Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

This seems bold considering his reaction was to basically call her a tragic brown noser - surely she would have to be more certain that he would pick her before making such a move 😳 but who knows honestly, definitely could be some power play!

This is what I think.

Deflection?

It’s a GDPR breach. She was allowed to use the address for a business taxi. After that…how did she get the address for the two gifts? I’m assuming she didn’t learn it off by heart after ordering a taxi. So she either…

• looked it up again in the HR personnel files without a valid business use (to send the gifts)
• copied the address down somewhere when she initially ordered the taxi (illegal, obviously)
• ordered the taxi online and didn’t delete the email immediately (required under GDPR), and went back to find the email, and used the address from that email without a valid business reason

Your DH could sue his company (not that I’m recommending this, but he can). Technically, your DH is supposed to report this data breach to his company and they must put it in their GDPR log.

I've known Polish people quite well. They are definitely, definitely not this as a culture!

Tha5s the bit that confuses me.
Is this a case of "hiding in plain sight"?
"There's no way she'll think I'm up to ni good if I pull as blatant a stunt as this?"
She's hit a target even if I was aware I was a target?

Oh, OP! How you’re staying so calm is inspirational!! I’d have been raging. Which gets us nowhere, eh?

The photo of them together is what would make me the most comfortable. What was the setting? I see no reason as to why I’d have selfies with my colleagues, unless on a works Christmas do when we’re all in it.

Note to HR - ‘I’m approaching you confidentially as I would like to put something on the record. XYZ delivery etc happened. I found this an odd thing for a colleague to do, especially as my home address was used.
I have no idea of the intention behind it. Hence this note today.
Thank you for your time.
Joe Smith ‘

First thing I thought of is that Easter is not for about another 10 days, so 'Easter surprise inside' would not give a message to have any caution about opening it at this point in March. Then when the package is opened, the addressee gets very red faced.

The Christmas one was a posh hamper with no obvious message or extras - that was probably sent by a company that creates them, and a more corporate gift. This is definitely something with at least 3 or 4 signs that it was done and posted very personally.

Possibly that could be one theory. throwing you off the scent?

Wow, some long jumps happening here, especially with regard to M&M colours having sexual connotations (?!). I have never heard of this and I would assume the vast majority of the general population also haven't. Some people on here seem to see a seedy underbelly behind every innocent act.

My experience with Polish people in the workplace is that they are more deferential to their superiors than Brits - I'm gonna guess she was just trying to suck up to her boss. I think the response was quite overblown to be honest!

I've got a feeling he'll make some noises but the matter won't be taken as seriously as I want it to be. Although he agrees absolutely with me and he also sees it as inappropriate, I think he sees her as harmless and an idiot. U don't think he really sees all the possible outcomes here.

Green M&Ms have been “a thing” for ages. I bought a family pack of M&Ms in 2002 for my then-BF (now DH), picked out all of the green ones, and gave them to him. I had known about it for years before I did this. It’s been around for at least 30 years (that I know of).

I agree she is sucking up but she can do that on company time? Don't be delivering yiur sucking up presents to my house.
Is my version of sucking up a little less obvious? Like a sausage roll or a bacon butty and a cup of tea?

I can’t beleive how much this has kicked off, the op even wants her fired, for sending a sucky up pack of some m and ms. And posters are revelling in winding her up further for the sport. It’s unbelievable.

melt in the mouth, not in the hand

I was about to be all smug and say it wasnt m&Ms, but googled just in case....

Revels
They originally had the slogan “They melt in your mouth, not in your hands”, the same one used by M&M’s in the United States (also used to market M&M’s in the UK in the 1980s and 1990s).

This is so cringe.

I would advise you to not brush it under the carpet. Keep saying this has upset/annoyed you/ she has crossed this line/this is your private home and she is coming on to him, take your pick.

DO NOT not say anything.
Rock the boat.

He needs to have your back here, contact her tomorrow and tell her in front of you that he is a married man, he is her manager and she has used his private address and he’s going to HR if she ever does anything like this again. He should actually tell them all of this anyway.

But don’t let him off with it, that would be a huge mistake and you will live to regret it (in my experience)

You can't see how inappropriate this woman's behaviour is? Wow.

The photo looks like it was snapped at his desk. She is crouched over him as he is sitting and she is doing the selfie.
Not a works do or avsocial setting. He looks a bit 😳. Hates having his photo taken.
I'm calm because I don't want to give anyone the excuse of saying I'd been hysterical and then told I'm paranoid.
By taking it from the point of view of her breaching company guidelines about data and SH, it keeps the topic very objective. This is about her behaviour. My reaction is based in "rules". She's broken actual rules and onbthose grounds she can be told to get fucked but not directly by me. He has to do that.

@lolaflores crouching over him? Absolutely not. Different work cultures or not; that is not acceptable and I’d personally expect my OH to back off completely from the woman

I don't want her fired.
Sucking up isn't an offense.
Using out home address is another matter which needs pointing out to her.
And she can suck up to someone else on a different project.

Ok I think you need to calm down, seriously. I can’t even imagine batting an eyelid over this.

Because she wants his wife to know ! Why on earth does she have pics with a colleague ? He is cheating or at best he flirted with her and realised it can land him on trouble at work . This is not normal behaviour and him not having a reason , she also obviously knows those are his favourite and they have a meaning

Oh lucky, I'm so sorry to hear that. Yiur comment does give me pause for thought. I used to read MN a lot when DD2 was little. There were so many situations on here that went from OP having a bit of a doubt about something to it all turning into a horrible outcome. It's why I haven't let it be shrugged off again and why I've dug my heels in on it. If 2 peoole are determined to have an affair, not much I can do to stop it in one sense, but there are other avenues to take to send Tue message that I see her. And he can be warned in advance.
The rest is inbthe lap if the gods.