Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

This!

Possibly,and equally possibly its gone tits up.
Eitherway I wasnt badgering I am reasonably worried when a young woman posts alarming stories where they are in a dicey position and dont alert if its now safe. In short stirring up anxiety, and there are a lot of people here who have probably gone through similar.
Its not owing, its reassurance of your safety and consideration of peoples concern that a person in these scenarios asks for.

I have made this mistake. You could not be more correct! I love him dearly but he should have got his own place.

I'd have to laugh at his 'threat' of ending the relationship because you aren't over the moon at his 'surprise'. If he felt it was time for the relationship to either progress or end, that's fair enough, but he should have had an adult conversation about it, not just shown up at your door with all his worldly possessions and a powerful sense of entitlement. This was an obvious power play. Too bad for him that you're refusing to be bullied into a major life decision!

Update: he’s not actually come back! All his stuff is still here though. I’m thinking he went back to his parents, and might come to collect his stuff tomorrow, or perhaps I’ll drop his stuff off to his parents like many of you have suggested. He hasn’t contacted me since the argument on the phone earlier.

His parents kicked him out 🤣

Does he have his own key? If so, please get the locks changed.

More games. He expects you to be texting and calling to ask where he is. Don’t bother!

You do NOT want him accessing your home when you're not there. I hope he doesn't have a key, and if you have ANY doubts, get the locks changed.

Don't give him an opportunity or any reason to come back to your place to collect anything. Take all his things to his parents straight away and change the locks.

Begging for forgiveness...

... parents won't budge so he'll be back later with the whole 'but I've got no where else to go' stuff.

To which your response should be "But why should I? You aren't my boyfriend anymore. I'm not responsible for you. I don't do threats and ultimatums over whether someone moves into MY HOME.

Has he actually told you he’s not coming back or has he just stopped replying to you?

Yes annoyingly I gave him a spare key. I’ll ask for it back and change the locks

Thank goodness.Thanks for the update.
But his response is even clearer that he doesnt respect you. Extraordinary behaviour on his part, so incredibly rude.
You think he is at his parents, but why it doesnt make sense, and that he hasnt contacted you or turned up?

Are you his cloakroom?

Eitherway I'd be proactive and take the stuff back to the parents asap, and while there find out whats going on.
Tell them how he took you by surprise, and was he there tonite?

He's done that on purpose OP, having a hissy fit, to keep you wondering and deliberately not contacting to make you sweat a bit and take his "threat" seriously.

Is it possible to lock the door, in case he turns up really late?
I think he's missed the cut off time to visit now and the last thing you need is him turning up after the pubs have closed.

Dropping his stuff off at his parents tomorrow would put a stop to his dragging out the drama.

I'd be worried he'd turn up in the middle of the night, hoping you'll let him in rather than make a scene with the neighbours.

Do you have someone you can invite round last minute to stay with you?

I'd just change the locks tommorrow, try not to engage too much

Do you have his parents' contact details? Can you ask them to come pick up his stuff?

If you have any suspicion that he has a key I would follow the advice of the PPs and get your locks changed. Depending on which locks you have there are some fairly straightforward how yos on YouTube.

She gave him a key unfortunately.

In his mind he is making you sweat with his threat to end things. He hopes by tomorrow you will be more grateful he wants to move in.... I am guessing his dps have told him to sling his hook.

Can you get an emergency locksmith out tonight, so your house is secure in case he comes back very late? Or have someone with you?

He’s clearly trying to manipulate you.

Yes good call. Emergency locksmith

Please change the locks right now ish? Even if he returns the spare key, he might have copied it and continue to pop in to use the facilities when you aren't there, even if he doesn't guilt trip or intimidate you and end up staying. When locks changed, drop his stuff to parents. Depending on time zone, both by end of day today? Or at least stuff a towel under the front door from inside /tie some clanking things to the inner handle.

Definitely get the locks changed tomorrow. For tonight make sure you put the door on the chain/latch down/leave your key in the door depending on what type of door lock you have to make sure he can’t get in.