems harsh but if something, like the hunting thing (I feel the same over this) means you know it’s a no-go, better to cut loose than for either person to waste any more time.

When I first started OLD I did get quite offended / upset at being abruptly unmatched but mostly it doesn’t bother me now if someone does it and I just think they’re not my person.

Id avoid asking things like that face fo face too tbh.

The thing is you'll never know. Dont focus your energy on analysing why strangers do things. You wouldnt over analyse a conversation in the street with a stranger. If someone disappears after chatting just move on. Focus your energy on being the best version of yourself.
These women owe you nothing, and they can bow out at any time. Yes manners should count, but men are the same they often just disappear.

Best attitude to have is that your person wouldnt treat you like that. When its right its effortless and easy.

@OneShyQuail thanks and youre right, when its more the right sort of person, it is more effortless. Just wish that happened more often!

Has anyone else noticed that the apps now seem to be a lot worse than 5 years ago?

I’ve been on/off apps for 2 decades nearly - lol or cry I don’t know - much more off though. Never paid and only used probably not the best though well known free ones, to give context. Also I’ve obviously aged 20 years so do hit different demographics anyway over time.

20 years ago it was imo pretty different- some guys had their heads in a sewer, or were there to be awful, but otherwise and mainly I had decent conversations, several decent dates and stayed friends with 2 for a while.

Returning around 4 years later it had sunk a bit and dates were fewer, stranger (lots of not like photo) and I left more quickly. In around 2014 it was literally gutter diving but still a limited number of connections, normal folk, and I ended up with Mr Situationship- ok but not great and a bit because he was last man standing when I’d decided last date and out of here. I’d started noticing same guys were on for years - which seems hypocritical as I kept returning but for some it did seem a lifetime hobby!

I looked on and off over last 3-5 years, and I found it despairing but maybe my cab light was off as to be fair most recently I got 2 separate dates with guys who looked and were like they said and I had a few ok conversations. I was pretty ruthless though so not many got through to continued conversations and so ratio of ok to not ok as in being there for purpose, with cab light on and no weird perversions etc is still quite low - but does seem to be available.

I’m actually not sure if it’s not just very slightly better now than a few years ago - though dire compared to 20 years back - but you just have to sift a lot of chafe from wheat.

You can see on here both men and women find it very difficult at times - honestly, I can’t say this enough and will keep on saying it!, but get out in real life and mix and look around and take the apps much more lightly if on them at all.

I didn’t have match/unmatch but just stop talking instead when clearly values don’t add up - I’ve fallen into things and overlooked such stuff when younger and it’s not great - much better to leave early for both sides.

I did have to mention my counter protesting now if it started developing which is a sign of the times I guess, with polarity and never having had to discuss such stuff before - but it can cause strife - I tried to sneak it in naturally but had to mention it twice - I should probably have had it on profile but then it looks bigger than I make it.

Hunting and similar I’d not think about - just assume folk don’t like it I guess which is daft, but I think there’s so much you can’t check it all upfront - just bin out when it appears.

It’s not harsh - it’s practical for both sides - and values should never be overlooked as part of a relationship - a good one anyway.