Friend crossing boundary with husband?

[xxCharlottexx]

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

“But obviously I can’t ignore her forever”
You can though, if you don’t want to confront her.
Either way she isn’t your friends and you’d be better off without her.

This woman isn’t your friend, you fell out for 8 years and didn’t speak? You’re someone she knows and you both only interact when you’re useful to each other. it’s like a frenemy set up.

She’s obviously going through a shitty time in life, that’s the only reason she rekindled the friendship, she’s lonely and doesn’t have anyone else. When her life is good, she didn’t bother with you.

because of how unstable and insincere your friendship is, she has no loyalty to you and if one thing led to another, she would escalate things with your husband

You need to get ahead of this, firstly she is not your friend- friends dont flirt with your husband! Next get your husband to not reply to her messages (he is only encouraging her if he does and foolishly boosting his own ego). If she persists he should block her that should give her the message. Also dump her asap she’ll not a friendly she a trouble maker in your marriage

If she's recently split from her husband, and is now sticking pictures on her story of her and your husband with a big cheesy grin and arms around him, I'd be thinking she's hoping her ex sees and it's an attempt to make him jealous.
She does sound like she's moving toward crossing a boundary, and I don't think I'd be happy with how she is behaving. But I think the story thing really comes across like she's hoping it gets back to the ex

Absolutely this - both block her & ignore.

By the sound of it DH isn't interested in her, which is the most important thing. You could just ask her ti leave him alone!

I think the boundary needs to come from your husband.. (written by you haha)

i would like it if I was you.

Why on earth hasn't your husband told her to leave him alone? That the messages makes him uncomfortable and hes happily married.
Why did he pose with her for those pictures in the first place?

Aside from that, she isnt your mate. She is disrespecting you and your marriage. Hopefully your hubby steps up and cuts it off (imagine asking him to do this though 🤦‍♀️) and once hes done that id just totally ghost her. Not block or anything just ignore.

Jeeeezus the brass nerve of some people....get your own man love!

I'd tell her to stop private messaging your husband and tell him to take her off his Facebook.
She is way to over familiar and disrespectful to you .

But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend?

Do you get that she's not your friend and these aren't the actions of a friend? You can ignore her however long you want. She ignored you for 8 years until she could get some companionship and now she's very obviously making a play for your husband.

She's an opportunistic acquaintance who's disrespecting you and your spouse publicly and privately. This is deliberate. Your husband needs to not give her the time of day and block her. You don't have to say a word unless you'd like to tell her to fuck off with her disrespectful self.

She's just shit stirring, I'd be distancing from her . She sounds jealous that you are happy and she's not. Remember why you haven't been friends for years and stop contacting her.

In the nicest possible way, if she behaved like this with my husband she’d be getting a fist in her face!

Yeh get your husband to block her, and you have nothing more to do with her. Shes obs after him. You do not need someone like this in your life. I know a couple this happened to. The husband was very blunt in the end but it worked.

Yep. Or he would have shut it down and not gone on to have “drunken” flirty photos with her.

For her to take notice, your DH needs to be the one to tell her to back off. She needs to hear it from him. I had a problem with old neighbour, desperate for my ex, but because he enjoyed the flirtation he wouldn’t tell her to stop. He wasn’t the least bit interested in her but this went on for years.

This one nails it for me. She is absolutely not your friend if she behaves this way with your husband. Drop her and ask your DH to drop her too. She’s just out to cause trouble.

@xxCharlottexx id see her face to face . Tell her she has crossed a line and that you and your husband will be having nothing more to do with her .

It sounds like she is making a play for him. .
I am not normally one who would go to “oh she’s a single female watch your man “
however seems she has her sites set on him.

If he keeps in touch when you have asked him not to when you know how much he respects you and how much you can trust him .

I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could describe her as a friend.
She’s someone you used to know, who you fell out of touch with because she wasn’t particularly nice. Seven years later, she’s back and behaving like an absolute bitch again
Why on earth wouldn’t you just tell her to piss off back under the rock she crawled from?

jesus mary, @xxCharlottexx

Op one message hey I think we need to go back to not speaking your making my dh very uncomfortable and neither of us want this then block her both of you. Honestly some fucking women are so blatant cheeky bitch don’t give her anymore thought you managed before she turned up your marriage is solid she’s trying to bust it up no friends do this.

Absolutely! Strange thing is that professionally I was exceptionally good at this and was basically wheeled out in my organisation to deal with any conflict situation and diffuses it.

I grew up with a volatile alcoholic violent father and a mentally ill mother. I think she probably had undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

I married a husband who came form the absolute opposite kind of family but one where any kind of disagrremtn was not permitted. I remember his mum always saying about her husband 'we don't like cake do we?' even though he did like cake.

My hsuabdn and I never had one disagreement or argument in our entire marriage. We did get on very very well and were ver likeminded. However, I suppressed so much of what I wanted and some of his behaviours were so so hard and stressful that I ended up in psychosis and lost every single thing I worked for and ironically it destroyed his life also. I never even saw it happening.

Your husband should tell her himself she is crossing the line then maybe she will get the message. But either way both cut her off and tell her why. She's not a friend no wonder you wasn't in touch for 8 years.

Your husband should tell her himself she is crossing the line then maybe she will get the message. But either way both cut her off and tell her why. She's not a friend no wonder you wasn't in touch for 8 years.

I wouldn’t have ‘the boundaries’ ’ talk because then you’re telling her that you and your husband both know she fancies dh, and she may get a thrill from that, and try to pursue it further.

I would just fade her out of your life. Get Dh onboard, and tell him to stop responding.

She's no friend to you! Your husband needs to wake up as well.