Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

They don’t exist !

They do!

use of younger/ fully made up/ thinner photos was common
I had one date with a woman who wasn’t over her divorce and just complained about her ex husband the whole time
one date the woman just plain complained the whole time
one friend said that his date couldn’t get a sitter ( fair enough) so brought the child along and expected him to pay,
most women seem to expect the man to pay ( fair enough) , but some don’t even offer or even pretend to offer - that’s a bit frustrating

I dated a really good looking woman for about 2 years- she was good looking, but quite a toxic person

This all sounds very familiar, chuck a couple of sex offenders into the mix and socially acceptable drug/ alcohol addiction , always an ex on the scene, often another woman/ other women , temper trouble and just general flakes

Yip wouldn't miss that out obviously, along with "no fat chicks" & a dick pic in profile pics! I'd be inundated with attention I'm sure! Ha!

And if you want to show how ‘hilarious’ you are make sure to add ‘if you don’t look like your photos you’re buying the drinks til you do’

Women love that one 🤦‍♀️

lol, @ChiaraRimini looking for an over-50's partner is exactly like looking for a house on RightMove, the ads make you think you will be overwhelmed by choice, but on closer inspection, there's hardly anything in your budget, and you need to take a full survey out on any prospective candidates. Great deals get snapped up.

Love it!

I would have sympathy...but I think sometimes middle-aged men are a bit deluded about how hot their potential matches might be, and whilst cat-fishing isn't recommended, it's also true they kind of delude themselves that Madge aged 54 looks 34 and somehow think a 34 year old looking hottie wants to date them. They are then disappointed at the unvarnished truth- that a kind of ok looking woman has turned up, similar age to themselves.

Women are often similarly deluded, wondering why if they respond to tall, handsome, educated pilot types, they don't get a great response. All the evidence is that most of the women want a small proportion of the men. Again, unless you are unusually attractive for your age, this is not realistic. If you are on Insta (or TikTok), Coach Anwar has some amazing advice, originally for black and brown women, on how to succeed in widening that criteria without compromising on essential values. His content is pretty racy though, but his advice on what careers to look for and groups that are essentially into your cultural type is extremely helpful.

Burned Haystacks isn't just a dating method, it's a method for keeping women safe in their interactions with unknown men, and can be applied to real life, OLD and friendships, so anyone that isn't doing that is missing an absolute trick. On the day I found my partner, I scanned 200 profiles one day, found one, the rest is history, because by then I had a laser focus on exactly what I was looking for and what was to be excluded, and was able to quickly make a connection.

Helpful insight

They reside mostly in works of fiction, usually written by women.

This fascinates me, the whole " who pys" senario, what does pretend to offer mean ?. When I was dating back in the dark ages (late '90s) the protocol was you offered he said I've got this then you bought the coffees( if dinner) or pop corn if cinema. After the first date you alternated, it was literally just never an issue. Aren't 1st dates usually cheap like coffee or axwalk or something ?

There are a surprising number of women who despite earning, still equate a date’s success by the man paying for it - which is why I like dates that done involve money in the early weeks. I think ‘pretending to offer’ would be mentioning paying while not getting the payment method out, or only acknowledging the need to decide who pays when the bill comes.

We’re looking for signs that he’s generous. It’s not even about the money. Yes we could afford to buy our own dinner. Yes we can buy our own coffee.
It’s whether or not he is willing to be generous
And that could be a very good indicator of where else in life he might be generous
I’ll let you fill those blanks in

My best dates have just been doing nothing and walking! I think when you connect, then it doesn't matter what you do and youll naturally want to do more. I think though that stinginess is something that women avoid so if not paying for dinner, then the man has to look as though he isnt tight somehow.

That said, i have friends who would expect the man to pay outright for at least 2 dates, and it will have to be high value dating, meals out, all drinks etc. And its a certain type of man who will pander to that.

@Springspringspringagain I mentioned this earlier, even the average men in their 50s want the willowy Charlotte Rampling lookalike.

So the protocol is you agree who's paying before the date ? That's not very romantic is it ?

This goes both ways, I dated a woman for 2 years who hardly ever paid for dates despite earning over 40k,
that told me quite a lot about our potential future together that I would be footing the bill for most things and that would build resentment over time

Well - I’m tall and somewhat educated, but no handsome pilot type
more like Brian from Accounting 😂

Depends what romance is for you. A date who’s unfazed by talking practicalities makes me feel confident and secure, which I guess I find attractive. Not endless budget discussions but just a quick check in is plenty in the early stages.

My worry is that in my mid 50s now, if there is a pool of single men of my age, many may have not pulled their weight with family and domestic responsibilities in their younger life, leaving their female partners to ‘do it all’ - hence relationships breaking down. I hear the frustration of my female friends constantly, watch how their husbands do very very little, and had this experience myself before I gave up with my partner of 15 years and my ex before that who behaved awfully. Neither were willing to pull their weight. I would hate to think that suddenly the pool of men who might be fun and good company suddenly deserve my attention if in a past life they had actually been precisely the sort of men I threw back in the last 20 years when I was trying to be an equal domestic partner with them and they were too lazy to step up. It’s a possibility isn’t it, as we look for different qualities in a new partner after bringing up our DC?

Agree it's an issue @ocelot3 though I think there is variation in how much domestic responsibility men in this age group are prepared for.

But we’re not talking over a two year period, we’re talking about the first date
Things should equalise beyond that assuming that of course 40K is the equivalent of what you’re earning
If it’s less than half, then yes you do need to be paying for most treats. She’s just surviving.

I’d rather do dates I can afford to pay my way on tbh. One of the issues in being with someone much richer is that they inevitably want the lifestyle that fits their income, and you either hand over choices to them or become permanently broke trying to keep up.

That’s not true. You can have quite a frank conversation on date one and say if this is what you want to do on the regular. You will be paying for it and they can take that or they can leave it.
But again, this is another issue that you have with younger guys
I find it utterly disgusting when they’re paying to take me to restaurants but they’re not paying child support and I won’t be part of that.

So why did you put up with it for 2 years then?