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Original poster

Friend crossing boundary with husband?

203 replies

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:16

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

OP posts:
justanotherchangeofname · 30/12/2025 17:06

She's not a friend, you either need to ask her why she's contacting your husband so much and that she's acting weird or just freeze her out- she doesn't give a flying fuck about you otherwise she wouldn't be behaving the way she is.

Your husband needs to ignore her at the very least, ideally block her so she gets the message quicker!

Don't feel bad for dropping her, she dropped you when she felt like it and after rekindling the friendship, she's trying to act upon the clear crush she's got on your husband! Maybe that's why she got back in contact 🤷🏻‍♀️, either way, don't allow her (or your DH!) to take the piss out of you any longer

MyDeftDuck · 30/12/2025 17:13

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever……………..I certainly would!
She is overstepping the mark, CF!

MeridianB · 30/12/2025 17:20

OneSassyRobin · 30/12/2025 14:27

She’s actively disrespecting you and your marriage by hitting on your husband. I wouldn’t keep her as a friend. You don’t owe her an explanation, just stop hanging out with her and have your husband block her on everything.

This. She sounds like an idiot and clearly couldn’t care less about your friendship.

NearlyMonday · 30/12/2025 17:23

LucyLoo1972 · 30/12/2025 15:11

not liking conflict destroyed my marriage and ruined my life entirely

Show quote history

I can understand this. OP, two words - back off - should be all you need

Alwaysalert · 30/12/2025 17:28

Charlenedickens · 30/12/2025 15:36

Dont act like it's a comp. Your husband needs to deal with this as he's the one she's targetting. He needs to ignore her. One word responses every two or three days. She's not your friens

No response at all really as she may never go away. She may want the DH as she finds him attractive or she may just want to split them up as she is hanging on to whatever disagreement caused the friendship to fail in the first place and led to 7/8 years of no contact from OP. I hate women like this who openly target your bf/dp/dh as any reaction from the gf/wife is seen as petty jealousy. Some men are just so vain they lap up the attntion from OW but would cause a scene if it was a man doing same to their partner/wife. (I have experience of both) She is no friend I would want even if I was alone and needed company.

SparklingCrow · 30/12/2025 17:28

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:44

So my husband was a little drunk when she was taking the photos. Not that it’s an excuse for him. Literaly like 8 of them are the same and there’s a couple of others. She also put up 2 stories with just them in the photo which I thought was very weird. Oh and then she went on to tell me her mum finds my husband attractive and was talking about how muscly etc he was.

Oh come the fuck on, OP. This has to be a joke post?

If not, the words you’re looking for are ‘fuck off’ - for her and him.

Dolphinnoises · 30/12/2025 17:30

How about:

Hi Doris, hope you’re having a good Christmas. Been thinking about you a lot over the break. It’s been interesting reconnecting with you after 7 years but as you are clearly trying to fuck my husband, I think we’ll leave it there. Best of luck with all of your future endeavours.

Blueskies77 · 30/12/2025 17:33

She’s after your husband. She is Not a friend. Your husband needs to be the one to make it clear he’s not interested and you both need to cut her out of your lives asap. Block delete and move on.

Ljzjta · 30/12/2025 17:37

The only way forward with this is to tell your husband he needs to put her in her place and him tell her she’s being inappropriate. He is encouraging her by even replying (even if it is blunt) he’s giving her attention. He needs to message and tell her to stop.

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 30/12/2025 17:40

xxCharlottexx · 30/12/2025 14:16

I’m looking for opinions and advice please xx

So I’ve recently got back in touch with an old friend after falling out for 7/8 years, Literaly not speaking at all. She’s recently split from her husband and is living back at home with their 4 children. She’s the 1 who reached out.

She’s been round the house a fair few times recently and she seemed to hit it off with my husband quite well. They’re both ‘gym goers’ so that seems to be their common interest.

Anyway, now it seems like she’s messaging him a lot privately on social media. It was just memes to start with, but now she’s constantly asking for ‘gym advice’, ‘what to eat, what exercises to do’ etc.

I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

I feel it’s a little bit much, but I don’t know whether I’m just being paranoid or not? My husband says he’s just being polite by messaging back.

We recently had a night out in town where my husband a few friends met us later in the night. She was taking loads of photos of them both together ( we both agreed it was a bit weird ) and then sent like 10 photos to him privately the next day. It Literaly looked like they were a couple as she had her arm round him with the biggest smile on her face.

I haven’t seen her in person since then and I’ve deliberately said I’ve been busy to avoid meeting her. But i obviously can’t ignore her forever. Should I just tell her that I feel it’s crossing my boundary as a friend? Or maybe just go for the cowards way out and get my husband to block her, then pretend he deleted his account. I really don’t like confrontation but feel I should say something.

You tell your husband first and foremost that he no longer entertains her messages at all. A complete stop to any responses moving forwards. You cant stop her from contacting him but he can damn well have some respect for you as your husband! How the hell would he feel if you were constantly being harassed privately by another man? By responding he is encouraging the behaviour whether he intends to or not. Hopefully she will back off once he stops responding. If he tells you they're just friends, its a MASSIVE red flag. His ego is taking a massaging at all of the new attention. He is secretly enjoying it if he doesn't listen to you and take on board your very valid feelings.
She is NOT a friend BTW OP. You survived 7yrs without her in your life so no reason why you can't do another stretch. This WILL end badly btw.......

Lineofdutytoofar · 30/12/2025 17:40

She’s vile and she knows exactly what she’s doing. I wouldn’t say anything to her at all (these pathetic specimens live for the drama of this type of shite) just block and ignore. Your DH needs to do the same. And if he won’t? You have a different problem.

LetTheMadnessEnd · 30/12/2025 17:42

Ghost this predatory woman immediately and never contact her again.
Also, keep an eye on your hubby and his phone as she is unlikely to give up easily.

Branleuse · 30/12/2025 17:43

I think that she has decided to go after your husband to get back at you for the previous falling out.
Your husband needs to catch on, not be flattered. I would tell him that you have reason to believe that it's fake and she's trying to hurt you and that he needs to block her on everything and show united front with you.

shuggles · 30/12/2025 17:44

@xxCharlottexx I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

You know this is normal, right? Lots of women and girls use messages with heart emojis and kisses. I've been on the receiving end of loads of such messages, but these messages absolutely don't suggest any kind of attraction. They are just general friendliness.

OkWinifred · 30/12/2025 17:45

She’s trouble.
I would end the ‘friendship’ and get your DH to block her.

SparklingCrow · 30/12/2025 17:53

shuggles · 30/12/2025 17:44

@xxCharlottexx I’ve seen the messages and they are quite flirty, little love heart emojis, kisses etc. It seems fine from my husbands end as his messages are quite blunt, and sometimes even ignores them when she’s trying to carry on the conversation. She likes every post / story he puts up and comments privately on them.

You know this is normal, right? Lots of women and girls use messages with heart emojis and kisses. I've been on the receiving end of loads of such messages, but these messages absolutely don't suggest any kind of attraction. They are just general friendliness.

Is t normal aye? Right ye are pal.

sesquipedalian · 30/12/2025 17:53

“she asked him to start going to her gym to ‘help her’.”

I bet she did! Question is: what sort of help did she have in mind?

Kidsgotothatschool · 30/12/2025 17:54

Your husband needs to tighten his boundaries and you need to drop her, there’s no room for her validation seeking in your marriage.

I’d be very firm with him, he needs to delete her on all SM platforms.

GreyBeeplus3 · 30/12/2025 17:56

You've said you fell out 7/8 years ago and shes now suddenly back after leaving her husband
Not subtle is she?
She's seeing how it turned out for you and would like it for herself
And were youse really friends or tolerant of eachother for convenience?
Lucky your husband is politely neutral
But I think you should just sever all ties
It's no use being diplomatic; a woman like that ignores boundaries and will just go for what she wants regardless
So don't make it into a 'battle' she'd be the sort to like that I imagine, she sounds quite twisted and your apex if it came legitimately down to it would probably be her base 'fight-wise'
Just block her after saying 'jokingly' that she appeared to adore your hubby not you, how 'offended' you were and you were never aware of her being such a gym bunny; And
Isn't she lucky? being surrounded at all times by those hunky fit instructors for her own delectation!
And get hubby to completely block her
Whilst making sure he changes gyms too

Coconutter24 · 30/12/2025 17:56

I wouldn’t message her because I wouldn’t want her to think I feel threatened by her or that she actually stands a chance with my DH. I would tell my DH we’ve had no contact for 7/8 years and now she’s back in touch she’s being to friendly for my liking. I’d tell him I don’t like it and it’s making me uncomfortable and I’d prefer the messages to stop. He can then make a decision on what to do with that information, your DH is the one with loyalty’s to you and your feelings not her.

Tdcp · 30/12/2025 17:57

There's never been a clearer picture of "this woman is after your husband". Tell DH to stop replying to her, hopefully she'll get bored, if not, he needs to tell her he isn't interested. Anything you say will no doubt fall on deaf ears unfortunately. She's not friend to you, that's for sure.

treaconometrie · 30/12/2025 18:02

what did you fall out over?

LAMPS1 · 30/12/2025 18:06

Wants your DH’s help at the gym ?
She’ll be wanting help with her home plumbing next.

Wise up a bit OP.
If you can’t have a stern word telling her that you and your DH have agreed that she’s crossed a line with the photos and made both of you uncomfortable, then you might as well offer him on a plate to her with custard.
She’s loving this game!

Your DH is far too polite so she will take it as far as she can in her desire for it to be proved she’s more lovable to him than you are.

Act swiftly and with confidence before she goes any further.
She’s not nice and doesn’t respect you one bit.

ilovemydaughtermorethanmyson · 30/12/2025 18:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BunnyMcDougall · 30/12/2025 18:10

sesquipedalian · 30/12/2025 17:53

“she asked him to start going to her gym to ‘help her’.”

I bet she did! Question is: what sort of help did she have in mind?

She wants help with stretching. Her fanny. With his penis.