Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

As a foodie, I like nice restaurants too but I am not risking a first date at one with someone I have barely known a few weeks via messaging. First dates for me were fairly low stakes meeting for a drink or coffee. I have learned the hard way by sitting across the table for hours from someone you knew within minutes is not second date material.

Also, at the risk of opening the 'who pays for a first date' debate there was in my experience when OLD a surprising number of women who did still expect to be wined and dined at high end venues as first dates. That gets quite expensive very quickly and dare I say not very attractive no matter how 'high value' the date thinks she is.

Is there Mumsnet dating then?

I’ve always refused dinner as a first date as I’ve been stuck opposite someone for 3 courses who was boring me senseless after 5 minutes.

I prefer an afternoon coffee or a couple of drinks and I always offer to buy the second round - every man I’ve met has insisted on getting first. Many argue with me but I will always pay my way.

Even if we do get to a 2/3/4 date and food, I prefer a casual restaurant or nice pub. And again I always offer to split but every man has refused. In that situation I say I’ll take them for a drink on our way back to station or whatever.

We’re not all gold diggers - I much prefer to pay my own way in life.

Mine is 45 so not quite old enough. We met at work. I'm mid 30s.

edit to say he is the kindest, most loving partner I've ever known and we're planning marriage in next couple of years

So of absolutely no relevance to this conversation whatsoever then
I think that’s the other thing. Once you hit 50 your bullshit tolerance level is zero.

My problem was kids - I don't have any for reasons outside my control.
Over the last decade I've dated three men around my age who did have kids, and did have more than 50:50 custody - the last one in particular had them five days out of seven, and full-time while his ex-wife and her new rich fella tripped off on holiday every few weeks. I used to call them Judith Chalmers and Alan Whicker. I wasn't exactly a nanny with a fanny, but everything revolved around custody and money. I never once went away for a week with the last one, and we were together four years.
I don't want to go through that again, I don't want to deal with someone else's kids, grown up or not, I don't mind not being top priority in his life but I definitely don't want to be bottom of the heap, so at 53 have accepted that I'll be hiking up hills, riding my bike, going on solo holidays, and keeping LoveHoney in business.

Nanny with a fanny though 😅

At least love honey ends well, results guaranteed

And if you don't feel in the mood it doesn't sulk

Like I say I'll not likely do OLD again, I think all the decent men are actually doing what all the decent women are doing and just getting on with their life with the faint hope of meeting someone in the wild.

That's not to say there aren't decent women and men on the apps, many on here have positive stories, but I think it takes a certain type of personality to wade through the chaff to actually meet someone

5ft 9 - mainly because most taller women say they want someone tall which is fair enough

For me I never had anything awful, some would look quite different to pics, often too many filters and only head shots. Now I am overweight but there is a difference between that very overweight. Not saying thats wrong but could be a shock! I always have full length pics on profile as if a woman wants a skinny guy, I aint it!

Main issues I had were one word replies and 2 days to come back.

Hads a couple that smoked when they said they didn't, and another whose son was always in trouble with police but he was 'a good lad'.

My local ParkRun is often after new members or volunteers to help.

I’m up north but have a soft spot for southerners. I just don’t like any men in my local area - that’s a big problem. I would move for a man who made me feel amazing and I enjoyed being with (and who turned me on in more ways than one).

Probably for 💵

I’m funny 😂 😝 and, hopefully smart! I have a BSc and a Masters and in senior management in my career (does that count)?

I got loads of likes on OLD but found it overwhelming. I didn’t like any of them either and felt it just wasn’t the right platform for me.

My kids are 22 and 18 now. Hardly see them tbh! One at uni and has a girlfriend and the other off to university in September. I’m totally free of the child rearing years now. It’s time for me now!

That’s another problem I have…sex toys have never done anything for me. I need a real life man! Physical touch is what I crave and a plastic/rubber (or, whatever it’s made from) doesn’t do anything for me. I like a good snog too and a toy won’t do that (as well as the many other things I’d like to do)! ☺️

I’m 5ft 6ins.

My perfect male height (for me) is between 5ft 8ins and 6ft. I did meet a man from Tinder and he was 6ft 3ins. Just felt too tall. We still message every now and then but no chemistry and he had never been married (a bit of a mummy’s boy).

Same here, no children and I avoid anyone with a hint of children at home on the apps. I never really wanted my own, but grown up children can be interesting to get to know as people. Living life solo is not the worst!

Not quite so kind as to find someone his own age though, had to be 10 years younger. That is fine, but your post is irrelevant to this thread. Mentionitis? I don't begrudge anyone happiness though, so congratulations nevertheless

Yes !

Well I don’t have much of that so I guess no one is going to be bothered about me

Ooh send him my way please? (Unless he actually lives with his mum). I’m 6ft and so sick of meeting men who claim to be my height or taller, then we meet and he’s clearly at least 3inches shorter 🙄 I wish I could overlook it, but it’s not great starting out with a lie - as if I wouldn’t notice when my genuine height is clearly displayed in my bio.

No it does not show him in a good light , infact given he is 53 , if he had any interest in women in around his own age , the likelihood of their children being so young that they require a lot to all of their mother’s time is slim 🤷🏻‍♀️.
I’m guessing he’s only interested in young ones !!!

Where?

There don’t seem to be many around.

Ive got numerous divorced or widowed female friends age 55-65. Only one of them has ended up meeting a decent bloke.

Of the others….
One is dating a bloke who appears ok on the surface but refuses to let her go to his house or meet any family/friends.
Another is dating a control freak.
Another has had several short term relationships that started off well and then they ended up being walking red flags.
One is dating a complete weirdo who stares at you intently when he talks to you, like he’s trying to bore into your soul.
The rest have given up and are staying single.