Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Get him out and end the relationship. He's a walking 🚩

Correct response.

Not only has he tried to blindside you and take a huge decision without involving you, he then has tried to emotionally manipulate you by coercion by saying he will end the relationship if you don't let him.

Cheerio bye then.

(He doesn't think you will have the nerve to do this btw. He really doesn't respect you).

Sorry, i was so triggered and outraged by your original post I missed your update! 😂
He's a manipulative dick and it's just good you've found out now instead of after he's got his feet under the table and made your life a manipulated, controlled misery.

@mathanxiety is right. Seriously consider getting your locks changed.

Stick to your guns. Dont let him railroad you.

@Girlgamer I don't understand why:

1. you didn't just tell him to take his stuff away - you'd not discussed it, he had no right to do that.
2. you are letting him blackmail you: "it's over if you don't agree".
3. why you might ever think that this is acceptable behaviour. It is not.

I understand you were shocked and wrong-footed. But you need to take the upper hand. You need to assert yourself. You need to say "NO".

He won't like it. You will find that others in your life (now or in the future) won't like it when you say 'NO' to them. But that is your right. Take it to heart.

OP that's awful. What a dick. Send him back to his parents where he can be treated like the man-child that he still is. Is there no shortage of immature men these days? Must we all be burdened with them??

Well done op.

Wow, I can’t believe the audacity of him.
OP do yourself a favour, leave his stuff outside your door, and block him, don’t waste anymore energy on him.

I hope you are ok. I would have gone down the route of leaving his stuff outside and locking the doors etc. He is clearly unhinged - who even does something like this?! And he cares nothing for you other than a roof over his head. You have had such a lucky escape, please take this as your sign to walk away.

He's looking for new digs because mum and dad have probably told him to GTFO. Tell him to take his threats and shove them up his arse because you are dumping him. What an absolute fuckwit. You have massively dodged a bullet.

My DH had always lived at home before he met me. We did a “test” run first and the reason he passed was because he was willing to learn and after nearly 10 years of marriage we are now very equal partners.

I will add though if he just “decided” to move in he’d have been out again just as fast!

I beg your fucking pardon?

I'm interested in studying this level of entitlement and/or how your relationship was run up to this point, because this shit just cannot happen in a vacuum 🫢. I'm accustomed to reading about people pushing boundaries, but this one sounds like he just knocked down the whole front door 😳.

Agreed, and I have no doubt there were loads of red flags flying before this happened.

he’s ready to move in and if I’m not ready, then it’s done for him.
thats how my abusive ex got me to have him move in with me. I was very young and naive. It took me years to get rid of him bc he became terrifying.

So basically, he's not interested in you, he's just interested in your place to stay.

If he really loved you, he'd be happy to stay in a relationship with you on your terms. But if you don't let him stay in your home, then he apparently has no further use for or interest in you.

Think about that. Is that what you want to do with your one precious life?

Dear god.

He thinks relationships should be entirely on his terms, his way or the highway, and thinks it's okay to just railroad their way into someone's home!

Hope you're not letting him talk you round this evening, OP, and you had his packed bags waiting for him after his job today.

PS even my abusive ex didn’t just turn up with his stuff. He bullied me into it in advance.

I get really anxious when women dont update on a potentially dangerous situation.
Its now 9pm I hope she is alright?

Ditto

I hope OP's radio silence is because she is busy LTB.

Yawn. This was never a relationship. Just saying. I hope you are all right op.

Jeez @Girlgamer I hope he’s gone now?

he’ll be giving up on the relationship if he has to leave

Fuckity bye then.

i don’t like it when people start badgering the OP for a reply. The OP owes us nothing. Chances are she’s dumped him and is having a cry with her mates, or he’s talked her round and she knows everyone on here’ll have a go at her if she admits it.