Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

If he's not back yet, get a new lock fitted. Don't wait for him to show up.

If you read the op's post from yesterday at 18:00, or better see all their posts and updates by clicking on "See all" to the bottom right of the thread title, then she says her hopefully ex partner is 29.

Kicked out by mummy and daddy and probably gone drinking with a mate to give you time to get proper worked up and panicking about the relationship being over and giving in. Classic manipulation. Nice.

Thanks I found it. I knew there was some button somewhere that would show me all the OP's comments but I had trouble finding it.

At 29 he's about to "hit the wall" all the incels warn women about! I thought the value of men goes up all the time???

He is clearly not looking for the same as you... Time to say bye-bye.

Tell him to leave. I’d also end this relationship . This man has no concept of boundaries and no respect for you.

Why is he living at his parents??

This!

What absolute cock.

1. What evidence do you have that it's made up?
2. It very much sounds like the OP is taking good advice from people here, and learning. People can learn, you know.

People ARE advising her to stand up for herself. And she is listening. But most people don't feel the need to be insulting about it. It can be counter productive taking the attitude you take.

Or just say that before you would live with anyone you would want to see a solicitor and negotiate a legally binding cohabitation agreement. Frankly I don’t know why more people don’t do this before moving in with someone - I wish I had! But honestly as he doesn’t understand why his behaviour is completely unacceptable then my instinct is to say bin him 🗑️

That is quite a concern in his behaviour. A massive step that needs time, careful consideration and discussion and he has bypassed all of that and moved in with just telling you.

like someone else said advise we haven’t jointly made that step yet and ask him to leave. Depending on the rest of the relationship you can choose to dump him or not, but concerning behaviour that could indicate a red flag moment. Good luck and don’t take any bull about him being shocked etc.

Do not get pulled into an argument about splitting up.Because it won't be an argument about splitting up, it'll be an argument about moving in.

If he's saying, "Well, if you're not willing to have me move in, I think we should end this," you say, "I know. Thank God we agree about that."

He’s gone guys. The relationship has ended. He said he either moves in or we break up. I said I’m not ready for him to move in but I don’t want to break up. So he packed his bags and left, and said it’s done.

I know you probably feel crap now but you have done the right thing. He sounded very controlling. He obviously didn’t care that much for you and was just looking for a place to stay. Stay strong.

Sounds as though, in the long term, this is for the best. Am going to guess though that you are in shock and feeling hurt right now, though. Please don’t take it personally that this awful man tried to take advantage of your good nature or the fact that you have been sensible and successful enough to have your own place - you are a strong and independent woman. There will be a lovely guy out there who will admire and love you for that, and now you are free to meet him.

Please reach out to some mates IRL for some support this week.

Sending you an unMumNetty hug.

This won’t feel like it now, but he has done you a favour by showing you his true colours and his determination to trample all over your boundaries. If he was willing to end the relationship over not getting his own way on what should be a major joint decision then it’s not a relationship worth having. He will probably come crawling back when he’s had a chance to cool off or he will be expecting you to crawl back to him and let him move in. You have done extremely well to not let him bulldoze you into something you did not want. Congratulations- onwards and upwards.

Wow. That’s quite sinister. How controlling. I’m sorry you are going through this OP and I know you will now have to go through the horrible grieving process, but i genuinely believe you have done the right thing. If he thinks this is ok, to blackmail you over moving in, to coerce you into cohabiting, who knows what a future with him could entail.

Wow what a twat. You're so well rid of him.

Good on you for protecting your space and your property. Be glad he showed you his true colours this early on and be relieved he left without a fight!

People ARE advising her tostand up for herself. And she is listening. But most people don't feel the need to be insulting about it. It can be counter productive taking the attitude you take
Call that an insult? 😂

I'm concerned that although he has gone, you still 'did not want to break up'.

He's unilaterally decided to move into your house, blackmailed you in order to stay there, disappeared when you objected, and now that he has found somewhere to live, has ditched you.

Why do you want to keep him in your life?
He will be back when he thinks he has taught you a lesson

This.

So glad he’s gone OP.

Like PP, I also worry why you still wanted to carry on the relationship though. Surely trying to force you to live with him then punishing you for not wanting to has set off massive alarm bells? I am so creeped out for you.

I feel like you are lucky he was so outrageous because if he’d been slightly more intelligent about it he could have walked all over you.

Please block and delete his number because I feel like he’ll be back to try again. And I promise you this is not a nice man at all.

You’ve really dodged one here. Well done!

💐

I expect you feel unhappy because the relationship hasn't panned out as you planned. The picture in your head of what today and the near future would be like needs to be redrawn. In time you will realise that you dodged a bullet. Stay strong.