Partner said I’ve let my self go

[Mommy2onexxx]

Today my partner picked me up from work we have been together for 5 ish years , he’s been so cold towards me recently and kept commenting on my looks , I kinda shrugged the comments off like an idiot , anyways today when I got in the car I asked him why he is being so horrible I explained he is making me feel small and unworthy , he said this is because I’ve let my self go and I don’t glam up the way I used to do my hair and makeup everyday ect , I explained I simply do not have the time the way I used to when I was 18 19 , I work , I’m a mom I run a home and I’m working towards my level 4 qualification, he said I should make time , I know he does truly find me ugly now I can just tell I see him searching other women he is so sharp and snappy with me and he is out all the time . I think what I’m looking for here is someone to tell me that it’s okay to loose your way abit I just feel so heartbroken

Well he sounds immature. No one says the same

He has another love interest and you can’t compete, kick him to the kerb, you deserve more.

I actually disagree with some of these comments. Obviously, time is more scarce when you have a family and work commitments too. But I don’t understand why anyone - male or female - makes an effort with their appearance until they get married, and then no longer bothers. I think it’s disrespectful to your partner.

I had a very busy life with work and a large family, but I never omitted to make myself presentable. Not everyone wears makeup, so that’s a personal choice. I do. Every day. If my husband had started to not bother about his appearance, I would have been very unimpressed.

It’s nothing to do with love. It’s self respect and respect for your partner.

Absolutely this. I speak as someone with chronic ill health. DH sees me looking an absolute fright on occasions, not once has he criticised or tried to control the way I look. Because decent men don't judge their partners for not looking like they're about to do a Vogue photoshoot every day. (Heck, even the Vogue models don't look like that most of the time.) You deserve better, OP.

He sound disguastingly entitled!

Would you mind thinking before you post please?
it is very clear from the fact that the op hasn’t already ended this relationship and is instead handwringing on where she’s gone wrong, rather than focussing on the fact that he is utterly vile, that she has no confidence whatsoever and has totally lost sight of her own value.
Your post isn’t wanted on this thread.

Ugh!

Fucking bastard, he is. Stop letting him make you feel small. Kick his arse out.

That's the "problem", because "we have two kids together" etc. There is another thread, where a partner complains about the lady being a size 10 or 12.....
Both alpha pieces of shit.
I get a feeling so many women would be so much happier, at peace, more connected with themselves and their kids, if they didn't have these pieces of steaming shit living at home with them.
No, not myself. My husband is, in his own words, a 75 yo cuddly bear. (Big age difference and no children, also some separate assets).
I really wish that women could drop these abusive, disgusting bastards like a hot potato.
Language justified.
❤️

I hear this so much from friends when they've had kids and end up with the wealth of all the extra work that brings whilst their DH does sweet FA.

I think your relationship may be over. He is an AH and you deserve better.

I personally would arrange to meet friends, get dressed up all excited and put my best face on. F him. If he can't see below layers of makeup to see the real you, he never saw the real you.

He sounds horrible. You deserve so much more than this.

Good one 😂

So what does this man actually add to your life?

I think you should let him go.

The 1950s called, it wants its sexism back.

Get rid

This.

Another vote here for telling him that you are letting him go…

Time to let him go…. What an arse!

Me too!

Op, happy people don’t let themselves go so take a look at the person you’re married to and be honest with yourself about him and how you may feel about him deep down inside. I’d put money on being with him a big reason as to why you’re neglecting yourself.

But that aside, I also think it’s likely that someone has turned his head and I think the comments he’s made are just the start of things.

All the best Op, and here’s to happier days ahead for you.

Work out how much time you spend sorting stuff for him. Use that time for self-care, I think you'd be back to feeling pretty good, pretty soon.

Don't internalise his contempt.

Ask him how and when he is going to facilitate time for you take care of yourself.

Why do you do everything and pay for everything?

I would honestly get rid of your sad excuse of a partner. Is the house in your name or joint?

It’s nothing to do with sexism - it applies to all sexes, as I stated in my post.

I’m sure if a woman had complained that her man ‘had let himself go’ once he was married, the whole of mumsnet would have accused him of being lazy and showing no respect for his partner.

But we can agree to disagree.

I was under the impression that everyone was allowed to express their opinions.

It appears it’s only acceptable to encourage women to end their relationships.

It really depends on what we are classing as appearance though.

If her hair is brushed and she's clean then who cares if she is wearing comfy clothes around the house.

If she were to attend a wedding or a fancy dinner in food splattered trackies with messy hair then that's also a problem.

I never wear makeup around the house unless it's already on from going somewhere. My clothes are usually a variety of hoodies and tracksuit bottoms/leggings of which I am wearing now. My teeth were cleaned this morning and I had a shower and put clean clothes on. The only places I've been today are the chiropractor and the supermarket, not the kind of places you dress up for and I'm not doing the housework in a dress or jeans.

What exactly is it we should be doing to make an effort with our appearance?