Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

and a convenience for him. He is taking the piss here, lack of respect to you and a handy way to move away from this parents. You will become his new mum.

Either throw him out (which may end the relationship but this might be doing you a favour tbh) OR outline the budget and what you expect him to be contribution (making sure you add a 10-15% buffer for the inconvenience)

Who does that? No, just ask him to leave. This is not okay.

This is astonishing!!!

What an absolute breadbin.

OP, this is not a man who cares at all about your needs, wants, boundaries.
Did he arrive with his belongings wrapped up in a huge red flag? Yes. Yes he did. If not literally, then most definitely figuratively.

Honestly, if you continue to date this man it is at your own peril. He could not make it any clearer that he is a walking red flag!

I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks this is acceptable. Bet you he won't pay his way. Set your boundaries and if it ends the relationship, consider it a lucky escape for yourself.

You tell (not ask) him to leave immediately and ask him why he felt he could make a unilateral decision about moving into your house without your explicit permission. inform him that his shockingly entitled and contemptible behaviour has shown him in a very unfavourable light, you will need some space to decide if this behaviour can be forgiven.

I wouldn't entertain the thought of keeping him. Just no. It sets a bad precedent for him to do this type of thing again and again. He has trampled all over your boundaries and is just thinking of himself.

Hobosexual 🤣

GET SOME AGENCY AND A BACKBONE FOR GOOSNESS SAKE!

This will all end in tears, difficulty and stress for you OP because you are not reading the very very clear and worrying signals about this man.

Up to you, but don't down the line say there weren't any signs. There are...You're just choosing to ignore them.

I agree with a pp that he'll likely start on the "you don't love me/care enough about me"

To which the answer is "obviously not so off you go fuck".

He thinks he can move in without asking?

Not on at all.

Hopefully your "surprise" for him is that he can't!

I’d be so embarrassed if my son behaved like this.

cringe.

I haven’t asked him to move back yet cos I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship.

If you don’t tell him to leave you will just be rewarding his cfuckery and setting your future self for similar entitlement. The balls in your court.

Don't ask, TELL him to take his bag out of the door.
You didn't invite him and you don't want him there
It really is that simple
Wonder if his parents threw him out?!
Whatever it's not your problem
If he has keys, as he just walked in, take them back and change the locks
Cheeky bastard

I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship

So you think he might end things because you have boundaries? Sounds like he'd be saving you a job if that's the case.

You don't need a relationship with a cocklodger man who rides roughshod over you and decides unilaterally to move into your house with no discussion. This is a warning sign of how things will be. The end of this relationship will be the best thing that happens to you. Tell him to leave. What a fucking nerve. It blows my mind!

Please do this, OP. Don't let him blag 'just a week' or anything.

So tell him to move out again. It's your home and you don't want him living there. I would be telling him to move out your life completely after this stunt.

a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship.

Why would you still want to be with him?

Well if he's a considerate & understanding person he'll get that he has overstepped & be OK to move back out.

Although not sure a decent bloke would have done this in the first place anyway!

He is using you knowing full well by now that your retaliation will be exactly in his favor.

NO DECENT MAN MOVES HIMSELF IN

Is that a relationship you really want to be in? Where he does things that greatly impact your life without any kind of discussion? He sounds like a cocklodger tbh, he’s not going to move back out and there’s more than likely going to be a tantrum/a guilt trip/an ultimatum(“I stay or we’re through”). Pack his stuff back up and set it by the door either inside or out.

He’s currently at work so I have time to think about what I’ll say to him when he’s back

For me @Girlgamer this is your opportunity to text him and tell him that you’re not ready for him to move in, so he’ll need to collect his things tonight to take them back to his home.

You don't need to say anything.

Pack his shit up, leave it on the doorstep and change the damn locks.

The audacity of this bozo. Oh and yeah you should end this relationship. If he's bold enough to do this imagine what else he can do when he thinks he's got his feet under the table.

Cheeky f-ing bastard.

Oh yes, please don’t allow any wiggle room @Girlgamer

bag up the stuff and text him now

Pack his bags and leave them on the doorstep. Your relationship is over.

Cheeky fucker. That's an automatic bin in my book.