He's definitely restarted the affair

[Allthegoodonesareg0ne]

2 years ago my husband had an affair and we reconciled. All was going well. He left his job for a bit and then had to go back. In March he went on a trip where she was, first time since. He came back off. I suspected, he denied. Then he said he hasn't been happy, rhe effort of dealing with my triggers from the affair was too much. He was worn out. He was planning to stay until after my hysterectomy this week and then move out. Since then its been a roller coaster. Warm some days, cold the next. In amongst it i filed for divorce. Some days he wanted to try and some days he was like an imposter in my husbands body. Over and over I asked about her he said he wasn't talking to her.
Today I got forwarded messages between them from her husband. He's been at it again.
He says he wasn't cheating, he'd already decided it was over between us he wouldn't tell me so I'd let him look after me and rhe kids through my surgery.
So now I know. I already suspected it shouldn't be a shock. I'd already said ir was over but I suppose some part of me was hanging on.
No point to this really except maybe to warn others and to get a bit or a handhold as this feels bloody unbearable.

Exactly. I'm not entirely even what effort he's referring to rhe fact he's been somewhat nice or the fact he thinks he's working on himself or that he is leaving with a view to maybe wanting to come back later. I asked if he is listening to himself and he said why aren't you listening to me?!

Wait, why aren't you going weak at the knees at the prospect of him throwing you a bone? Aren't you listening to him?

Didn’t he tell you you look pretty? Aren’t you standing there meekly holding the door open with his slippers just in case?

and he said why aren't you listening to me?!

He's clearly getting confused because you listened to him weeks ago when he blew up your world telling you he'd decided it was all over between you!

It would almost be laughable if it wasn't your family life he'd totally upended. 🙉 💐

He’s a right comedian isn’t he? Effort? <snorts> Too little too late.

Bloody hell, mans been shagging round, a week ago telling you he’d end his affair only if he wished to,

now he’s pretending it’s over. Or there is someone else he’s involved with, moving out to see if he can make it work, if not wants you to be sitting waiting for him,
that’s insane.

Honestly, I keep wondering if something is broken in his brain?!
Can people really be this self centred and oblivious to the damage?!
In other news.. I had a message from ow's parents (forwarded by her husband who is currently living with them while he finds a new place post separation from ow?!) apologising for her behaviour. He said she's an adult so they cant unfortunately influence her behaviour they are utterly ashamed of her and feel terrible. I mean I think it was well intentioned but honestly wtaf?!

Christ they are all nuts.

as for your husband, he’s clearly thinking past behavuour is an indication of future, so all he had to do was tell you it was over and you’d stay again.

It's bizarre?! I mean I would feel ashamed of my kids too if they behaved that way but passing on apologies for their grown daughters behaviour is a little far

Yeah it’s utterly weird, like what on earth where they thinking.

doesnt it indicate it’s still going on though? If it wasn’t why apologise.

I'm wondering the same.
Though I don't know if any of them are in touch that side. Obviously her husband is out of their house and she's fallen out with her parents so it's possible that she hasn't told any of them.
But it is just another example of why this is so done for me, I'll literally never know what is true and what's not

Maybe they know she’s very immature and they know it. They may be of a mortified generation and are cross with her for fucking up her marriage that they boasted to their friends about.

this has affected so many people. Your DH and the AP are like grenades.

Wow wow wow! He’s just trying to leave without feeling bad! Kick him out and SHUT the door in your heart ❤️

They all live in a very Catholic country so I imagine her behaviour doesn't sit well there. But the only person who owes me an apology is my delightful husband.
I don't think she's some innocent in all of this but ultimately he's the only one who owed me anything

I think I can get why they have done it.

I dont remember if you mentioned which country she is from but in many cultures (including European) behaviour like hers really does bring shame to a family. They dont want you thinking that they condone what she has done or support her. I think it has come from a good place.

I can appreciate its come from a good place.
I was also pleased to hear they've chosen to support their son in law in the situation. He speaks so highly of them (and is so lovely himself). He's checked in with me asking after my kids every few days since disclosure

I think decent people are appalled when their (even adult) offspring pull stunts like this, it’s almost as if even they want to scream “We’re good people! We didn’t bring her up to be like this!” Maybe they’ve apologised for her for her whole life so she never feels she had to, hence her level of entitlement to do what the fuck she wants, right or wrong. Mummy and Daddy will clean up my mess. A grown woman! You have to scratch your head, you really do.

Forgot to add that it’s great that they’ve chosen to support their son in law and also feel they want to somehow do right by you.

Yeah that’s a head fuck, I’m afraid I’d take that message as a signal it has got more serious between them, to the extent her parents felt the need to reach out. I think I’d ask the husband, just say my husband told me it’s over, what have you heard.

is there anything keeping her there, kids?

I asked the husband but he hasn't spoken with her. They are only talking through solicitors.
They've got no kids. Her job is there though and obviously she'd need a visa to come here

Well we could all see this coming a long way off. Im glad by the time his request for reconciliation came you were in a place to see him for who he really is. And despite the so called therapy he’s still extremely selfish and entitled. He believed that your love for him would mean he could hurt you in the worst possible way and he’d always have a place to come back to.

But be careful, as he realises there is no coming back from what he has done he might not be so generous with finances and the house. I hope you have it all locked in….

You need to shut him out of your head now OP.

I think it was a very decent thing for her parents to do. They seem like nice people who’ve found themselves in the midst of something completely alien to their way of life and they don’t deserve to be scoffed for their decency.

I don’t think it signals anything about things getting more serious between the gruesome twosome. It’s all about a set of parents who are mortified and sorry their daughter has done what she has, and nothing else.

Gosh - So much talking back and forth between everyone on the fringes.