He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Couldn’t agree more. Being able to support yourself is the most important lesson you can teach your dds. Never, ever be financially dependent on anyone else if possible. I can only imagine the hell it would be if I had to stay with the ‘weasel’ for financial reasons knowing what he is really like now.

Oh OP it sounds like you're well rid of a horrible, abusive, prick of a 'man'.

Take as much time to wallow or cry or scream and then straighten that crown and make a promise to yourself to NEVER put up with that kind of behaviour from a man, ever.

The fairytale should end... 'she threw the prince out of the castle she, alone, owned and lived happily ever after with support from her good female friends and her cat/dog/rabbit/remote control'.

Have got to say,
I so proud of you to find the strength to ge rid of him, you deserve much more better.
enjoy your single life OP

Only 2 and a half years, but I hoped it was forever, she was my first girlfriend and first kiss even at 42, late starter, gone off with a 72 year old (with cash money!!), was going on for a year!!

I don't think I'll ever be over it, but the daylight is starting to creep through, I noticed the birds singing for the first time yesterday and forgot about it for a whole hour at work in the week!!

Of course we had no kids together, and fortunately both have properties with similar value in our own names, so there won't be any mess to clear up.

It will take as long as it takes, and it won't be linear, there will be worse days. Don't think I'll bother again, my form tutor at school was jilted at the alter aged 30, never had a relationship again, just they himself into work, died aged 90 and had a church crammed with all of us who benefitted from his efforts, a fulfilling life without a partner, which looks appealing.

Yuk!

Well done you. Be grateful he hasn’t wasted another ten. You sound strong of mind. You’ll be ok.

Well done op. If you had to walk on eggshells round him anyway, this may be a blessing in disguise as you rediscover your “true” self and make your own decisions again.

I’m sorry OP, you deserve so much better.
From what you say in this post I’d hazard a guess that there have been others. He’s shut you down over other things so you wouldn’t think to look deeper into his personality. The fact that he treats sex with women as a game is really 🤮 — pawns for his pleasure.
Treat yourself well, get your hair or nails done, sounds frivolous and superficial I know but what really pisses these men off is seeing the women they’ve treated badly look great and confident. Speak from experience. If you ever have to see him in public look down on him, a slight sneer as if he’s a bad smell. Works wonders.

Oh I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all this besides his cheating.
op you are well rid.
that analogy about the boiling frog is correct. Slowly wearing away at you. Turning you into the complete opposite of yourself.

I think you’re an amazing lady and obviously stronger than you think you are.

take the time to get yourself together again and back to being the real you. At least you’ll be armed and ready if you do decide in time that you’re ready for another relationship but don’t rush.

Hold your head high if you bump into him you’ve had a lucky escape and he’ll still be living his skank of a life.
All of us on here are extremely proud of you and it’s time to be proud of yourself.
Well done to you. Now go and spoil yourself.
Sending great big hugs to you. 🫂

Well done for acting so quickly and throwing him out, onwards and upwards, dirty dog

Thank you for this. I’m currently crying while working at my kitchen table and this helped. I need to realise what a piece of filth he really is. He had me fooled for a long, long time

I'm so sorry to hear this OP, but I'm pleased you've got your own place and can just be rid. Given what you've described of your relationship and him minimising your opinions etc, I imagine you will feel the benefit of this move quickly.

New year, new beginning, you are better off without someone like that in your life, so glad it’s your house and you were in a position to kick him out, however bad you feel, think about how foolish he must be feeling now, he has lost a lot through his own behaviour….how stupid

Oh op this part sucks, it really does.

I see you wfh. Make sure you don’t become a total hermit won’t you?

So was mines. He would purposely leave it lying around, baiting me to check.
Even went so far as to "forget" it at home sometimes when he popped out.
Innocent? No of course not, he had a second bloody phone of course.
Which I later did find.

No words of wisdom here, I just wanted to say that i admire your strength, you did what you had to do and no-one can ask more of you.

When the worst is over, you can stand tall, because you are no-ones fool, you gave him the benefit of the doubt and he proved himself unworthy. He is an idiot and you are a very strong lady...no matter how you feel now.

Have a good cry, its OK to feel sorry for yourself, you have been emotionally abused by a taker. But OP, you can be proud you are a decent person, took no sh*t and stood up for yourself.

Your revenge is to be happy when you have got past the initial shock.

A game? That's even worse, he sees women as a game?
He sounds gross.
Also him being nicer.. oh yeah I bet he was in a great mood. these men see it as doing you a favour, they get their needs met elsewhere and they are in a better mood and better to live with etc. It's all so grim.
You are SO much better than this cretin!!

I’d just have to take issue with you on that one, Tinsel!😱 Seriously, having had nearly 60 wonderful years with my late husband, I’m glad there are other happily married couples out there. Nothing beats a happy marriage. I think too many couples give up too easily now. Things got bit awry and they’re off!

Your gut feeling is there for a reason, if you think he is cheating then the chances are high that you are correct. I am sorry this is happening to you.

Well done you marvellous woman!

Firstly @Imustbestupid you are NOT stupid - I take offence at the name you chose! Besides, you know, your gut told you, so you aren't stupid. Secondly just bloody hell, what a twat he is. I'm glad you've found out and now you have a chance to live for yourself.

Not sure if you are more of a grown up (maturity not years!) than me but if I saw him in the street I'd be shouting "FABSWINGERS" at the top of my voice at him. Knobend.

Here's to your happy ever after in whatever form it may come in.

Similar feeling to you. My husband always has his phone so there is no way I can check it. I wish I could somehow hack his phone. I've asked him and be denied it all.

Omg. I'm sorry.

Don't be surprised if that piece of abusive shit comes back declaring his love and threatening to self harm.
This is often how it plays out.

Talk to Women's aid and look at domestic abuse charities for counselling.

He was highly abusive and coercive.
He used his anger to control you.

This was a very bad man.

Thank god you got him out of your house so easily.
Have you his key?
If not leave your keys in the doors so he doesn't try to get back in.

Get the locks changed asap if necessary.
Any threats of self harm, ring 101 and hand it over to them.

Tell your larents the truth about his abuse, lest he tries to curry favour with them.

This is a very bad man.
Stay strong.
You can do this.

My parents know what has happened, albeit not the extent of the controlling etc. They are disgusted. They cannot reconcile this man with the man they - and I - thought he was. They always have my back. They have the best relationship - one I have sadly failed to find with any of my partners but this one was, by far, it turns out, the very worst.

@VeganStar
100% this, that was a lovely message you sent OP, we are all behind her, so proud of you OP too, I was a weak pathetic idiot begging him to stay, he didn’t of course and to this day I regret behaving like that. You are so strong, you will get through this and be happy again.