Page 34 | Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

muggletops · 31/07/2024 09:53

Blimey, he thinks a lot of himself that you will run after him and plead not to leave you. Good for you, for sticking to your decision and not letting him blackmail you. Nothing surprises me though these days, my friends saying is.. there's no man more in love than a homeless one.

Rightsraptor · 31/07/2024 09:54

Thank you for coming back and updating, OP, I was a bit worried about you.

He showed his true colours very early, which you should be glad about because if he'd gone slowly he'd have messed up your sense of judgement so much you wouldn't have been able to see it. Frogs in boiling water.

Take time and look after yourself. And please 🙏: do not allow him back in your life.

Onestepbeyonnd · 31/07/2024 09:55

So pleased you stuck to your boundaries, so many red flags here! What a massive overstep, who does that.

youve really dodged a bullet, can I ask how long you were together, was it years or months? …not that it changes anything.
Im just curious really?

you may start doubting yourself next but this is what he’s relying on, emotional blackmail at its finest (how dare he). Never let anyone treat you so badly, you be thankful the rubbish took itself out this time. You’ve done nothing wrong, his texts will come, he’ll give you a few days to miss him and beg him to come back …. It’s all tactics.
stay strong, you are 100%in the right, don’t doubt your decision, you caught a cocklodger right at the start.

welldone.

GoldenLegend · 31/07/2024 09:56

Congratulations on being rid. You can do better.

Whistleblowing · 31/07/2024 09:58

girlgamer it’s already been said but I just wanted to add my bit on how well you did to not be blackmailed. You deserved better and you were strong. All credit to you! Way to go girlgamer ! Now steps forward and not back.

NewGreenDuck · 31/07/2024 10:03

I know you feel sad now, but in the future I think you will see him for what he is. And that is a bully. If you had carried on letting him stay then it would have all been his way. You would be a shadow, unable to act independently. I hope you have someone in real life to lean on at present, so they can support you until you feel stronger. But well done. Hugs.

JustMeSammy · 31/07/2024 10:05

He'll be back OP. If my 40 years of life experience/observation of men has anything to go by. Stick to your boundaries.

useitorlose · 31/07/2024 10:05

You swerved a bullet there.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 31/07/2024 10:11

I’m just echoing what everyone else has said really, but this should be your proof of his real feelings. He loves you so much he can’t bear to live apart from you for a minute longer. But he doesn’t love you enough to carry on dating you if you’re not putting a roof over his head? It doesn’t make sense, does it?

I’m pretty sure that you have not heard the last of him. You’ve called his bluff so he’s gone away to rethink his strategy and assess his options. There is nothing positive for you in a relationship with this man. He is not a good man. Please don’t let him back in.

SquirrelSoShiny · 31/07/2024 10:12

JustMeSammy · 31/07/2024 10:05

He'll be back OP. If my 40 years of life experience/observation of men has anything to go by. Stick to your boundaries.

I agree. Tread carefully OP. He went too fast but he'll regroup and be smarter next time. You're missing him because you're a normal person but he will see the next stage as his chess match. You're just a pawn. That is a difficult and painful thing to accept but it will help you not get lovebombed into joyfully throwing open the door to him. You will NOT get him out as easily next time.

Sunshineafterthehail · 31/07/2024 10:16

The lack of contact today is just him rehashing his next move. Beware the love bombing. ..

LBFseBrom · 31/07/2024 10:16

Girlgamer · 31/07/2024 06:50

He’s gone guys. The relationship has ended. He said he either moves in or we break up. I said I’m not ready for him to move in but I don’t want to break up. So he packed his bags and left, and said it’s done.

You will move on, Girlgamer, he was extremely high handed to try and move in without asking or discussing. It is a huge decision to live together, especially for someone with children.

It's hard now, you'll miss him, but it will pass.

Good luck to you, you've made the right decision.

Onemoreterm · 31/07/2024 10:20

Lucky escape @Girlgamer

IVbumble · 31/07/2024 10:28

His tactics reek of coercive control. It might be wise to do this online course for the future.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

godmum56 · 31/07/2024 10:32

Girlgamer · 31/07/2024 06:50

He’s gone guys. The relationship has ended. He said he either moves in or we break up. I said I’m not ready for him to move in but I don’t want to break up. So he packed his bags and left, and said it’s done.

you dodged a bullet there

Flibflobflibflob · 31/07/2024 10:34

Definitely dodged a bullet, you can’t just bully your way into someones home. What a twat, anyhoo back to his mum and dads cor him.

CardiffNameChange · 31/07/2024 10:35

100% the right thing. He wanted you to bend over and say yes move in. He would then have ramped up the control and demands. He will be surprised his demands were not met. There’s a reason he’s still with his parents.
You’ll meet someone who you’ll have a lovely discussion about moving in and plan it and it will be great.

TerfTalking · 31/07/2024 10:37

You're being punished, I agree he will be back and next time you won't get rid of him so easily. He had his eye on the prize and he's annoyed that you didn't willingly hand it over so he's getting you all sad and upset so that when he comes back and is nice for a bit you'll roll over.

Move on. Immediately.

TruthorDie · 31/07/2024 10:38

This is hilarious. This must be one of the CF stories so far this year? How long have you been together? Had you ever actually discussed moving in at some point? How about asking his parents to collect his stuff?

OverheardInLidl · 31/07/2024 10:40

Well done @Girlgamer. He was clearly trying to control and manipulate you, and as others here have said, this is coercive control which IS a form of domestic abuse. It's not always just physical violence. And it would have only gone from bad to worse once the initial "lovebombing" stage was over.
Whatever you do, do NOT let him come back. Do not let him guilt trip you, saying how much you "hurt" him and so on. In fact, don't engage with him at all, just block him on everything.
This guy doesn't want you, he just wants your house. You deserve better than that.

ShennyInfinity · 31/07/2024 10:40

Girlgamer · 29/07/2024 14:43

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Are you watching Emmerdale? They're doing a really good job of Narcissism in it's greatest form! Although Belle can see it, just as you can, she's not yet strong enough to escape, don't get yourself into a situation that will take years to get out of, you were strong enough to kick him out and you need to be strong enough to close your front door on him for good. This feed has shown you we all agree and we also all agree that you need to kick him into touch for your future sake. You've had amazing advice on here, please listen to us and stay safe.

Compash · 31/07/2024 10:41

So proud of you for being strong and sticking to your guns! 💪

Really that is a great step forward in valuing and respecting yourself! Of course you feel bad now - his actions have basically confirmed that it's not you he wanted, it's your house, so that must be a nasty realisation. It's going to hurt, so be extra-kind to yourself for a little while. Do get the locks changed - you don't know who he might have given the keys to (I bet he didn't offer them back, right?)

And take a little time to get to know yourself now, to bolster your confidence and your self-worth. Because there is a lovely, loving and respectful man out there for you, and this tosser was just getting in the way of all your good things and stealing your sunshine.

Again, proud of you. You played it well. Thanks for coming back to update - we all care about you! 🤗

Lindy2 · 31/07/2024 10:43

I think it's for the best. What an entitled idiot he turned out to be.

You don't turn up at someone else's house unannounced even for a visit let alone to move in.

Could you imagine having to put up with that level of self centredness on a long term basis.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 31/07/2024 10:48

Honestly, good riddance. You don't need this in your life.

StickItInTheFamilyAlbum · 31/07/2024 10:53

Girlgamer · 31/07/2024 06:50

He’s gone guys. The relationship has ended. He said he either moves in or we break up. I said I’m not ready for him to move in but I don’t want to break up. So he packed his bags and left, and said it’s done.

There's a reasonable chance that there will be some manipulation from him.

OP, you know you're in the right and he is not somebody who has your best interests at heart.