Partner said I’ve let my self go

[Mommy2onexxx]

Today my partner picked me up from work we have been together for 5 ish years , he’s been so cold towards me recently and kept commenting on my looks , I kinda shrugged the comments off like an idiot , anyways today when I got in the car I asked him why he is being so horrible I explained he is making me feel small and unworthy , he said this is because I’ve let my self go and I don’t glam up the way I used to do my hair and makeup everyday ect , I explained I simply do not have the time the way I used to when I was 18 19 , I work , I’m a mom I run a home and I’m working towards my level 4 qualification, he said I should make time , I know he does truly find me ugly now I can just tell I see him searching other women he is so sharp and snappy with me and he is out all the time . I think what I’m looking for here is someone to tell me that it’s okay to loose your way abit I just feel so heartbroken

He’s not worth it, find someone else who loves you the way you are, or live happily on your own. Sounds like he doesn’t really add any value to your life anyway.

Get a new suit and do better. Red tie.

What's that Lisa Stansfield song?

Get rid of the twat

I do find posts like yours strange op.

you are asking all the wrong questions.

this guy is vile. Why would you be worrying about your looks etc rather than just focussing on getting your ducks in a row to get out of your relationship?

Get rid of him now. It will save a lot of trouble in the long run. X

So if he left it'd make very little difference?

OP what exactly is he bringing to the relationship, other than making you feel like crap?

Sounds like he has met someone else or someone has caught his eye at least.

He’ll try and put you down so that you end up telling him to leave or arguing and then he can blame you for ‘pushing him into the arms of another woman’.

I bet if you went to the gym and started dressing up more, he’d also have an issue with it.

I would let him go

Your partner for want of a better word is a dick.

he should love you in all seasons not just the best ones. He is bang out of order

On the one hand, we all let ourselves go a bit over the years. Having said that it's important not to let yourself go too much -, for your own sake, not for anyone else. It's important to take care of yourself and remember that we are still a person as well as a wife, mother etc. On the other hand it is never okay to make your partner and the mother of your child feel like shit because she isn't dolling herself up as much as she used to.

So not only is he a cocklodger, he’s a rude, entitled delusional cocklodger.

Ask him 'If you can't cope with the fact that I no longer wear make up every day, how would you cope if I became chronically unwell or disabled?'

I think this is a great idea. I'm pessimistic that he actually cares enough to do what's required to help you feel better about yourself. But this will shine a light on his true priorities.

Is he Idris Elba? George Clooney? No - didn’t think so.

I would do 2 things at once:

End it with him. Calmly but confidently - just say that as you don’t / can’t meet his expectations it’s best you part ways and you wish him all the best but it’s over.

Then without his cruel and negative words ringing in your ears, I’d spend some time evaluating what you can do to make your life less stressful, less busy and more fulfilling FOR YOU and if you so wish to, choose to use some of that time to do hair / nails / makeup / whatever if you wish to, at a frequency that works for you and your life not dictated by an idiot.

That man is just vile and adds nothing to your life. Leave him!

Has he met someone else do you think op? I wouldn’t take this crap from him your not a machine if your not married I think he has checked out or is lining up his next victim. Sorry he’s a twat how does he expect you to respond.

He's being horrible about your appearance
He's cold towards you
He's snappy
He's making you feel small
He's out all the time.

👆Could he be cheating? Either way, you do NOT deserve this at all.

Sadly, if you stay with him, you are at risk of really letting yourself go, but not in the shallow way he means. You risk losing sight of your ambitions, health and self worth whilst someone else treats you as a domestic labourer and imperfect doll.

In answer to the end of your first post, it's completely ok to deprioritse your own appearance and focus on more important things. I wouldn't necessarily see that as 'losing your way' or 'letting yourself go', so long as you feel healthy and look the way YOU want to.

He sounds like a vacuous, bullying, air head. He's not seeing you or what you need as a human being. Really hope you and your little girl can find a good life for yourselves without him.

You are amazing! You are beautiful as you are! You work, you're a mum you need support not put downs. Big hugs, be strong but I think he needs to step up or go. Remember you are doing an absolutely amazing job. Good luck

Sounds like you’re doing everything and paying for everything already so life will be cheaper, less work and better in every way without him being dead weight and verbally abusing you. You are worth so much more than this!

This was my first thought too. Classic deflection of blame for the breakdown of a relationship. Happened to a friend of mine when her useless twat of a husband met someone else. My friend had two very young children at the time but was told she had no ambition and was not ‘dynamic’ enough for him and she had ‘let herself go’🙄

Best MN post ever (esp good if irish or diaspora).

Chatsbots is right OP, this man is a grade A misogynist and he will never ever change.

You (and your kids) will be better off without Temu Andrew Tate.

And fgs get some therapy! You need to understand why, rather than kicking him out, you believe you've 'lost your way' because you can't curl your eyelashes while simultaneously doing all the parenting, planning and shitwork in the house.

Speaking from 20 years hindsight,dont walk-run.very quickly.If he cant acknowledge your hard work or God forbid if you were ill,hes not worthy of you.Cut free.