Man I have been seeing for months has fiance

[Larose123]

Im completely head over heels for a man, we've been seing each other for three months. He's a lovely man, so funny, kind, caring, intelligent, ambitious etc

Today I found out he has a fiance.

He doesn't know I know.

What do I do?

I'm not even angry with him, I just feel numb right now. And sad 😔

This woman has yet to marry him, and therefore you can potentially stop her from making a huge (and likely expensive) mistake of marrying him. You need to provide her with evidence, not simply tell her, because it's probable she won't believe you.

Unfortunately, you don't know if you're the only OW on the scene. He could be seeing more than just you.

You owe him zero. He's the cheating scumbag, not you. I understand you're upset, and are grieving the relationship and the person you thought you had. Take a few days to process the information, before saying anything to his fiancé.

You don't even have to confront him. Just tell his fiancé and block him. Don't confront him first though, because it will give him time to think of some lies to tell his fiancé.

Be grateful you only wasted 3 months of your life on this man. His fiancé has wasted significantly more.

When people show you who they are believe them.

Of course you should tell her, it would be cruel not to in my opinion

dump. sorry. I wouldn’t even have a talk about anything. Just I don’t see this have a future, bye.

He’s the worst kind of man, tell his fiancee, dump and move on.

Tell her. Dump him

always do due diligence v early on. After the first date ideally

I was going to say something similar. I think the best advice is to send her a caring message. I’m sorry you’ve been so cruelly duped.

For lovely, funny, kind, caring, intelligent and ambitious, substitute double crossing, silver tongued, cruel, scheming arsehole who doesn’t give a shit about anyone as long as he gets what he wants. Then you’ll be nearer the mark OP. Then perhaps you’ll find your anger.

You can’t grieve for something that didn’t exist in the first place - he’s not the person he presented to you. It was a fantasy. He’s taken you and his fiancée for a ride because he wants to have his cake and eat it. Get angry. Get him out of your life and tell his fiancée everything so she can get him out of hers before he ruins it.

I'm so sorry. I would definitely tell her, she deserves to know.

Yes as the other woman I would 100% want to know before I married this man.

Go in with a calm delivery and let her know you can offer any proof she needs.

Do not engage with him any further he will only come up with excuse after excuse.

Im sorry this has happened to you, it’s a reflection of him as a person not you.

I am sorry. This is so horrible. See it as a lucky escape. You should tell her, not for revenge but because she needs to know so she can move on with her life knowing all the facts. She might plan to have a family with him and then find out later what a cheating rat he is. It’s only fair to tell her, then she can decide whether to continue or not.

It's ok to feel grief. The person you fell in love with doesn't actually exist because this man lied to you to pretend to be someone who doesn't exist. Naturally the disappearance if this person from the face of the earth feels like a bereavement.

Your anger is to connect it that the man he actually is, the two-timing-bastard, is effectively the man who killed the one you love.

I'm in favour of telling her. If I were her I would want to know that he's a devious slimeball. You don't know what lies he's been telling her.

It's entirely possible and nog rare to be in love with someone after 3 months !!!

You may or may not be the first, but you definitely won't be the last. She has not yet legally tied herself to him, this is the best time for her to find out, when she can realistically walk away. It is a hell of a lot easier to separate your life from someone else when theres no "contract"of a marriage, when you've signed up half of everything you own on the trust they won't shaft you. Even worse if kids come along and you're tied to them for ever.

Give her the chance of a clean break, of not losing half her assets, or having kids with him. To not tell her would be cruel. Theres posts on here every day of women trapped in marriages with cheats, who can't walk away because they cannot afford to after giving up working to have his kids. If she chooses to stay its with her eyes wide open.

He’s probably love bombed her. An essential tool for manipulative men looking to lead a double life.

Nothing is wrong with you. It’s completely normal to feel grief/sad over someone you love and it’s fell apart. It’s also completely normal to feel like your loyalty should lie with him and you to feel like you don’t want to blow his life up.

what you need to do is what ever you think will give you the most peace. If you think tell her etc would make you feel better tell her, if you think it will make you feel worse don’t. Don’t worry about his feelings or hers. Just worry about you and what will help you move on.

hold you head up you done nothing wrong and however you choose to recover from this is the right thing to do.

on a side note - I would blow his world up and everyone his knows would know what a cheating scumbag he was but that’s just me

I expect his fiancée thinks he’s a lovely, kind, caring man too. But he isn’t, is he?

Do tell her the truth before she ruins her life by marring this lying cheat.

First and foremost take some time to gather your thoughts. This has been a shock and no wonder you feel sad and are grieving a life you thought you would have with a person you thought you knew.

Secondly you then need to let him know, that you know.

When are you due to see him next? Sit down, and tell him that you have found out about his fiance.

Its all well and good people telling you to be angry and get revenge but if you are not that sort of person you just can't do that. But he does need to know how very very hurt you feel and what he has done to you.

Be prepared for him to lie and tell you things like their relationship is over, he was working up the courage to leave her but didn't want to hurt her, they are living separate lives and don't sleep together etc etc etc.

But you need to tell him you have found out and obviously end the relationship.

As for his fiance, either he tells her or you will. I do think she needs to know what kind of man she has pledged herself to. Be kind when you tell her. It is likely to be a shock to her also.

I am so sorry you have been treated this way OP. It sucks.

It’s completely normal to be walking on air at the 3 month point. I’m so sorry, OP.

@Larose123how did you find out?

Please tell her before she marries the biggest mistake of her life.

Dump his cheating ass, if you don’t you will really regret it later…. He will try and talk you around and at the same time try and talk his fiancé around to see where he can land… he’ll behave for a while and then it will all start again. Be kind to his fiancé and tell her gently. Move on he is a total shit. Major red flag. I’m sooo sorry for your broken heart, but he is not trustworthy nor deserving of your love if he has treated you with such disrespect

You are in the 1st stages of hurt
feeling what you may of lost and want to protect yourself

I have recently been though this and I do wish she had told me but I think he was playing it down as we are not together ect
yes I would of of initially been annoyed
but ultimately I’d rather be able to move on and find a person that’s not going to betray me.