He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

So sorry OP. Did you wait until the morning or wake him up?

I hope you manage okay at work today. Look after yourself.

What a dick. Glad you are rid and don’t have to worry about housing.

"I’ve thrown him out."

I'm so proud of you, even though you're a complete stranger

What a filthy pig!! So sorry OP.

What’s your housing situation? Is the house in joint names?

I don’t think there’s any coming back from something like this. Do you have RL support?

Well done - you deserve so much better

Change the locks just in case - all the best

Well, you are far from stupid OP.
You acted so decisively and thoroughly that it must have knocked the wind right out of his baggy saggy sails. What a weasel he was!
Admirable judgement and reaction from you. A real good bit of early spring cleaning. Buy yourself a lovely bunch of flowers today.
Well done for your no-nonsense attitude.

It was over when he previously messaged a woman.

Once they start sniffing around elsewhere the feelings for you will never completely come back and if anything the resentment builds and they want to cheat not just to get the experience of being with another woman but also the satisfaction of getting one over on you.

Cheaters can be perfectly nice people in other ways, you mention him supporting you with family issues, but no good deeds or pleasant companionship can make up for slyness, deception, lying and cheating.

You did the right thing.

There will be a grieving process and you may even miss him as being with someone for ten years is filled with everyday habits that you will no longer have with him.

But rather than dwell on what might have been, look to the future and how you will no longer feel anxious or worried about what he is up to.

Hi Op please get an STD test. You've been so strong.

This. 100%

I will never trust another man again. I’ve just told my parents. They were so close to him. It’s just heartbreaking. Why do men treat sex so glibly? He said ‘it means nothing, it’s just a game’. I asked him how he would feel if I’d done what he did and he said he didn’t care. I don’t understand how we got to this awful place

Well done OP for throwing him out. Just a game? What a pathetic explanation for cheating on your partner. Well he can run along and play his game. Stay strong, a bunch of strangers are really proud of you.

Some people in consensual open relationships can treat sex or meeting up for kink as "just a game" but that's only after a LOT of conversation and hearts to hearts TOGETHER. He's not allowed to move your goalposts for what your relationship is and then blame you! Well done on confronting him. I'm sorry this has happened.

Get the locks changed asap. Sorry for what you are going through op.

Sending hugs OP. So sorry to hear this 🤗. Glad it didn’t drag on though. Good that you got your proof and can move on but still very heartbreaking for you.

Yes, there are, absolutely there are, but they get rejected for being 'too sensitive', 'earning not enough', 'too thin or too fat', 'too tall or too short', 'too churchy', 'is too close to his parents' or some other idiotic reason. You have to get out there and meet people!!!!!!

So sorry OP. That’s a pathetic excuse for cheating. I bet he’d be livid if you did the same to him, don’t believe what he says. Well done for throwing him out. There are better men I promise. Do some self healing first though. There will be a lot of thoughts flying round in your head at the moment but keep looking forward not back, you deserve better. Make some nice plans with friends or book a holiday to look forward to. Youre going to grieve for a bit but things will get better.

Literally just dawned on me that sometimes 'partner' is better than 'husband', I always go on about marrying. You are right in this instance.

I'm so sorry @Imustbestupid
He is unbelievable. To do it initially obviously, but also to behave so outrageously once you discovered it. I'm so glad you've had the strength to show him the door.

God bless you, you remind me of my dh - naive to the point of incapacity!

Bravo

I’m so sorry OP. What a total bastard.

I'm so sorry. What a nasty nasty creep. It's one thing when they meet someone and think they've 'fallen' for OW so justify it that way but quite another level of selfish and entitled when they actively go looking for a cheap encounter. It's so cold and devoid of empathy.

So glad to see you kicked him out straight away. Just sending you the best for moving forward.

There's an app you can download on his phone ( can't remember what) that will show u any deleted msg. I really feel for you but you're right to trust your instincts

Thanks everyone for your messages. I do have support IRL but it helps to message here because I don’t want to tell people all the details. I own my own home, he has nothing to do with it. He has his own flat but it’s uninhabitable - although not now! - because it’s being done up. His problem, not mine any more

If there's ever been a clean cut decision to leave this is it.

You gave him the benefit of the doubt last time.

Living with this doubt in your life is stressful and detrimental to your mental health.

Your gut instinct was 100% right and as was your decision to kick him out,

Be kind to yourself the next few days. Get some good snacks, enjoy a good movie, keep busy - a good clear out can be therapeutic, maybe get yourself a project.

And begin to visualise how good your life can look without this horrible man in it.