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Original poster

Friend crossing boundary with husband?

203 replies

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:16

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 30/12/2025 15:53

Yikes! Both of you need to block her. Honestly, if you try to call her out, she'll act faux innocent and make out you're the problem. Just blockedy block.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 30/12/2025 15:57

It's quite simple really, she wants to shag your husband. I would end the friendship, block her on everything and give your husband a firm talking to about not being a "rescuer" in future.

User8008135 · 30/12/2025 15:59

TwistedWonder · 30/12/2025 15:52

She’s no friend but your DH needs to either ignore her or shut her down.

And you need to cut her out - she’s trouble with a capital T

This, 100%. Seems like she's your friend to get contact with your dh, rather then genuine reconnection. Nip this in the bud. Him first, as she sounds more wanting his attention anyway and he needs to be thr one to shut this down. Then you when she tries again through you.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 30/12/2025 16:04

Your DH either wants to continue contact with her or he doesn't.

If he does then you need to be getting your "ducks in a row" as this contact will only head one way.

His decision will show whether he wants you or her.

CantThinkOfAnotherUsernane · 30/12/2025 16:04

If it was my husband he would have already told her to fuck off but that’s just how he is, if not I’d have no problem in telling her I was cutting contact and exactly why.
I had this same thing years ago with an ex and an old friend I’d not spoken to for a few years, they ended up having sex which is why he’s now an ex and I have no contact with the “friend”

chunkyBoo · 30/12/2025 16:09

Clearly she’s after your husband. Speak to your husband and approach it together with a joint approach, don’t let her squinney about you to him

JamieCannister · 30/12/2025 16:11

Iamsaved1995 · 30/12/2025 14:37

Urgh very similar has happened to me before

These types of women have no boundaries and no shame. You both need to cut her off like a diseased limb and never have contact again. She's getting far too familiar and I know what her goal is.

No you don't!

It could be to get laid, get a new husband, or destroy a marriage... or it could be for the lols of watching OP squirm and worry, or (maybe, at a push) it could be innocent.

Wheresthebeach · 30/12/2025 16:13

Jesus...your DH needs to put an end to this. He either ghosts her or says something like 'sorry, I really don't have that much free time to chat, very busy family man and all that'. He's the first step. You need to step back from the friendship, even if you don't want to cut her out completely, arrange coffee with her alone and leave your DH out of it. I somehow doubt she'll bother to keep the friendship going without your DH in the mix.

faial · 30/12/2025 16:18

I think you need to ask (tell) your husband to send her a very short message telling her not to contact him again - preferably something blunt along the lines of "stop throwing yourself at me I am not interested" and do not use "please" or "sorry". Perhaps that might make her realise what an embarassing tit she's making of herself - though she's likely to try and reframe it as him throwing himself at her. And then you both block her immediately. She's not going to listen to anything from you - she doesn't care what you think. She's either doing this to cause trouble for you or because she genuinely wants to shag him. Even a terse or tardy reply from him is being taken as a green light so he really does need to spell it out.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 30/12/2025 16:33

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:16

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

If your husband feels uncomfortable you can suggest he blocks her. And if she contacts you to ask why then you can say he’s deleted his account as he does from time to time as he often gets random desperate women sending him flirty messages pretending to ask for advice. Then she will know he wasn’t keeping secrets from you and it will put her in her place. If she doesn’t ask then just back off and be busy… fade her out. Drama never works with these types.

outerspacepotato · 30/12/2025 16:37

Time for you both to block her.

She's after your husband and you all know it. Why keep up a pretense that you're friends? She just used you to have someone around when her marriage broke down and now she wants you to have the same experience.

Unicorn34 · 30/12/2025 16:37

I had to back away from my "best friend" of many years when I met my first husband - she used to sleep with people that I really liked, or had been on a date with. Not sure why, she just did. When I met my now ex-husband in the beginning I knew it was going to be a serious relationship so backed away from her - glad I did as found out over the 10 yrs we were together he'd pretty much slept with anyone that he fancied the whole time, so she would've got her way!

On a serious note about your "friend" - she really isn't one. I'd not say anything to her, act nonchalant about any questions or invites if asked, and carry on with life as you did before. Your husband, however, needs to do the same. Even answering her texts in an abrupt manner will give her the come-on as she doesn't seem to have any boundaries.

Stand firm. HE needs to step up and stop this, but not with words as she will only blame you, with his FEET and TEXTING FINGERS!

Good luck - you have every right to be pissed off about this.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 30/12/2025 16:38

She is at it @xxCharlottexx

your DH needs to out a firmly worded, unambiguous stop to this asap.

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2025 16:40

You don't need this person as a friend in your life, Charlotte.
Gently freeze her out.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 30/12/2025 16:42

Suggested message from him:

Hi, I need to ask you to stop sending me private messages. You’re an acquaintance of my wife, and the tone of your messages is inappropriate and disrespectful. I’m happily married and not interested in continuing private contact.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2025 16:42

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:25

No they go to separate gyms, but she asked him to start going to her gym to ‘help her’.

Show quote history

Your friend is not really a friend. She is a user and is currently trying to start a relationship with your husband.

I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Bin her.

Yogabearmous · 30/12/2025 16:43

“I’m married to my wife and you need to stop bothering me” would help.

4forksache · 30/12/2025 16:47

Dh needs to text her to stop texting him as it’s not appropriate.

You need to not respond to messages anymore.

blankcanvas3 · 30/12/2025 16:47

He should stop replying entirely and you should drop her

TheMorgenmuffel · 30/12/2025 16:48

Literally all your husband needs to do is message
"Please stop messaging me. It's inappropriate and you are making me feel uncomfortable. I'm blocking you now"

Then block her.

It needs to be him. If he won't then that is a problem.

Dweetfidilove · 30/12/2025 16:49

@xxCharlottexx , pisstakers are never afraid of conflict, but those who are afraid, get shit on all day and night.

Do you and your husband want to have this person playing in your face or do you want to protect your marriage?

He doesn’t want to cut this off, so she'll continue chipping at his boundaries. You don't eant conflict, so you're going to stay in touch as well.
Soon, you won't be able to ignore it, so you'll turn on your husband and vice versa. Bam, you both have an issue you didn't go looking for; but we're too weak to confront head on.

Cadenza12 · 30/12/2025 16:50

You need to block her and move on. She's not your friend.

Tresd · 30/12/2025 16:53

How about the blunt truth op

You message her saying: Your behaviour with my DH has been inappropriate. Don’t contact either of us again.

You shouldn’t avoid confrontation. Sometimes it’s exactly what’s needed.

DBD1975 · 30/12/2025 16:58

You need to take her down and fast.
Bang out of order, I have a friend from years ago who was a dreadful flirt and craved male attention and had to have every man whether she wanted them or not.
I bumped into her recently and she is on her own and wanted to meet up and as much as I would like to I know she wouldn't be able to help herself with my husband so I absolutely won't be meeting up with her.
I can't trust her and I don't want the drama. You are fully entitled to feel how you feel OP and you are not being overly dramatic.

Sassylovesbooks · 30/12/2025 17:00

Your husband needs to shut this woman down completely. He needs to block her. Yes, he's responding in a polite manner, and answering her fitness questions but this needs to stop. I suspect there is jealousy, that you are married to an attractive, athletic man, and she wants what you have. Her self-esteem has likely taken a beating after her divorce, and she's trying to prove that she's still attractive to men. Unfortunately, she's no friend of yours or your husband - she's deliberately trying to lure your husband, to prove to herself that she can. Or to turn to you and say 'look what your husband sent to me, I just had to tell you because you deserve to know' to simply cause trouble in your relationship. Regardless of her intentions or motive, she's a nasty piece of work, and you need to end the friendship by blocking her and having nothing further to do with her. It's unfortunate she knows which gym your husband attends, because I bet your bottom dollar, she'll suddenly turn up!!