Man I have been seeing for months has fiance

[Larose123]

Im completely head over heels for a man, we've been seing each other for three months. He's a lovely man, so funny, kind, caring, intelligent, ambitious etc

Today I found out he has a fiance.

He doesn't know I know.

What do I do?

I'm not even angry with him, I just feel numb right now. And sad 😔

With Snapchat, you can use a second device to photograph the message as the sender is notified when you take a screenshot. Easy peasy.

You're an enabler.

That's very unfair! OP has only just found out and is processing the situation. She had no idea he had a fiancé and she's not suggesting that she stays with him, just wants to get evidence- presumably evidence to present to the fiancé so she's aware of what a cheating scumbag he is too.
That's certainly not enabler behaviour!

I hear you. But no anger? No feeling used and violated? Imo the passive ness seems enabling

@MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform - she needs time! It’s got to be a shock!
Anger doesn’t come easily to everyone.
Yo my horror and shame I didn’t get angry at a doctor who assaulted me for months until I reported him and he lied about it. And then I lost it completely but that’s another story.
If she’s never really had something nasty happen before it takes a bit of time..

Threads like this make me realise I do need to give up on love and finding a partner, and to just accept being on my own.

@Mummyoflittledragon thanks, I'm on it 😝
@MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform truly I have not found my anger but I feel used and violated... I didnt consent to have sex with someone who has a fiance! I would never do something like that. Im sad and upset. @Mingspingpongball I think its my feelings for him stopping the anger from coming through still. I tend to retreat into myself when bad things happen to me and not confront people or pull them up for their wrongdoings!

Op you need to tell her, I'd send her screenshots or some form of evidence rather than just your word and then leave it at that. Once she's informed then it's up to her to make a decision what to do next. If he's done this with you he's possibly done it with others so she needs to be able to go and get herself tested, as do you.

I then would block him on everything and have nothing more to do with him. Maybe a bit of counselling to process why you feel responsible for this man would be useful? I don't tend to get angry easily and wouldn't really lean towards revenge but I think in your shoes I'd feel very clearly that I owe him nothing so I'd do right by her and myself and just remove him from the equation.

@Lavender14 I completely agree with you, I think telling her is morally the right thing to do. I think hiding his deceit would be very unkind. Im not ready to tell her yet but I will. I'll get more evidence while I process it all.

Something similar happened to me. I told the fiancé; they then both blocked me on everything and are still together, planning the wedding I presume. I sent proof. I didn't bother confronting him. I just told her over Mesenger.

My best friends sister has also just gone through something similar. Another woman told her she had been having an affair for 18 months with her husband. She has also stayed with him.

Sure. I can see that. I'm quite quick to feel anger when I feel badly treated. We're not all the same. My apologies

If you intend to tell her, make sure you keep screen shots of her FB page etc as once the cat is out of the bag he’ll probably bloc you in fear and she’ll be harder to track down

No. Why does her Facebook page need trawled.

Make sure you screenshot his phone number, not just his name with the messages as he’ll say it’s fake - tho he’ll probably say it’s fake regardless 🙄

I would be contacting her before you confront him so he hasn’t got the time to make up a story and try and gaslight her.

A friend of mine married someone who was cheating before the wedding. I really wish she’d known. It was horrible for her to feel that not only her life but the whole day with all her friends and family was a lie.

@Larose123
Please tell the fiancé sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be for her.

Also be prepared that she may decide to stay with the toerag. All you can do is give her the proof and information about her 'D'P.

Block the man as soon as you've done it

Dump him and warn his girlfriend.

She needs to know that the man she is planning to marry has been cheating on her.

He might also have been cheating with others so you and this poor woman will also need an STIs check.

Men like this are vile and need to face the consequences on their behaviour so please tell her...

Why don't you just dump him and then tell her. Why the need to collect evidence. Presumably you have texts from him to you - are you wanting to keep seeing him?

This is the thing. It seems that so many women won't let it break them up because they think they've found "the one", they think "oh he just hadn't met the right woman before me", they think he's changed. Plus there will be the man in question being extremely persuasive about the mental jealous ex (isn't it astonishing that these men seem to acquire a string of mental exes?).