Page 23 | He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 16/02/2025 08:30

He didn’t give a care about you when he was doing what he was doing. He absolutely broke your heart and was very cold towards you.
Now, in the cold light of day, he’s missing the home comforts you so kindly provided.
He has a home and a job he’s not on the streets. It is up to him to make it work. If he has a gym membership he can go there for a shower until he has one at home.
Here’s the thing - he didn’t think this through. He had you at home, cooking your lovely dinners and providing love, but it wasn’t enough. He needed a bit of excitement, at nearly 60, what a cliche.
If you hadn’t caught him, he would have continued.
Please don’t let him back. The card and flowers mean nothing. They are cruel. He’s not your love or your person.
And if he’s that fed up let some other woman let him in.

daisychain01 · 16/02/2025 08:32

He's probably lying about "only having a shower once a week at the gym", just to court sympathy. How pathetic. Why does he think you'd even care, he's delusional!

Original poster

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 08:34

3luckystars · 16/02/2025 05:32

You are not his mammy.
Tough on him.
He will have to learn new skills and learn to appreciate people, and not lie to them.

This made me smile. His ‘mammy’ was Irish. She was a lovely person. I am absolutely done with him, don’t worry!

OP posts:

FrenchandSaunders · 16/02/2025 08:37

Nearly 60 and still so driven by his dick that he treats people he’s supposed to love like this … tragic. He’s done you a favour OP, you can now see the true him.

AtticusCatticus · 16/02/2025 08:39

And if you want to remind yourself of he is such a waste of space, just ask yourself if you think he will be turning up to swingers hookups looking like that. Not bloody likely. He won’t be going there looking dirty, unwashed and unkempt. Oh no. So he can wash to get sex, but thinks you aren’t worth that.

You deserve SO much better than that. You know this. And so does your cat.

Gangans · 16/02/2025 08:41

So at least you know just how pathetic and how little self respect he has for himself.

You also know that you would be taking him back to be his skivvy carer.

He's a horrible nasty man and you are well rid.

This has been a blessing.
Stay strong.
You deserve so much better than him.

Lilactimes · 16/02/2025 08:44

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 01:04

So I saw him today. He is living like a tramp in his flat because it is uninhabitable. He told me he showers once a week at his gym. He actually left me roses and a card on Valentine’s Day, WTF. He looks awful. Unshaven, hair a mess, he admitted he hadn’t washed any clothes in the month since we split. I really don’t know how to feel. I pity him but this was his doing. I have to keep telling myself I am not responsible for him or where he is now. He is nearly 60 and l feel sorry for the shit show his life is now. And I’m angry that I got immersed in it for so long.

Hello @Imustbestupid - glad to see this thread again as I have been thinking of you.
You have been so strong! It’s not surprising you may have had up and down times as it’s such a big change. Plus it’s a gloomy time of year. When I was divorcing I found it really helped to schedule meet ups/ activities even going to cinema late sat pm or a class Sunday morning just to bridge these more lonely times. ((Now they’re my favourite time for me ))
In terms of how your ex partner is living, try not to take this on as a guilt or worry. It really is not your responsibility!!
IF - one day you both get back together - I hope it’s not because he needs you to look after him because he can’t be tidy or wash! or because he sends one bunch of flowers and a card.
i hope you can continue to concentrate on looking after yourself. The state he is living in is indicative of how lazy he is and how much he was probably depending on you for physical labour!! Maybe he will also improve himself and if he wants you back genuinely. as a partner, I hope he will properly show you what you mean to him and how he’s an improved, better capable person who genuinely and truly appreciates you. Current state of affairs you deserve so much better - please don’t be sucked in by him or feel sorry and undo all the good you have done for you.
sending you hugs xx

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 16/02/2025 08:45

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 08:34

This made me smile. His ‘mammy’ was Irish. She was a lovely person. I am absolutely done with him, don’t worry!

Show quote history

To be honest, your updates are what we all love on MN.

If he hasn't learned how to wash himself or go launderette by the time he's 60, he never will.

Original poster

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 08:46

Gosh thanks everyone for all the messages. You’re a lovely bunch. I feel like I’ve woken up to a load of supportive messages from friends. Yes, I actually slept for about 6 hours! He is clearly in victim mode, poor me, I’m so sorry etc etc. Not buying it. I actually felt quite repulsed by him. I mean he’s 58, for god’s sake, he needs to man up and sort himself out. Not my problem. Big orange cat update - his infection has cleared and he seems ok. Currently snoring away in bed. This is a habit he’s developed since his ‘father’ has gone (getting into bed) and I find it comforting. 🍊

OP posts:

moomoo1967 · 16/02/2025 08:55

Imustbestupid · 11/01/2025 23:00

Still waiting for ‘us’ to go to sleep. I really don’t want to end up a bitter disillusioned old woman (am 51) but every relationship (bar one) I’ve been in has ended up with him cheating. With this one, we were even trying for children from 8 years ago. I really despair of finding a good guy. Are there any out there?

Unfortunately no good men around BUT that is certainly no reason to stay in a relationship where you don't trust him. I've been single about 18 months and am at peace with that

User788889 · 16/02/2025 09:07

Imustbestupid · 11/01/2025 20:46

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Of course he does. Your gut is telling you something for a reason. Keep us updated. You deserve better anyways OP but also sending you a virtual hand to hold. You’ll be okay!

TipsyMaker · 16/02/2025 09:09

Glad to hear you are OK @Imustbestupid and big orange cat too 💗 he's realised how much he's lost when he lost you but I'm glad you haven't taken him back out of pity, he didn't have any thoughts for you when he joined that site or messaging her. In regard to the sleeping, you could speak to the GP if you are really struggling? Melatonin can be helpful to get you to drop off to sleep. You really are admirable and I wish you the best for the future 💐

LoveWine123 · 16/02/2025 09:14

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 01:04

So I saw him today. He is living like a tramp in his flat because it is uninhabitable. He told me he showers once a week at his gym. He actually left me roses and a card on Valentine’s Day, WTF. He looks awful. Unshaven, hair a mess, he admitted he hadn’t washed any clothes in the month since we split. I really don’t know how to feel. I pity him but this was his doing. I have to keep telling myself I am not responsible for him or where he is now. He is nearly 60 and l feel sorry for the shit show his life is now. And I’m angry that I got immersed in it for so long.

He sounds absolutely pathetic. A grown man approaching 60 not able to look after himself and stay CLEAN. Not sure if there is anything more unattractive than this. Good riddance.

MustyDooDah · 16/02/2025 09:14

Love BOC. I’ve got a LBC (Little Black Cat) who has helped me on some tough lonely nights. But mostly by swatting me in the face when I want to lie in self pity.

Re your sleep. Would you consider medication? After months of what I put down as a natural reaction to a stressful and emotional period, I realised it wasn’t that “normal” and it wasn’t helping me (I was getting very low, unable to stop thinking about things when I didn’t want to). I eventually went to my GP who, to my relief, didn’t ask me if I’d considered yoga, or meditation, or cutting out caffeine. She offered me sertraline and something to help me sleep (forgotten the name). I accepted the sertaline and it’s been a game changer. X

theDudesmummy · 16/02/2025 09:16

Regarding the sleep: when I, many years ago, went through a horrible relationship situation and was alone and couldn't sleep I used to listen to Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy ( the BBC radio series) every night, which helped. Such a soothing voice.

Phenergan is also a good call.

Jollyhockeystickss · 16/02/2025 09:23

Vile man, hope his willy shrivels up and falls off, I love big ginger cats

Whenim63 · 16/02/2025 09:27

So, he has discovered that the grass is not in fact greener? Poor lamb.
I will never understand the mentality of people like this. He REALLY thought he could be in a relationship with you, but just shag other randomers whenever he felt like it? Would he have accepted that from you? Of course not!
He has made his bed and now he has to lay in it. Unlucky. Dishonesty and disloyalty have consequences.
You and Big Orange Cat will thrive op without this man child dragging you down xx

JaneAustensHeroine · 16/02/2025 09:29

OP, you are incredible. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through in recent weeks (have been there myself). I’m so pleased you have your own home and salary and can make a life for yourself going forwards. You have so much going for you (including your big orange cat) so please look after yourself, be kind to yourself and, as the weather improves, get outside and walk…join a walking group if it helps and get out there! The exercise and fresh air will bring you peace and help you sleep.

Wishing you well…💐 for you and a big hug!

Cesarina · 16/02/2025 09:35

Jollyhockeystickss · 16/02/2025 09:23

Vile man, hope his willy shrivels up and falls off, I love big ginger cats

LOVE THIS!!! 🤣🤣🤣

fourelementary · 16/02/2025 09:36

@Imustbestupid I have just read through your entire thread and wanted to message to say how proud you should be of yourself. You’ve been amazing and inspiring to others on how to be strong and resilient and have boundaries. Your cat sounds like a lovely puss too- and I have every belief that you have a happy future without that feckless twat in it.
Hope you have a happy Sunday- anything nice planned? 🌹

LivelyMintViper · 16/02/2025 09:37

Jollyhockeystickss · 16/02/2025 09:23

Vile man, hope his willy shrivels up and falls off, I love big ginger cats

Absolutely says it all!

LoveWine123 · 16/02/2025 09:37

Jollyhockeystickss · 16/02/2025 09:23

Vile man, hope his willy shrivels up and falls off, I love big ginger cats

It’s very likely to happen with the lack of washing! Who would want that willy now?!

Original poster

Imustbestupid · 16/02/2025 09:39

fourelementary · 16/02/2025 09:36

@Imustbestupid I have just read through your entire thread and wanted to message to say how proud you should be of yourself. You’ve been amazing and inspiring to others on how to be strong and resilient and have boundaries. Your cat sounds like a lovely puss too- and I have every belief that you have a happy future without that feckless twat in it.
Hope you have a happy Sunday- anything nice planned? 🌹

Thank you. Going to see the new Bridget jones with a friend. Looking forward to it!

OP posts:

FootstepAway · 16/02/2025 09:42

User788889 · 16/02/2025 09:07

Of course he does. Your gut is telling you something for a reason. Keep us updated. You deserve better anyways OP but also sending you a virtual hand to hold. You’ll be okay!

Show quote history

Do you know how to click 'see next' or 'see all' on OP's posts? She has kept us updated
You don't need to quote the whole of the OP either, especially when she's updated so much more.

LushLemonTart · 16/02/2025 09:42

Have a lovely day. Let trampy rot in his own pit.