He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Very good advice.

Well done OP. Of course it won't be easy as you were with him for a long time but you've put yourself first and made the right decision. Sending you a huge hug 🫂

What an utter bastard.
Don't let him start gaslighting you and Pretending it's nothing.

You are probably on a bit of a high right now because it’s all happing, but this is a very hard thing to go through. Very hurtful.

When he comes crawling back, you might be at a lonely point. Stay strong. Get support now and don’t let him talk you around.

If you have an Employee Assistance Program at work you can get some support and free counselling. You sound like someone who takes no bullshit though so continue as you are, I like you !

I'm so sorry OP but well done for finding out and kicking him out! What a stupid dick to throw away a good relationship for an illicit thrill 🙄

She won’t be the only one he’s been chatting to on those sites. Grim bastard.

What you have to realise is it’s not you !! I have been through this and thought it was me but it’s absolutely not . He’s gone after a cheap sexual thrill and he will be now facing the consequences of that . Expect him to come crawling back and blaming his mental health but stay strong . What a fool, hope he enjoys his new accommodation!!

Absolutely this ….you’ve put it so well!

OP You have many strangers here feeling so proud of you! I dont always agree with the ‘LTB’ but you’ve acted quickly and decisively. What a woman! Hold your head high and wear that crown with pride.

Well done OP.
Whilst of course this is awful, hurtful and disappointing, you probably have been quietly grieving the relationship already since that first message.

You knew this day would come and you were right.
He's messed up, let him off.
You will feel a sadness but you were inna holding place waiting for this and there is relief when that at least is over.

We are here for you.

It's strange how these men always use the it's just a game, it was only sex excuse, they think if there's no feelings involved you won't mind so much. For me, it only makes it worse that they abandon all loyalty for a shag

To the person who said I’ve been grieving since the first message I think you’re right. I feel very sad now as it’s all hitting home. My life is going to change so much. All the things we did together are gone and now it’s just me. I have to pull myself together and go to work but at least I wfh so don’t have to put a brave face on and see people

It wasn't only sex because there was a ot of chat. It was ego massaging and limerance. I am so impressed that you kicked him out even after he DARVO's you about looking at his phone - predictably. Trying to divert from his own behaviour. DO NOT let him make this about your relationships 'things haven't been///blah....we can work on blah' because that is BS and it may be tempting to believe but it is his way of making you jointly accountable for his shite and pathetic behaviour when you are not.
Well done for trusting your gut and not gaslighting yourself. xx Big hugs to you. You have made space for something far better in the future whether it is independently or with a genuinely decent person xx

I think this a bit unfair to weasels.

Fabswingers 🤢🤢🤢 just the name makes you want to vomit, let him crack on………..I’d probably just enjoy a life on your own now, save money, go on holidays, just have a good time……….

I put up with a lot of stuff from him over the years. Things I never told anyone about. I am not strong, it took me a long time to get here. He was always very very angry if ever we argued so I stopped arguing because it was easier. If I had an opinion he disagreed with he would just shut it down so I stopped voicing opinions. I am a shell of the person I was and I don’t think I fully realised that. Is it something about a boiling frog - is that the analogy? I’m only starting to realise it now

I'm sorry OP, in my experience it can take a few days to sink in. Look after yourself and do things that make you happy and bring you comfort.

I am so sorry he has treated you like this, but I am pleased that your gut led you to the full truth. He destroyed the relationship the moment he messaged other women.

I can't imagine the courage it takes to leave the somewhat security of a 10 year relationship, particularly with practical help with your parents, but you should be very proud that you didn't tolerate his cheating and disrespect.

Good god he wasn’t even careful!

What an idiot!

From OP's update he had already made her frightened to voice an opinion or argue with him so he probably thought he could get away with anything and she wouldn't dare challenge him. So he would feel no need to have to be careful.

You have been really strong and brave OP. It may not feel like it ATM but you have done the best thing for yourself going forward by getting rid of this cheating, odious man.

Yep, that's been the worst bit for me, everything you did together, and that best friend is suddenly gone, and you are on your lonesome.

The betrayal hurts like hell, and of course you still love them, although you can't move backwards and undo the hurt they caused.

I'm 12 weeks from her going, its starting to feel more normal, and the residual love turned to first hate for a short while, now changing to apathy.

Hang in there!

You sound amazingly strong btw OP 💐

Well done for trusting your gut and acting accordingly. I think the fact you’re financially independent makes it so much “easier”. Not emotionally of course, but so many women on here bury their head in the sand or make excuses giving men chance after chance as they can’t face sorting out the logistics - especially when there are children are involved. Divorcing and seeing solicitors, splitting assets etc is so complicated, even the act of throwing them out is impossible if you both own the house or are joint tenants.

I’m advising my dd’s to always be financially independent and have a career behind them.

@Imustbestupid wow worse than I thought. Dirty fucking bastard.

I'm so glad he's gone. Maybe get checked out though as this will have been going on a while ❤️

Actually I did think that as I was typing 🤣

Just a game? Well he lost the game big time didn't he, because now he's lost you! Stay strong OP; you deserve so much better and now he's gone you can carve out a better life without him xx

How long were you together? I take hope from your post that things will get easier. I know they will. This is the worst bit I guess. Well the worst bit is finding out the betrayal