Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

I don't think this is quite normal behaviour tbh and I think you need to brace yourself for trouble this evening. He sounds desperate to me and I suspect you'll have more trouble getting him out than what he is saying suggests. Keep your wits about you and have a low threshold for involving the police. I would not under any circumstances be allowing him to stay "just the one night" and personally I would stay sober until the door is locked and bolted behind him.

Perhaps your interpretation of what happened in those break ups is very off, because it certainly is here.

Omg what a cheeky fucker! Get rid of him OP he has no respect for you if he thinks he can just turn up and move in without even discussing it with you and getting your permission but then has even more cheek to try and manipulate you by saying if you make him leave the relationship is over. He has more red flags than a bloody communist party meeting get rid pronto!

I hope he doesn’t kick off when he realises his meal ticket has been withdrawn.

Please let us know you are OK OP.

Your update says it all. I’m sorry, he was just looking for a mealticket. Far better you know what he’s like now.

He's obviously fuming you aren't so so so grateful he has moved in....
Dodged a grenade there op.

You’ve dodged a huge bullet here.

You have told him you are not comfortable with something and he’s trying to push you into it anyway.

There is one thing to say that he wants more commitment within a certain timeframe but it’s another thing completely to try and force it upon you.

If he wants to end the relationship over this then let him.
At least he’s shown you his true colours.

That's the right decision, he's threating to end the relationship to get his way. He sounds manipulative and awful.

Oh wow, your latest update.

What a bullying cuckoo he is!

Stay strong 💪

Hope it went ok OP. You are doing the right thing. I had the same which turned abusive - essentially pushing boundaries to see how much I accepted. Everyone is right; huge flag. Best wishes.

A fucking men.

Sorry OP, I know how hard it is to find a promising man. This must be a big disappointment. But he's definitely showing you who he is right now. Well done for defending your boundaries. Better to find out earlier than later.

@Girlgamer

There is nothing more to say to this cheeky fucker and deeply uncivilized specimen.

Get your locks changed.

You should consider the relationship over, and count yourself lucky he showed his true colours.

Let him stew.

Bloody hell OP. What the fuck is wrong with him???

Agree with this.

There are some lovely men out there. Really great. But so many are just so fucking disappointing ☹️

You’ve got to laugh at his audacity! Beyond imperious, isn’t he! What a walking red flag. Tell him to watch his massive head on his way out the door! 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

When I first read this thread I found it depressing that your boyfriend can just walk into your home and claim it as his own residence.

The way this man treats you is not good. There are so many flags here it's like the Olympic opening ceremony.
I have commented because I have read your update and I am so pleased. His response tells you all you need to know about how he really feels about you. Stay strong and congratulations you've just made one of the best decisions of your life.

You say love is hard to find so excuse a cocklodger. Some people have higher standards 🙄 don't set your bar so low

He's essentially trying to blackmail you to live in your home. Tell him to get to the far side of fuck and when he gets there, fuck off some more! Arrogant tosser!

Absolutely this!!

I will never live with a man who has never lived alone.

I tell my DD this also.

I also tell my DD that it’s important that she learns to live alone too, so she never feels she has to rely on a man.

Too often I have seen women who put up with shitty behaviour because they are worried about being single and/or financially independent.

In your shoes I’d let myself be disappointed that a relationship I had hope for has come to an end. (Let’s be fair, even if he took back his “ultimatum” and moved out, the damage is done) But I wouldn’t allow myself to be sad over him. He wore his red flags like a badge of honour and did you a massive favour as a result.

Jesus, he's so manipulative. run for the hills, dump him, never look back. eurgh

This. Tell him that no-one who is not invited to, comes and lives in your house. Get your keys off him. He cannot be allowed to just make a decision like that about you and your place.

He really can't refuse to go but given the nerve of him, if he does, just as others have said, his stuff goes outside and if necessary you'll have to change your locks. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

The cheeky, cheeky fucker to think he can do that without asking you or being asked by you. It does not bode well for a happy relationship that he is so presumptuous. I'm sorry but I'll bet he'll turn into an overbearing arsehole.

I had a CF move in with me though he did at least ASK. He swiftly made my life a misery and I totally lost sight of the fact that this was occurring despite it being my flat and I could have told him to leave at any time.

Red flags abound, OP.

Thank god you’re asking him to leave