DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@BoxOfCats this is the riveting conversation I've had today.

Speaking of consistency, thoughts please hive mind.

Re pub guy from Saturday. Messaged lots on Sunday and arranged a date for next Friday.

Minimal messaging yesterday, last message from me met with a laughing emoji.

Messaged today, another laughing emoji and nowt back at all.

Shall I just write him off into the vat of lost men too?

Id just see how it goes this week, match his effort and see if date goes ahead. Let him lead though.

Im a firm believer in sitting back and letting men lead early on, and you match their effort. You get a feel of their effort levels and intention. You need to be in the "feminine" for a man to be in the "masculine"

Obviously once your in an actual relationship effort should be mutual and there is nothing wrong with planning things for your partner. But early on I feel like you sit back and let them show you what they are made of.

The emoji thing is so low effort - and this is such early days, this is his a- game…???!!?

Oh that is not good.

Hi everyone, I’ve spoken to a friend about Mr Engineer and we’ve decided that there’s enough of an ick that I’m going to have to call it a day now. She agrees he’s definitely not right for me. So back to the apps to see who else is lurking and has potential. My expectations are low…

@CleanShirt the chat like pulling teeth did make me laugh. We have to laugh else we’d cry, right?! It’s disappointing that the In The Wild guy sounds as useless as the OLD lot.

@Brightbluesomething from what you said you’re doing the right thing. It’s tough going back to the apps but what can you do.

Love the idea of the loo update - I have a date scheduled next weekend so if it actually happens I will try and do one!

So jarred with the whole thing! I'll definitely be matching his effort from now on. I think I'll delete his number and let him make any sort of move for now.

Also annoyed I blocked a night out when I could have made other plans!

Haha that really made me smile!
And just reinforces my view that OLD should at best be treated as a form of entertainment, not something to pin any serious hopes on!

I just have to vent… A friend just said to me well maybe if you texted him enough in between dates and flirted with him on text he’d be out with you now and not someone else who did that! Wow!

Don’t regret it, it’s all important information, next!

I agree with your friend. I know going back to the app feels like trudging off into the wilderness again but, you just never know what’s around the corner?

Rude and not true!

Yay!
so glad this thread is back! I did post on one of the other ones but watched the last with great interest as I was in dating hibernation mode.

I ventured back onto the apps on Friday evening, have chatted to a lot of men (most aren’t even worth a mention!)

but there’s one. He seemed to give a scripted answer in two different questions I asked him which basically concluded in “I just want a woman who mouths ‘I fucking love you’ from across a crowded room”

I could forgive this, possibly- but then yesterday morning I woke up to photos of his kids playing. They’re young, similar age to mine, faces on full display… I don’t know; but it irked me somewhat!

then last night I got a monologue about how he’d been to the pub with his mate, lost his house keys and climbed through his bathroom window and ripped his jeans.

Today, a chaser text checking Im alive as I didn’t reply to the above.

Maybe I’m getting cynical and old (late 30s!) but none of this is attractive to me! Thoughts please wise ones?

But he wasnt messaging you either?
Always match their energy initially.
Remember if they want to, they will....your mum said so! 😊

I see I’m not alone in finding the apps absolutely dire at the moment…I’ve deleted fb dating and hinge as they were awful and I’ve kept tinder but everyone just looks so unappealing…where are the lovely 50+ men hiding?

The photo of kids and then the loosing keys / climbing thru the window would totally give me the ick.

Gives the impression he and his kids are too avaliable and loosing his keys that he needs looking after 🙄

Yeah, but I’m the one who said to him on the first date that I didn’t really want to text, which is why my friend is going heavy on me right now, feels kind of crap though to think this might be my fault?

@whallaloadofbollocks All of that would put me off. Go with your gut.

@rubberduck68 This is not your fault. You told him what works for you. Don’t ever do the pick me dance for a man. He either likes you for you, or you move into the next one. Chin up!

This man sounds socially clueless…

If you dont like texting you dont like it. Your person is out there who will get you.

Thankyou @rubberduck68@OneShyQuail
I was second guessing myself and wondering if I was being too precious over these things!

No I didn’t read that at all, you were speaking to your needs, that is everything!

Mr Chatty reappeared and still lots of chat but no suggestion of a date. How long do you typically chat before one of you suggests meeting? I think I’ll bite the bullet soon and tell him to let me know if he wants a drink some time.