Well we had our talk. He has also been looking at properties!! Has a viewing appointment booked tomorrow. We both know what needs to be done.
I explained how I am shrinking in this house, how the shared spaces are becoming out of bounds and how me and DC are finding ourselves shut away in hiding to get away from them (not his DD, mainly him and his son). The noise and the smells and the mess and the lack of consideration. The extended periods his son has been here recently have really been affecting my mental health. He said he hadn’t actually realised just how awful it was making me feel, though he could see I was unhappy, and he would try and be more considerate while we stay in the house for our notice period.
He also said he knows I’m not a horrible person but he is upset at how mean I’ve been to his son. I probably haven’t been my most tolerant. I’m not actually horrible per se (at least I don’t think so but the autistic duo of dad and son who do like to feel like victims wherever possible would probably say otherwise), but I am short with him. I do knock on the bathroom and say “you’ve been in there for ages and other people need to get in there please!”. I do grumble about him. So I am sure I make him feel uncomfortable as well. It’s not his fault. But it’s not mine either.
He acknowledged we won’t ever buy a family home together. I said I will need the money I’ve lent him back at some point then as it had been lent when I thought all our money would be going on a house deposit and now that’s all I’ve got left. He sort of sidestepped it a bit and said we will work something out. I probably do need to push on that a bit. But not today.
He said let’s reevaluate our relationship once I am out of here and happier. I am OK with this as this is sort of where I’d come to in my head too. Without the stress of blended families we might actually stand a chance. If I felt independent and in my own space I think I would enjoy his company much more. He isn’t a bad person. We are both flawed. I am certainly not a walk in the park. But I read back my notes from 3 years ago and I was a different person! I sound so much younger!!! I think as mature adults who understand each other pretty damn well now, we might just get the best out of each other. I am hopeful. The sun is shining. I have all fingers crossed they will accept my offer on this house! DP said he will help me move. Things feel a bit better. And if I think the relationship has actually run its course, then it will be easy to call time on it once we live apart. And we will go back to being friends. One thing at a time.