Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Tell him to move himself back out of YOUR house. Dump him then change the locks.

Just change the locks. And do it v. soon.

Pack his bags & show him the door! Cheeky b*!

Major red flag.

I've not read whole thread but I'm sure I will say same as everyone else. March him right back out. No being nice about it. Direct direct direct.

The bit I wanted to say was change the locks.

I'm gathering that the person you're responding to comes from a generation where women were expected to put up with any old crap from a man, and any woman who dared to set boundaries had an "ego". She most likely comes from a time when unmarried women weren't even allowed to own property either. So that probably plays a part in the way she thinks.

He needs to move right out again and be removed from your life pronto

Yeap…

well, “surprise” you are not ready and he can just have a normal convo. Seriously if these are his “important convo” skills, you might want to put a boundary right now on how you work 🫣

the cheek!!

🌺🌺

Put his bags outside on the steps and say "ill call over to you mums with anything else of yours I find"
and
Im not interested in sharing my space with anyone I wish to live by myself!

Move him straight back out whilst shouting Surprise!

Hope all is ok OP

this reminds me of my first proper boyfriend aged 17 who moved himself in by stealth into my mums house and moved out of his family home. He only told us he'd moved in with us after a couple of weeks when I asked him if his mum was expecting him home

when we spilt up (nothing major) he then tried to convince my mum that I should be the one that moved out not him! Must admit she was tempted for all of 30 seconds then his feet didn’t hit the ground as he was told to leave.

Tbh a quick search of her posts shows she’s contrary on every thread she contributes to always going against the majority viewpoint.

So she’s either opinionated and thinks she’s right or she’s being deliberately contrary to get a reaction.

I hope you’re ok OP and that he’s stayed away (wishful thinking I know).

Cheeky cunt. Can guarantee parents are sick of him and kicked him out. Massive red flag and a freeloader!

X

@Girlgamer are you ok? Getting worried about you

😂 haven’t heard cocklodgers in ages! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Nothing to add except Be grateful that you didn’t - in a fit of love sickened delirium - put his name on the deeds like I did; that was a hugely expensive lesson for me.!!! World is full of freeloading losers - get him out your house and then get out of that relationship.

Definitely this.

His parents have moved him on bet you! Or he’s argued with them. You’re being used in other words. Sorry Op

THIS, so much. I cannot imagine wanting to continue with someone who just stomped all over my boundaries and tried to move into my home without asking me.

You think it's a nice surprise for someone just to announce that they are moving in without ANY discussion with the person living in, and paying for the property?

That is the craziest thing I've ever read. Surely moving in with someone is not something you just do on a whim?

Men like those in the op prey on those with empathy and compassion, and who feel responsible for other people's feelings. People pleasers are magnets to CFs because they can't say no, but that doesn't mean others are without empathy!

Nah. Having good boundaries =/= lack of empathy. There's a reason Buddhism sometimes teaches the concept of idiot compassion, that is, the empathizing with dysfunctional, exploitative or manipulative behaviour. Depressingly, kind-hearted people need to know the difference or they indeed become targets.

If that's the case, he should have just told her.

OP should just drop off his stuff at the parents' and change the locks.