No longer blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

This is a second thread - first one was ‘blindsided by H’

A couple of weeks has passed since that thread ended and suffice to say the shit show is a gift that keeps on giving.

An attempt was made at face to face discussions about ‘us’ and there were tentative noises from H although his concern for how OW would take his leaving her seemed to occupy his mind rather more than it should.

A period of time to reflect and H has decided he is required to look after his mental health - it’s somewhat bizarre that the perpetrator decides that he is the victim and must be protected at all costs. So I readily agreed to some non contact ( more for myself than him) it took less than 2 weeks for the next contact to be made.
Once again the me, me, me dialogue was started. There was also a completely useless email but hey, we have to show we are ‘reasonable’ even if all other behaviours are that of a small child.

Plenty of things afoot for me - busy calendar ahead.
What has been pleasing is the righteous anger of other woman in my age range who are now seeing this pattern play out in so many long term relationships. This is now taking the form of politely confronting OW and asking WTAF was she thinking??
Reputations are being bruised shall we say - and frankly they have both had a very polite and easy run of it up until now.
There is a lot of evidence that the relationship is strained but that was always predicted and very sad considering this little diversion has cost us a relationship of almost 40 years.

So no reconciliation, not even a whiff of ‘I am sorry’ and certainly no adult / reasonable discussions.

Looking forward to hearing from
@Goldcushions2
@MillyCentTap
@shamedbysiri
@Diarygirlqueen
@Acrossthepond55
@Fannyfiggs

I have noticed an awful lot of tarot card reading reels on FB - apparently he’s coming in with a communication and a desire to reconnect ( according to the spirits) Time will tell! Who says FB is not listening to us??

Stay strong @Gingerloaf xxx

He must sit in wonder at your reaction Ginger to what he's done. He must have expected tears, begging, the pick me dance, the fighting and wailing over him. He got none of that and he's now stuck in a weird situation that he never thought he'd be in. But to save face he must show the world that this is what he wanted all along. He's deliriously happy, honest guv...

In fact, Talking Heads said it perfectly...

And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"
And you may ask yourself, well how did I get here?
And you may say to yourself, "My god, what have I done?"

In fact, he must be spitting feathers! Pun 100% intended 🤣

You absolutely can pick your family. Mine’s been dysfunctional for generations, and I could write a funny book on their shenanigans, but I have been selective and ‘lost’ a few blood relatives by choice. Keep others at a distance. Toxic is not confined to in laws and in many cases the in laws are better family than blood

I’m glad you have managed to keep your dignity and awesomeness through all of this, Gingerloaf. As I’ve said before, a total inspiration, and I wish I’d had your strength of character. I have followed with interest and wish you good luck and best wishes going forward. Have a Merry Christmas with your DC and friends and a Happy, Healthy 2025…and maybe a Marco, too 😎

I am well aware he cannot do this - in the past he played a good game of not understanding and I would further expand the explanation
This I realise is the ploy of a narcissist- he often played the ‘ I dont remember game’
I also know he is wary of the legal fees and has stopped saying ‘ I am waiting for a response from my solicitor on this and other matters’ all designed to worry me because nothing came of it of course

my solicitor was very clear - H has plenty of opportunities where personal items were given to him ( and no he didn’t thank for these) - he can make a list and I will
leave them in a safe place for collection
This time I won’t explain this - he can ask his solicitor who will tell him the same and charge him for the pleasure. However there is very little left that belongs to him - and frankly I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. Hes not the man I thought I knew.

Thank you for your good wishes - I am sure others go through similar shite when someone decides to destroy them to make the wife look crazy and themselves the poor unfortunate chap who just had to shag someone else and has done nothing wrong.

I'm now wondering if you have a chaise longue that he mentioned to princess Birdie that she now wants @Gingerloaf!

Well done on being strong and if this thread fills up before your Christmas with adult DCs I hope it's filled with joy dancing around and all manor of silliness for you to have fun and make amazing new memories about with them 😀

@Fannyfiggs - awesome tune

And yes I think he is trying to style it out - he cannot loose face, hence his behaviour
He is - in the words of my lovely friends - an utter twat who hasn’t the wit to realise just what he is about to loose ( his lovely DC)
I may be poorer after this but I sure as hell won’t be spending the next 30, 40 years of my life with a complete arse.

@DearDenimEagle - you are very kind. Trust me I have needed my friends IRL to keep telling me to take the moral
high ground - they have regularly talked me out of some form of revenge that, in the moment, would have given me satisfaction
I do admire those ladies who set fire to clothes and distribute the whole wine cellar. I do hope karma does eventually come

I hope karma strikes whilst you are still writing your book because I so want to hear about how it knocked him on his arse!!

With some guys, burning the clothes and distributing the wine cellar is appropriate. With someone high on the Narcissistic Spectrum, it just lets them ‘prove’ you are crazy and they are the poor victim. So yes, I totally understand the desire and applaud the restraint. Cheers 🥂

@Scottishskifun - it’s not a chaise longue but I think I know what some of it is
Last year I bought him some very special baubles - I mean expensive and quite unique and linked to music icons.
He was delighted and made much of these - I think the baubles at his current abode won’t be as edgy or impressive and he’s on the look for these ( and anything else he takes a fancy to)
it’s ironic after he said he didn’t want his stuff as her house was too small for it all - perhaps staring the inevitable in the face he’s desperate to show how youthful he really is, if only to himself
The aforementioned baubles are going on tour with me - they will be well travelled!! I truly wish I could post a picture of them as they travel far and wide with me and the DC over Xmas ( small pleasures)

You see the character of a person when you say No to them.

He thinks he is cleverer than you, because during your marriage you loved him, and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

That's gone now, and suddenly he is realising that Ginger is really fxxking comfortable with the words, NO, Nope, Nadda, not going happen, Never....

He simply cannot cope with the indifference of your No.
The finality of your No.
The fact that you see through his bullshit with your No.

He cannot cope with what your No represents, after only a matter of weeks.

He cannot believe that every No you say to him is a reminder that he and only he has majorly fxxked himself over.

Every day you move a little further away from him, as you carve out a new path for yourself.

Every single No reminds him of this fact.
"The less you engage, the more you enrage...💪😂"

The baubles are making me think of a set of The Beatles baubles that I saw on a Christmas decor page the other day.

I know that it doesn't fit with the Driving Miss Daisy theme, but I kept thinking of the bauble deprived reprobate as The Widow Budgie. Now I can't stop thinking of her as The Widow Twanky, for some reason.

And now I have a mental image of her as this:

Apologies to Sir Ian. (It's not showing up for some reason. 'Twas a pretty pic of Sir Ian as Twanky.)

Marco !!! of course - not Renaldo. Thank you @Gingerloaf

In the spirit of reconciliation and all that, perhaps you could gift them these......
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/316031088046?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=ph7ewit3rh6&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=4ol4z40SRbu&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=EMAIL

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/116013577542?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=VZGw5rzfTaS&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=4ol4z40SRbu&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=EMAIL
His 'n' hers. They will look at them and wonder what you are on.

@Kittensat36 - that has seriously tested my pelvic floor!
Bloody tempting to send them these

@WearyAuldWumman - you are on the right track re the baubles

@Littys - you are so right- he cannot cope with the boundaries ( and I recognise that,for a quiet life, I let things go especially in the last few months when he seemed ‘not himself’ because he was shagging her ) his anger is palpable, be it because I outwit him or because he wakes up on a different world with no contact with DC - we will never know
I won’t be emailing him till later in the week - and it astonishes me that he regularly manages to spoil things just when I am about to see my DC or travel. It’s uncanny and makes me slightly paranoid

I admire your courage and determination over the last nearly six months. I see a really strong wonderful woman who has stood her ground and behaved with dignity. I am so so sorry that he did that to you. You did not deserve it. But you have found a part of you that is like a super heroine in your own life.

As I think you've said on these threads. The best revenge is to live well and you are certainly doing that.

You are amazing. I wish you the very best.

Is he aware of when you are seeing them somehow? It's one of the things of a narcissist - many are good at managing to spoil lovely moments, if they are aware of them.

He might be reading this thread.

He is angry that he doesn’t measure up to you, your strong and he can see you don’t need him which emasculates him so he feels he has to bring you down a peg or two. He is also angry that he is the bad guy in all this and all his flaws are laid bare for everyone to see. His ego is hurt x

These are the baubles my friend is giving her cheating partner on Christmas Day in front of his very judgy mother - along with the evidence, and a “gtfo of my house” letter from her solicitor.

*TW This gift comes with a note advising him to “Grow a pair” so please know what to expect and don’t open if you are easily offended. (This man is awful)

Bloody fantastic! Hope a budding screenwriter is reading this ...

it astonishes me that he regularly manages to spoil things just when I am about to see my DC or travel. It’s uncanny and makes me slightly paranoid

I agree with @DucklingSwimmingInstructress , very narcissistic behaviour, they can't stand things not being about themselves and want you to remember them for the wrong reasons.

Are you absolutely sure he has no access to your or your children's communication methods @Gingerloaf ? Or bugs in the house? I know that might sound dramatic but we have all learned never to underestimate these fuckers.

I recently found a small '40' -shaped piece of confetti in my wardrobe. I am now 62. 😂

😂

Aye. It gets everywhere!