DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

That's me with the fireman. Who WAS constantly on his phone. I raised it with him once, got an apology and then he went back to grey ticks for days. Wound me up.

I think I'm more in the @OneShyQuail camp. @CleanShirt it's especially annoying when you know they're on their phone a lot.

I did some office work for someone I was seeing decades ago. He must have forgotten his mobile bill went to the office and was itemised.

I know this is frowned on - but I read it - particularly interesting that the ‘have a good day’ type texts went not just to my number but 2 others at the same time quite often!

I already knew really but was drawn into that competition where all you can win is the booby prize.

I also spent a morning (working) in the fire service office watching a manager spend hours on a photocopier to cut off a number of calls to a certain girl’s number whilst making it look like just the normal copied bill - apparently his wife liked to see these bills - he had no idea why - I had a good one!

I also like some contact & just to know that I've crossed their mind occasionally. I think if you like the person & have paid attention then it's easy to send a quick text which is something other than 'Good morning/evening'.

Nosdacariad Have you heard anything?

Yeah @CleanShirt I think I’ve had one like that in Mr Elusive, I said it wasn’t enough, then he disappeared. He still pops up occasionally now to mess with my head, usually when Scenester is having himself a quiet day. I said I wouldn’t do online dating until I knew I was strong enough to roll with the punches and I was definitely right to think that 😂

Not a sausage.

Men who are interested don't behave this way x

Nosdacariad I'm sorry. What are you thinking? Give him a time limit to reply, type thing, or just see what happens?.

@Nosdacariad I think in this scenario you’re fine to drop him a ‘great to meet you this afternoon, I’d be up for meeting again if you fancy it’ it doesn’t mean you have to take the lead going forward. He might be waiting to hear from you?

But then what do I know? I’ve waited 4 hours for a one line text from Scenester. I’m not replying and will make my mind up about whether I want to pursue seeing him tomorrow or not, there is a planned date/time and place but the gaps between seeing each other are quite long and I’m wondering whether there’s been a change of heart.

New thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5508497-dating-thread-56-love-is-in-the-air?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Why not ask him?

“Hey, I’ve noticed something’s shifted a bit between us lately. Are you still keen to see each other?”

Straightforward is my new strategy. Saves a lot of time and heartache.

Thanks @Cambridgedropout I’m
not sure of what I’m feeling is real or im
just over reacting. I think I do have a tendency when things are going well, to wonder when they’ll go wrong. But then I’m supposed to be seeing him tonight at the weekend and earlier in the week I was looking forward to it, but by today after two days of slow contact, I feel a bit flat.

I’ve found it’s best to not ‘wait’ for a text. Message, put him in your archive, then do something else. Otherwise you create anxiety about it and become insecure.
If you genuinely sense something is off then ask him.

So I have two irons at the moment: Mr Persistent and Mr Sheep.

I dated Mr P a year ago then I ended it because he wasn’t emotionally available. He’s stayed in touch, messaging every now and then to say he was so sorry it came to an end, he really liked me and he messed up. He’s now in a better place and knows what he wants and it’s me.

Pros are that he is a good egg. Genuine, safe, reliable, has integrity and we get on. He is also handsome and he does clearly like me a lot. He has recently opened up a lot more.

Cons are I don’t know whether he’s capable of the intense closeness I’m attracted to. BUT I wonder whether steady is better than chemistry 🤔

Mr Sheep lives an hour and a half away. We haven’t met yet but we’re meeting up on Saturday. He messages a lot and is v keen. His voice slightly gives me the ick as he sounds a bit like David Brent 😂

Thoughts?

I would go for mr p! Chemistry over steady and once you get the ick. It doesnt go x

Once an ick always an ick. I'd make sure Mr P can name exactly why he is able to show up emotionally this time, e.g. what work has he done on himself, or what has changed so that you don't get put through that again?

Sometimes contact slows because the date is imminent, also you will have more to talk about on the date if you have not shared all your week news by text already. Judge him by how he is on the date, that's where the really good stuff is.

Warning: sex stuff: faked with Mr Soughdough last night. I hate myself for it. I think he knew, or maybe that was my imagination, and now feel like I've broken trust. Really beating myself up about it. Can he have known? It was after play so he was just touching me, not actual sex, and he was being so attentive and so patient, I just felt that he will think there's something wrong with me if I don't after all that effort. I am now worried he might break up with me because I haven't been honest with him. I am circling the drain as everything else is so amazing between us.

Please be less harsh on yourself.

IMHO you have done nothing at all wrong. Shot in the dark but have you changed your meds (don't tell me obv) as some can affect this 💐

I'm not on any meds. I just get up in my head about taking too long and then can't. Partly age, partly a last bad experience with an ex who blamed me for "not coming enough." He has some ED (which has not been discussed.) It's not a huge issue, he has managed sometimes and he's generous and attentive in bed. I feel like a fraud.

Your ex was a moron!

Maybe some scripts for letting him know you had a good time but it's not happening for you today/right now?

Omg @rubberduck68 please don't be so hard on yourself! You're still in a fairly new sexual relationship, sometimes things take time and who cares what you did in the meantime. And yes, agree with @Nosdacariad , your ex can bore off!

@rubberduck68 your ex sounds awful! Please try not to get in your head about this, navigating sex in a new relationship can be complicated and awkward but the important thing is communicating, which you two seem to have been pretty good at so far! There's no reason for this to damage the trust between you.

Have you spoken to him today?

Thanks, I haven’t spoken to him to him today. I left his house at lunchtime and we are seeing each other again on Monday as we’re both busy at the weekend

I haven't been on her for ages but just wanted to.post about faking it. @rubberduck68

Orgasms for women are all.in our head so if we get inside our heads there's no hope.

I think you should accept what led you to feel you had to fake it and then move on. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

Can you decide what to say if it happens again?

This often happens to me, either with a new partner who doesn't know what I like or when I'm inside my head.
With new partners I usually tell them that I dont orgasm easily so not to expect it but I'll definitely make noises so they know I'm enjoying myself.
If its in my head like the other morning I just said that I wasnt in the head space and my brain had started thinking about the day and what I had on, we laughed about it, he carried on and I got a rude book out and read some of that which got my head back in the right heads pace!