Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

Running club or parkrun? . There's a few 50+ men at my running club.
Not saying they're all going to be nice but generally seem capable of empathy and support for newbies and strugglers.
And they're outdoors enjoying a hobby, making friends and keeping fit and cheerful
Rather than all over the sex topics or arguing with women on MN..

Hence the well used phrase ‘nurse with a purse’

There are a lot of men out there who have come out of long marriages and are looking for a replacement wife to cook clean provide sex and wipe their arse in their dotage.

I know from the experience of me and my friends that we’ve done our decades being wives and mothers and now it’s our time to put ourselves first.

I have zero desire to cohabit ever again. And that’s seems to be a dealbreaker for a a lot of men my age.

I've come to the conclusion that whilst decent single men in their 50's probably do exist they are few and far between. I've been on & off the dating sites for years and in that time have had countless dates with only 2 amounting to anything longer 2/3 month flings. The 2 that did both had issues that meant they didn't last either.

The last guy I dated was full-on, future planning within a couple a dates. I'm a cynic so much more cautious but allowed myself to get a little bit hopeful only to receive a text out of the blue saying he couldn't "do this" "wasn't ready" and he was v sorry, nothing to do with you etc etc. Whatever. At 55, I'm beyond dramatics of any sort so happy to just say thank you and move on by with my dignity. At least he didn't ghost which happens far to frequently and is frankly quite pathetic by our age.

So I'm off the apps again convinced dating is just not for me and will remain single. But with peace & calm in my life!

Surely the man is also looking for signs that the person he is dating is 'generous' as well especially if she is a fellow professional in a well paid career? Easy to say its not about the money when you are not the one being judged on whether you pay for the whole date or not. When I was dating I could easily afford to cover the whole evening (and often did) as well but it was definitely noted if the women in question refused to offer to chip in or could not even muster a round of drinks. Its always curious how a bloke gets quickly labelled 'tight' or a 'skinflint' for suggesting going Dutch on a date but the woman calling him that refuses to even open her purse or scurries off to the bathroom when the bill arrives and expects it to be settled by the time she gets back.

It’s all subjective isn’t it?
There are many women who have unreasonable expectations and demand unrealistically high standards - not everyone obviously.
Whilst there’s nothing wrong with this in principle, let’s be perfectly frank here - many women themselves are hardly the catch of the century! Do YOU measure up?
Yes, by all means have high standards but be realistic with regard to setting the bar so high as to be unreachable
Self evaluation is really important.
Can you in all honesty when reflecting say that you have no flaws and require no work to improve yourself?
Probably not.

Once the 30% gender pay gap has been resolved, I’ll open my purse in the meantime when the pink taxes well and truly ingrained into pretty much everything I do and everything I purchase. I expect to be treated to a coffee on a romantic date.
There have been times when it’s cost me over £150 to go out and meet a man when I’ve had to pay for a Babysitter, taxi, outfit yada yada yada
People will know this in advance when they invite me for a date
It really shouldn’t come as a shock at the least they can do is pay for a coffee.

I agree. I’m older and lived independently fur a decade and so I’m not looking for anyone to bankroll my food and drink. I judge someone by very different criteria other than their debit card.

I don’t do dinner as a first date anyway. I think it’s a crap way to spend time with a stranger. I’d rather go for a couple of drinks and chat freely - and i absolutely always insist on buying my round.

As someone who last dated in the late 80’s, the have penis must pay mentality was dated then so I’m shocked that it’s still so prevalent almost 40 years on.

Cos I was stupidly hoping things would change

You will keep being taught the lesson until you learn it as they say
Two years makes you a very slow learner though

Sadly like so many things I think it has gone backwards since the turn of century. Us '90s laddettes would have been somewhat offended if a date insisted on paying for everything, it was a sign of our autonomy to have our own money and pay our way ( or at least offer)

This is just embarrassing, babysitters, taxis, new outfits, hairdressers are entirely on you. If I guy you went on a date with informed you that he had travelled a long distance, had bought a new wardrobe and had forked out for a babysitter and started citing disproportionate workplace deaths, suicide and homelessness rates would he get a rebate? No idea where you got 30% from.

You’re entitled to your opinion but the Babysitter, the Hairdressers, the nails, yada yada yada are not on me, women just wouldn’t bother would we if we weren’t going on dates.
And indeed once most of us stop bothering about the opinions of men we don’t bother.
And then apparently we turn into grey haired old ladies that they don’t want to date.
If it wasn’t for societal expectations, we’d be richer.
If you’re struggling to understand the 30% pay gap, we’re gonna need a bigger thread
Or of course you could just google it 🤷‍♀️ there’s lots of papers that have been written on it. It’s all out there.

and let’s keep in mind here we are talking about a 5 pound coffee, £150 outlay for a 5 pound coffee.
That’s the deal and they could take it or fucking leave it. My world will keep spinning without.

This thread is depressing.

I’m early 50’s, widowed a few years ago, and just at the stage where I’m feeling it would be nice to maybe meet some people and go on dates. The title caught my eye because I have no clue how to go about it and wondered about OLD, but I’m clearly better off not bothering!

You would spend £150 in order to have a low stakes first date coffee? That is insane.

Because many women in their 30s also have their own house, postgrads and we senior managers or above.

and disparaging them as looking for older men for money says more about you than them.

I think you’re missing the point quite spectacularly and I have done this as a bit of an experiment
I’d exchanged photos with one gentleman on online dating where I’m all glammed up so he seen me at my best.

He messaged me to say he was just passing through town and did I want to meet him for a quick drink?
I explained that I was in the garden messy bun dirt under fingernails
Jeans and a T-shirt
Oh, that’ll be absolutely fine. He said come over.
So I did
I later get a message from him explaining that I’m not his type
He would happily French kiss me I got that accolade
But he wouldn’t be seeing me again
I guarantee if the £150 version of me turned up that day it would’ve been a different outcome
So I dodged a bullet it without a doubt
But that’s the reality of the situation for women in their 50s
Come as your authentic self and they’ve got no interest. Shallow was puddles most of them.

Sorry but as a 60 year old woman I think this is entitled nonsense.

I can categorically state I’ve never spent anything close to £150 to go on a date. I have got my hair nails etc done for decades and I very really date anymore. I don’t buy outfits to impress anyone, I wear the clothes I love wearing and quite frankly I couldn’t care less if a random bloke likes my style or not.

Ive been single 6 years and not turned into a ‘grey haired old lady’ and I can say the same for all of my mates single or in a relationship we all scrub up because we enjoy it not for anyone else’s approval .

You may want a man who judges your appearance while you judge his wallet and that’s your prerogative but don’t dress it up as ‘women wouldn’t bother if we weren’t trying to get a man’ because that’s quite frankly nonsense. Just own the fact you’re after a free lunch and don’t claim it’s a woman thing rather than a you thing

@PartQualifiedAcca If you’re shelling out £150 for a casual date then what sort of guy are you wanting to attract? If a guy said no to the post-gardening me, after-hike me, or I turned up on my mountain bike, then he’s not the man for me. That woman spending £150 is not sustainable in a relationship and any man would spot it eventually.

Your 'experiment' only proved that one gentleman preferred a 'glammed up' women, not all men have the same preferences.

I met my wife 18 years ago via match.com. Her profile photos included both her 'glammed up' and various other photos of her enjoying her sporting pursuits. The one I found most attractive was a photo of her with no make up, sweaty, hair tied back, hockey stick in hand, astro burns on her knees, sporting a beaming smile while clearly having a ball with her team mates. It was pretty far from her '£150' self but I loved the way she rocked the 'this is who I am take it or leave it' approach.

Thanks for being rude

There’s a huge difference between going on a date looking nice - washing and drying hair, putting on a bit of slap and choosing a nice outfit out of your wardrobe to spending £150! The former is absolutely normal the latter is extreme to the point of OTT.

And neither means it’s an entitlement not to get your purse out

Maybe he didn't like your personality? I appreciate that suggestion must come as a bit of a shock.

Any man who was 'just passing through town' as opposed to travelling to said town specifically to go on a pre arranged date is probably just looking for a shag.

It is absolutely incomprehensible.

And yet he expressed a desire to French kiss me
Strange

Well, he wasn’t going to get one at 2 o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
And actually, it felt more natural that he was just passing through.
Less cost on his side for him to recuperate