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Original poster

Friend crossing boundary with husband?

203 replies

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:16

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

OP posts:
Alwaysalert · 30/12/2025 19:28

shuggles · 30/12/2025 17:44

@xxCharlottexx I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

You know this is normal, right? Lots of women and girls use messages with heart emojis and kisses. I've been on the receiving end of loads of such messages, but these messages absolutely don't suggest any kind of attraction. They are just general friendliness.

Don't know if this is a joke post but if not then you are on a different wavelength to the rest of the posters on here. It is NOT normal to contact a married man with flirty messages, love heart emojis, kisses etc. I repeat a married man, who was never your friend but is your so called friend's husband. I would not do that to someone's husband whether I was a friend to the husband even before the wife met them. This vile woman is either intent on having him for an affair or possible future partner or just wants to cause discord within the marriage, just for the drama. Some women seem to thrive on other people's unhappiness and enjoy causing chaos or another reason as I mentioned in another post, to get back at OP for whatever reason they fell out in the first place 7/8 years ago. Whatever reason OP needs to let husband know whilst he may feel flattered at the attention, you do not and ask how he would actually feel if the boot was on the other foot. She should not need to tell her DH to block/ignore her, he should be asking OP could she have a word with her friend as he feels uncomfortable with her obvious attention and could OP spell out that is not interested at all and is quite happily married and wants to stay that way.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 30/12/2025 19:33

The best thing he could do to send a clear message is unfollow and block her. If she finds a way to contact him to ask why, the answer needs to be (from him) ‘I was finding all of the contact too much.’ Not ‘my wife didn’t like it’ or anything which passes the buck by blaming you as it will give her an opportunity to paint you out as a jealous worrier and simply carry on. It needs to be something which tells her that he personally isn’t interested in talking to her.

Anonanonanonagain · 30/12/2025 19:37

Christ this woman is a walking red flag. He needs to stop speaking to her, she sounds like shes deluded herself that shes in a relationship with him. Weirdo.

Horses7 · 30/12/2025 19:41

Knock this on the head immediately!! She’s either really after him or doing it to annoy the hell out of you - doesn’t matter draw line in sand for husband and tell her she’s bahaving like an idiot.
Fall out with her big time if necessary.
H has got to stop all contact on pain of death!!

TheIceBear · 30/12/2025 19:44

This is so inappropriate but in all honesty you need to talk to your husband and get him to address it. Since he is the one receiving the messages it just would be better coming from him .. perhaps ignoring them and blocking her would be the best strategy

Ginburee · 30/12/2025 19:47

She isn't close to crossing boundries- she has already crossed them.
Your husband needs to be firm and certainly not go to her gym to help her.
Then you both need to block her- the social media pictures alone are a huge red flag.
She is not your friend, more of a frenemy.

shuggles · 30/12/2025 20:00

@Alwaysalert Don't know if this is a joke post but if not then you are on a different wavelength to the rest of the posters on here. It is NOT normal to contact a married man with flirty messages, love heart emojis, kisses etc. I repeat a married man, who was never your friend but is your so called friend's husband.

I've received a ton of flirty messages. Once I grew past my teenage years and early 20s, I quickly became clued in to the fact that this is just some people's way of being friendly.

I thought it was common knowledge, among everyone who isn't socially inept, that a woman being friendly does not mean she wants a relationship or to have sex.

This vile woman is either intent on having him for an affair or possible future partner or just wants to cause discord within the marriage, just for the drama.

The drama would only happen if OP's husband tried to do anything, which he hasn't... because he knows this is just friendliness...

PopcornKitten · 30/12/2025 20:13

Reads like she’s trying to make herself the main character in your life. Shes clearly trying to make herself front and centre in your DHs life. You may not like confrontation but ino these sort of people don’t really listen to what you say to them. They’re by nature selfish. It’s good DH isn’t happy either and now you need him to tell her to back off. If necessary both block her.

Potteryclass1 · 30/12/2025 20:14

She gets her dopamine from attention from men.
her gym phase is just to get attention.
i think your husband should tell her to stop, not you. Hes the one in contact with her.
i gave no idea why people think it should be you who tells her?!??!
and then you still have the opportunity to be her friend if she wants. And if you want. Which I don’t think you do.

JustSawJohnny · 30/12/2025 21:13

She's on the hunt for a replacement Daddy.

This needs dealing with - sooner rather than later.

If DH is genuinely uncomfortable with her attention, he should be the one to message her and shut it down. It doesn't take much to drop a text saying she is making him uncomfortable with the messages and photos and he doesn't want her to keep contacting him. Then block her on his phone.

After that, keep your distance.

Either tell her to fuck right off or just ignore her messages until she gets the hint.

She sounds desperate.

JustSawJohnny · 30/12/2025 21:15

This vile woman is either intent on having him for an affair or possible future partner or just wants to cause discord within the marriage, just for the drama.

I agree.

She's desperate for attention and enjoying the thought that he might want her.

Best to let her know he doesn't and send her on her way.

She'll soon find a new victim.

Copperoliverbear · 30/12/2025 21:39

tell her the truth she’s being over familiar my husband and I don’t like it and please don’t message him anymore and as far as our friendship is concerned I think we will only say hello how are you ect when we see each other.

YouOKHun · 30/12/2025 22:01

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 30/12/2025 19:33

The best thing he could do to send a clear message is unfollow and block her. If she finds a way to contact him to ask why, the answer needs to be (from him) ‘I was finding all of the contact too much.’ Not ‘my wife didn’t like it’ or anything which passes the buck by blaming you as it will give her an opportunity to paint you out as a jealous worrier and simply carry on. It needs to be something which tells her that he personally isn’t interested in talking to her.

I agree with this and the other posters saying the same. Your DH needs to say something. She needs to know HE doesn’t like it.

If he has already been slow to respond then the next message from her needs a response along the lines of,

“Frienemy, stop pestering me. I don’t have time for your unrelenting contact and it’s getting very irritating”.

Do not be polite, do not include the word sorry. HE needs to let her know that he considers her a nuisance and that’s as important as she is, like a fly he wants to swot. Then he needs to ignore her and block her. You can block her straight away. Neither of you should get into a to and fro with her afterwards. Then blank her. She will know why. Don’t worry about her feelings, she isn’t concerned about yours.

Alwaysalert · 31/12/2025 07:09

shuggles · 30/12/2025 20:00

@Alwaysalert Don't know if this is a joke post but if not then you are on a different wavelength to the rest of the posters on here. It is NOT normal to contact a married man with flirty messages, love heart emojis, kisses etc. I repeat a married man, who was never your friend but is your so called friend's husband.

I've received a ton of flirty messages. Once I grew past my teenage years and early 20s, I quickly became clued in to the fact that this is just some people's way of being friendly.

I thought it was common knowledge, among everyone who isn't socially inept, that a woman being friendly does not mean she wants a relationship or to have sex.

This vile woman is either intent on having him for an affair or possible future partner or just wants to cause discord within the marriage, just for the drama.

The drama would only happen if OP's husband tried to do anything, which he hasn't... because he knows this is just friendliness...

Lots of women are friendly but all the ones I know now, and the dozens I have ben friends with from different workplaces, would not do this to a married man, especially when his wife is present! Oh yes, I have met plenty/observed plenty more women, who would take a friendly smile from a man as an invitation to take her out/have a shag. Some women are delusional, some predatory and some just plain desperate as they seem unable to get or keep a boyfriend/partner/husband of their own, so all bets off and solidarity so out of vogue. Some men of course take those smiles from women as an open invitation to have a shag, any time the men can be bothered. No need for courtship for those women - they're more than happy with clandestine meetings at women's abode or if not possible a park or even the nearest alley. If the man is married he does not have to give her more than an hourr or 2 at the most as he has a ready made excuse for a quick getaway - the wife.

MsDogLady · 31/12/2025 07:57

@xxCharlottexx, the toxic actions of this woman are way beyond your description of ‘weird’. They are calculated and malicious.

She is decidedly not your friend or a friend of your marriage. She has an agenda to pursue and snare your Husband, and couldn’t care less about stabbing you in the back. She feels entitled to make these moves and he is allowing it. His blaming his porous boundaries on ‘I’m just being polite’ and ‘I was drunk’ do not cut it.

My H would have nipped her advances pronto. By not definitively shutting her down, your H has enabled and fueled her. She sees that he is entertaining her frequent flirty messages featuring hearts and kisses and flattering requests for his advice about their common interests. He has shown her (and you and others) that he is open to her marathon hugs and cozy ‘just-us’ selfies and SM stories. Instead of being put-off and angry at her disrespect to you both, he is clearly boosted by her infatuation and attention.

Please don’t diminish yourself by continuing to speak to and meet up with this devious individual who is actively trying to harm your marriage. H needs to send her a clear message that he is uncomfortable with the contact and then you both need to block her.

Original poster
xxCharlottexx · 31/12/2025 08:16

I’ve literally just caught up. Thank you so much for all the comments.

So she’s been trying to wrangle her way into my friendship group since we’ve been back in touch. She’s had a couple of nights out with us and none of them like her. They’ve all said she gives off a bad vibe / doesn’t seem trustworthy. So it was getting awkward anyway with her trying to gate crash everything.

You are all right. My husband is going to block her and I’m just going to try and distance myself from her.

She messaged him again yesterday asking if he could come and sort an issue out at her house ( he’s a builder ). I’ve told him to tell her he’s just too busy. Strange thing is, when we were friends back in the day, she used to use someone else.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 31/12/2025 08:32

Your husband needs to be blunt. Please refrain from messaging me, it's making me feel uncomfortable.

AnonAnonmystery · 31/12/2025 08:37

Wow, trying to lure your husband over on nye. She really is a piece of work!

VoodooQualities · 31/12/2025 08:46

Definitely inappropriate behaviour on her part! Flirty messages, photos with her holding on to him... then inviting him over to 'fix something' at her house eh? Yeah right.

Even if you've got totally the wrong end of the stick and everything is innocent, she still sounds like a nightmare and all your friends think she's untrustworthy... so nothing lost by blocking her I reckon.

Lotsofsnacks · 31/12/2025 08:58

Do not trust her, pls go back to the no contact days!! She sounds awful.

RideTheGoat · 31/12/2025 09:15

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:44

So my husband was a little drunk when she was taking the photos. Not that it’s an excuse for him. Literaly like 8 of them are the same and there’s a couple of others. She also put up 2 stories with just them in the photo which I thought was very weird. Oh and then she went on to tell me her mum finds my husband attractive and was talking about how muscly etc he was.

You've got lots of replies and I haven't read them all but echoing that I wouldn't continue this friendship and I would slide out of it quietly.

I had a thought about the pics. I wonder if she is doing it in an attempt to try to make her ex jealous.

That thought aside, her behaviour is not okay and is very disrespectful to you.

Areola · 31/12/2025 09:26

xxCharlottexx · 31/12/2025 08:16

I’ve literally just caught up. Thank you so much for all the comments.

So she’s been trying to wrangle her way into my friendship group since we’ve been back in touch. She’s had a couple of nights out with us and none of them like her. They’ve all said she gives off a bad vibe / doesn’t seem trustworthy. So it was getting awkward anyway with her trying to gate crash everything.

You are all right. My husband is going to block her and I’m just going to try and distance myself from her.

She messaged him again yesterday asking if he could come and sort an issue out at her house ( he’s a builder ). I’ve told him to tell her he’s just too busy. Strange thing is, when we were friends back in the day, she used to use someone else.

But why try and distance yourself?

You have the perfect opportunity. None of your friends like her. She's trying it on with your husband! Where is your self respect???

Just get rid and block her. You seem very passive in all of this. Are you afraid of her reaction? Get rid of her once and for all and you will feel immense relief believe me!

mbonfield · 31/12/2025 09:29

Ditch she is no friend and as for the request to go her house, what a checky t**t!

NearlyMonday · 31/12/2025 10:28

Thanks for the update OP, I am glad your husband is going to block her (hopefully this has already happened), and your friends sound like they’ve got the measure of her! Bin and move on

NextItsBooty · 31/12/2025 10:40

One of my friends husbands did this to me once, so I was the one who was the OP’s husband in this scenario. Like the OP’s dh I just messaged back out of politeness towards my friend really. The dh and I did have something in common (our nationality) that nobody else did.

One night I was out with a group of friends, including my friend, and the dh sent me a text and I replied at the table and then he texted her and I could tell by her face that this situation was not what I thought it was, me just trying to be polite to a friends dh.

It hit me like a tonne of bricks in that one second. I genuinely hadn’t thought anything about it before but I knew then that it was weird and I blocked him immediately. The next time I saw him in person he didn’t mention it (and neither did I) which to me cemented the fact that he was thinking about it differently from me.