Man I have been seeing for months has fiance

[Larose123]

Im completely head over heels for a man, we've been seing each other for three months. He's a lovely man, so funny, kind, caring, intelligent, ambitious etc

Today I found out he has a fiance.

He doesn't know I know.

What do I do?

I'm not even angry with him, I just feel numb right now. And sad 😔

Horrible situation, but you have to confront him about it, and unless there is a very good (can't think of one) explanation then I'm afraid it is time to move on.
He has proved, in spades he is not to be trusted.

yes. Do tell her. Show evidence and then completely walk away from it

He's none of those things. He's a cheat

I was with a man years ago who I thought was wonderful. After 3 years he finished it blaming distance, but we still had a FWB arrangement, which was stupid but I loved him obsessively and thought it might work out if I kept the sex going. Imagine my hurt when he announced to me very apologetically that he was getting married!!! He must have had a fiancé for some of the time we were having sex. Heartbreaking. It’s so awful finding out the man you love is actually planning a life with a fiancé. My advice is to tell her, tell him, tell the world! Wish I had. Wishing you well and I hope you know you are better than this, and delight in the fact she’s been getting your ‘sloppy seconds’ He’s vile ☹️

You’re still in love with the idea of him - not the man he actually is. The liar. The cheat. The man who is so unkind as to do this when he has a fiancee who is blissfully unaware that he is uncommitted or has got cold feet.

If it helps do a list of al the things about him you thought you loved about him, and then write the counter list that proves it is all a total lie. Pin it to the fridge and do not lose sight of it. He is not who you thought he was. He does not exist. You need to come to terms with that at let ‘him’ go.

Except he's not any of the things you say he is

Luckily its been 3 months and not years.
Op you have dodged a bullet, just walk away block and move on.
You will heal.
That's for the other woman tbh its not worth the drama as it sounds as if you was the other woman and didnt know.
Give him no more time or thought and just work on you and your healing.

No. Don't do this. You will get no thanks and just cause upset.

I find it strange how you can possibly feel sympathy in any form for a man who is a liar & a cheat in relationships. It's understandable you feel numb & hurt but your in love with the person you thought he was not the person he actually is.

I feel sorry for his fiance & imo it would be fair to let her know. He may try to charm his way back to you but the damage is done. He should have ended it with the woman he promised to marry before starting a relationship with someone else. That's what a decent man would do. There us nothing decent about lying & cheating.

This happened to me, 10 months with him. I told her

I saw of lot of scenarios like this when I was a student years ago.

Girls took up with foreign students over here on Student Visas. They were showered with gifts and promised all sorts of things. We tried to warn them of the folly of these associations but just got told we were "spiteful and jealous".

Fast forward 2,3 years later and these, now qualified, students were being recalled to their own country to marry a nice girl of their own race and religion that their parents had selected.

"Cry me a river" had nothing on these silly girls. 🙄

Its normal, youre in shock and it will pass.
imo you absolutely should tell her, before she marries him. She has the right to choose. I’m assuming that if you had known he was engaged you would never have got involved. He took that choice away from you with his lies, please don’t let her suffer the same.

I'd be telling his fiancé and blocking him

How did you find out?

I think you need to buy yourself some time. Tell him you're ill and need a few days.

Have some cry time then start getting receipts together. Including this thread would be a good idea.

I think you have to let the fiancé know. Not as revenge, but as the right thing to do!

You can't let her marry that man not knowing what he is.

If she chooses to marry him regardless then that's on her.

Hi Op. Sorry you’re in such a shitty situation- you’ll be grieving a perceived future and that is really, really hard.
This actually happened to a close friend of mine- was seeing the guy for about 2/3 months and then found out he had a fiancé. She was totally blind sighted; he was an accomplished and effective liar. But a word of warning- she did contact the fiancé, and even though she had proof, his fiancé didn’t believe her (/ this guy was a master manipulator). My friend got an absolute load of abuse from both of them back. It made what was a dreadful situation even more stressful. So just a word of warning there.
Take care of yourself first before anyone else 💐

Separate out the two things. Prioritise yourself and get through this first. If you still feel that it is important for her in a few weeks' time, tell her then. There isn't any real rush and it's better for you to deal with your own feelings before you deal with her.

I wonder how much of a fiancee she is if she's not in the same country?
How is that one working?
Is this a kind of arranged marriage going on?

How did you find her and when will they be living in the same place?

Have you considered that you may not be the only woman he has been seeing behind his fiancé’s back ? If you met online you probably aren’t. Online dating is full of blokes like this. He has manipulated you into feeling loyalty to him and thinking you two have something special (which is why you find it hard to be angry with him) but he has lied to you and used you. He has no intention of being with you long term, he is planning to marry someone else. You are not the main event, you are the side show. Sorry if it sounds harsh. He is an emotional manipulator. You don’t owe him anything. Pick up your self respect, dump him and move on. Do not listen to any line he tries to spin you. His actions speak louder than words. You deserve better so learn from it and find someone better. Now that you know he’s a cheating lying pos why would you want him anyway ?

Tell but be prepared that she may not believe you.

You undermine the true meaning of rape with these comments and should detract them.

If you think 'rape' applies to anyone who is misled because one partner has another unknown to them, you need help.

To be fair I wasn't that dumb. The man in question lives in the UK and has done since 2000, has an ex wife and two grown up children here. He lives near me and it was an actual long term relationship.

He was "just" leading a double life every time he went home to see family (Western European country, our neighbours). He's in his fifties!

But anyway, this is about the OP.

I wouldn’t tell her. He is her problem not yours. He will deny it and she won’t believe you in all likelihood. It will be more trouble than it’s worth. Focus on yourself and moving on to happier times.