Man I have been seeing for months has fiance

[Larose123]

Im completely head over heels for a man, we've been seing each other for three months. He's a lovely man, so funny, kind, caring, intelligent, ambitious etc

Today I found out he has a fiance.

He doesn't know I know.

What do I do?

I'm not even angry with him, I just feel numb right now. And sad 😔

Dump him.
Block him.
Absolutely if you want him to think you’re going to tell the fiancé you can say something that leads him up that path. But I wouldn’t actually tell her. You have nothing to gain from it, he will spin it and make you out to be crazy. She won’t leave, and you’ll have had a whole headache which (taking you on your word) you don’t deserve.
You’ve dodged a bullet becuase this man is a cheat. Better to know 3 months in, than be the one he’s cheating on.

Imagine if the roles were reversed. Would you want to know. or marry a lying cheating bastard.
With all due respect you need to wake up. You arent special you are the side piece.

I'm not always on the "tell all" side of the fence, but as it's a fiance, totally tell - she is probably spending loads of money and time on wedding plans with this scumbag which is so unfair

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.

How did you meet him? If it was online, it's possible he's done it before, or maybe has other women he's involved with too.

How did you find out he is engaged?

I think you definitely need to tell her, with maybe some copies of messages between you for proof, as he will probably try to say you're crazy and making it up.

It's hard, and very raw at the moment, but you will get over this. 💐

You're just taking time to process what's happened.

Don't rush, just respect yourself.

The numbness will wear off in its own time.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I was once in a similar situation where the man had a gf of 4 years, although tbh I'd heard rumours before anything happened between us. They were working towards moving in together rather than marriage.

Bearing in mind you know absolutely nothing about their relationship if I were you I'd confront him and tell him why you are ending it and see what he has to say for himself.

Yes, it will be acutely painful to end it with him but the alternative is that you continue dating someone who is planning their wedding to someone else. That is clearly untenable.

Maybe he plans to marry his fiancé, maybe he is looking for a way out, maybe he will leave her for you, maybe he doesn't know what to do.

Unfortunately for you these decisions are all for him to make and I really feel for you because almost 30 years later I can still remember how painful and all consuming our situation was.

Yes

There is only one thing to do and that is walk away. It's not you it's him.

Honestly, although you are upset, be thankful you didn't invest any more of your precious time in this sham of a 'man'

If you can tell his fiancé, I would. Particularly as they aren't married yet.
Please don't let him try to explain away his actions. He is a liar and a cheat and should not be listened to or believed

How did you find out?

I think if it were me I would tell her that her fiancé had been cheating on her with me. They aren’t married yet, so she’s got a chance to escape. It’s not like they’ve been together 25 years and have 2 kids together (presumably) so she’s going to turn a blind eye to the cheating. Tell her, tell him he’s an arsehole and block him.

I have been the wife in this situation. Tell her.

You won't be betraying him. He is already betraying his fiancee and, by extension, you. You will be saving yourself and someone else.

Please tell her!

Tell her and get STI check

You're in shock right now, and need a bit of time to see that he's a lying cheating bastard, and what you think you have with him is an illusion he has created for his own selfish reasons.. What he's doing is cruel and he's just using you and misleading you and his fiancé.
I'm sure you'll find your anger soon, and it will be fully justified. There's nothing for you in continuing to be with him.
I'd tell his fiancé, not for revenge, but because she needs to know what sort of person he is before she marries him.

And @Larose123 he clearly is not lovely, kind or caring, is he?

The man you've been seeing for months is not the man you've been seeing for months. The man you fell for doesn't exist.
In reality you have been duped by a manipulative, amoral creep who places no value on the love or care or emotions of the women in his life. He's selfish and contemptuous.

I would consider telling his fiance, explain you had no idea he was in a relationship, let alone engaged, and that you feel she has the right to know what he's capable of before choosing whether or not to marry him.

I am so sorry, what a nasty man. You will heal from this, it will just take time. Be kind to yourself. I second the fact you were in love with a man who did not exist and now you have the truth in front of you and this guy should give you the ick!

As for his fiancée, please don’t let her marry this man and make a legal commitment to him not knowing the truth. We need to be calling men out for this sort of stuff, not allowing them to get away with it.

He’s not lovely, he’s trash.

Tell her and block him.

I always start from the position of putting other women first, unless there is a good reason not to. Tell her. Then block him and move on.

Normally I’m very much of the chain of thought
you never know what goes on between two people
she might already know
it’s dead in the water but there together for practical reasons

but with a pending wedding I’d tell her this could change the course of her life
she can get out without the complications of marriage

You are having cognitive dissonance at the moment trying to process what you thought and what is the reality. Under no circumstances confront him and see what he says because he will just continue to lie to you. He is a liar, assuming you are sure of your facts here. You could be vulnerable to him and live to regret it.

Either just block him or send her evidence and immediately block them both. Refuse to get involved in any drama. It’s only been three months this is not the love of your life.

Yuck. Vile twat. May his cock rot off. And yes, tell her.

He’s not funny kind and caring. He is a cheat, a liar. Someone who plays with 2 women’s hearts and no doubt shagging you both. He’s disgusting and deserves NO good treatment. And yes, I would tell her. These men make me sick.