He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

I despair at all these men with good partners and families who throw it all away for a shag with some random from a hook up site. Years and years down the drain for what??? Fuck me.

Oh op how bloody disappointing. And grubby. The comment that he wouldn’t care if you did the same tells you everything you need to know.

take care of yourself op. You’ve done the right thing.

How did he react to being thrown out?

💐

@Imustbestupid
Change your user name to "I'maqueen" ❤️
I'm proud of you, well done 👏
Give yourself time to process your hurt, be kind to yourself.
You read so many threads on mn about cheating dps/dhs, women who are too scared to act because of finances or dcs but you have taken action and boom💥 slung his arse out.
You know your worth, well played.
❤️

Man here, just gone through it with the wife playing away - I had a few of these "feels a bit off" moments before I found out, I wished I had listened to my gut earlier.

In my sad experience, if something feels off, it probably is sadly

Stay strong, get ducks in row in case....

edit, just seen the update, well done, still stay strong...

@Imustbestupid Well done for throwing the trash out.
At least you have your own house and aren't married, and thank goodness you don't have any ties with this dud.

As to your question ''are there any faithful men out there?''....Vanishingly rare.

Those who are faithful are likely in long term marriages.

However..even long term marriages can break down due to affairs, and sometimes it's the woman who is the faithless one.

Good for you getting shot of him. He didn't deserve you. Onwards and upwards lovely.

You always know don’t you? Deep down. I knew the minute he left yesterday - to meet up with her - that something was off. He was just shifty and not his normal self. There’s a lot to be said for gut instinct. I had it the first time around too. I hope you are ok and sorry you went through this

Oh no! So sorry you’re in this position.

What an absolute idiot he is. A business meeting on a Sat. Gone 5 hours, says it’s because he went shopping but hasn’t got any shopping to show for it. Then unusually attentive on his return. Does he think you were born yesterday?

Your thread reveals two very important lessons for women:

1. Always listen to your instinct
2. Aim for financial independence, i.e. your own home.

OP would be in a v different position without the above.

Good luck @Imustbestupid. Getting over a long relationship in your 50s is a tough one.

I hope one day you find the sort of companion you deserve. There are good men out there, but there are also a lot of entitled, disrespectful, stupid ones too.

'Just a game'. What a soulless existence he will have by only connecting with women just for physical exertion and sexual gratification.

You say you won't trust another man again and that's understandable at this moment in time as you are feeling shredded by his behaviour and want to protect yourself from future hurt.

But you are not like him. You are a warm and receptive person who will be able to connect with another man in the future on an emotional level and have their mutual trust and respect as well as cherishing each other.

You’ve handled it great.

Well done, OP. You did what needs to be done and didn’t mess about. He can go stay with a swinger or whoever he likes. As you say, it’s not your problem.

And men like this will go on and put a spin on the story to say their relationship ended because their crazy ex went through their phone.

This is partly why I’m immediately suspicious of men with a history of “crazy exes”. They are often very vague as to what happened and it’s clear the problem is probably them.

Oh dear, he's a weasel

Also wanted to say if you decide to find another man great , but if you choose not to date again that’s perfectly ok as well OP.

The reality is good single men are hard to find in general but especially the older you get and it is possible to have a happy life as a single woman .

There are of course benefits to being in a healthy loving partnership, but not everyone wants to take the risk after so many times and that’s completely valid.

Countless amounts of women on here found peace from choosing to remain single.

He also lives really nearby so I am going to have to see him again which makes this really sh**. But I am actually feeling quite strong. Since I caught him out messaging the first woman months ago I have literally been waiting for this to happen. In a funny way, it’s almost a relief that it finally has

I’m sorry he did this. I bet he will be sorry he did this too in the furrier but right now he is in the middle of something, a kind of madness, so don’t waste your breath on him.

A game!

How did you know it was a whatsapp from a woman when his phone bleeped?

It sounds as if you're well rid.

am so sorry but you have done the right thing in throwing him out. You sound like a strong lady and he on the other hand is a complete twat. (Just a game, how thick does he think you are)

Getting there, eventually, having ignored the signs she went off with the other man - I ignored so many signs, I think we bury our heads in the sands and hope, but of course that delays the inevitable.

Get yourself TESTED for STIs OP

Because it flashed up on his phone and I was next to it. It said the woman’s name and the start of the message. And the WhatsApp symbol was at the start. He had put his phone down and was out of the room. When I read the messages today he was talking to her all last night while being with me.

Sorry to hear this OP.

You've handled it brilliantly.

They just can't help themselves can they? Please rest assured his behaviour is nothing to do with you or your relationship.

Wish I'd handled my ex this way.

Take care.

What a disrespectful idiot. Sounds like he didn’t care if you found out.