Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

This is chilling... he sounds aggressive and controlling. Do you have a friend, preferably male and intimidating, to greet him when he gets home and supervise him packing and leaving.

Well that was your answer. “I’m muscling my way into your home and making it my home too, and if you stop me I’m ending the relationship”.
I’m sorry it ended this way but you’ve dodged a bullet.

What are the chances that his parents have made him leave theirs so he’s using blackmail to try and stay as he has nowhere else to go.

It's all about him and what he wants, isn't it. You stick to your guns.

Get him the fuck out of your house. He doesn't get to move in without your consent.
Don't even consider being nice about it. Get him to leave.
The fact that he has lived with his parents right up until this moment says it all really.
I think you should end this relationship - you have no idea what he will do next.

💯

He says it's done for him if you're not ready? Good. That makes that decision easier for you. Seriously. Cut your losses.

Let's hope he sticks to his promise then. Who the hell does he think he is, throwing his weight around? Didn't he think you might have a say in who lives in your house?

Do you have children in the house, OP?

You tell him to move back out again ASAP and never disrespect you like that again.
HUGE RED FLAG.
Personally on that basis alone Id end it, because Ive never heard such enroachment arrogance and presumption.
Who does he think he is?
Surprise him...tbh Im suprised you let him in
Where will this end? Nowhere good.

he’ll be giving up on the relationship if he has to leave
He's a wrong-un.
IMO it's best if you accept it's over now and stay away from him. He'll have been convinced that his plan would work and you'd feel grateful to have a man live with you.
He'll be feeling angry & humiliated and if you stay with him he will take that out on you in order to try and get his own back (imo- but this is pretty off the chart behaviour by anyone's standard surely!)

So basically he's saying that he only wants a relationship with you if you can provide him with accommodation. What a charmer. I'd pack his bags and leave them on the doorstep. There's no point in even having a conversation about it.

He needs to go. Who the f** just turns up at girlfriend's house with bags saying he is moving in. That's not normal and not a positive surprise. There's something more going on with him. Kick him out and end the whole relationship. Protect yourself.

Wow op what a CF! So hes now blackmailing you?! Im staying put or we end the relationship. Bye bye 👋 pack his bags for him so hes ready to leave. What a prick. Let us know how it goes x

He said what? He's a piece of work. Thankfully he's ending the relationship so you don't have to.

Fucking hell, he's got some neck eh?

You have dodged a bullet here OP - he's showing you what he thinks of your views, your needs, your wants. As in, he doesn't give a shit and won't bother asking you, because he'll do what he wants and throw a tantrum if you don't back down.

Personally I'd be packing his shit up and leaving it on the doorstep, with a text to say don't bother ringing the bell because I don't want to talk to you.

What an entitled prick! Get him in the bin.

I'm an old lady. Put a ring on it or don't touch my toilet roll.

Hi OP, I’ve only read your posts and am guessing a lot of pp will have already said what I am about to, but am going to weigh in anyway as it’s important for you to hear!

You need to end this relationship. From what you’ve said, you have a boyfriend who hasn’t yet established himself as an independent adult but who is entitled enough to think he can impose himself on the adult setup that you have achieved. This alone is highly questionable; the fact he thinks he can emotionally manipulate you into going along with it is a total dealbreaker, plus proof that he doesn’t value the relationship. You can do way, way better than this guy. End it and enjoy your peace until you’re ready to move into someone better.

Hopefully he keeps his promise and ends it, if not please end it. He has shown he will not respect your feelings, opinions or boundaries as well as wanting to be a total cocklodger.

It's likely that his goal with was always to move in on you, to make you his sugar mummy, pay for everything, provide the roof over his head etc.
Luckily he doesn't have enough impulse control to play the long game!!
(WTF😱this is the stuff of nightmares, it's an invasion)

If this man's loving and caring for you was entirely dependent on you providing him with a place to live - then it wasn't much of a relationship at all, was it? If he throws his toys out of the pram because HE thinks it's time you moved in together without consulting you - you are well rid.

Wow, what a prince. I’m guessing he’s been kicked out by his parents and now he’s trying to coerce you into letting him move in by trampling all over your boundaries. Be prepared for a sob story when you stick to your guns. Don’t let him make it your problem.

To clear things up, I moved countries to be with DP when we had a baby. Before that we had a happy 5 years of living in separate countries, then I had the baby and moved to Germany as I'm not looking after a baby on my own, we later got married.

He's not going to end the relationship. Which is a shame, as he's waving huge red flags.

Absolutely.
What are our girls and boys taught about boundaries?
I cant believe he thought this was acceptable, whats the bet he is in the manosphere/ incel etc with this attitude.

He wants free rent and board and mothering.
He has clearly been kicked out and he is emotionally blackmailing her.
this is the kind of guy who gets violent.