Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

You tell him to leave very explicitly and if he won't you call the police to remove him 🤷🏼‍♀️ And aside from this you end it. Now. What on earth is wrong with him and what does he think gives him the right?! 🤯

i’d wager the Op has children 😞

You're worried that asking him to leave might end the relationship?
First - don't ask him, tell him.
And it's not much of a relationship if he makes massive decisions like this without any sort of discussion with you.
I think you may well have problems getting him to leave - please don't give him a key. If he already has a key, get the locks changed when he goes to work tomorrow even if he's said he will leave.

Throw him out now. Shocking behaviour and he has no respect for you or boundaries.

Oh dear. You've got yourself a prize prick here.

Anything other that TELLING him - not asking him - to leave will just give him licence to walk all over you about everything and anything.

He should count himself lucky if you don't end the relation.

How long have you even been together/

Are there any children on either side?

Has he had a row with his parents?

Also "moving in together" is supposed to be fun, discussed, decided together.

It's a big relationship step that should be exciting.

He has effectively taken all that from you.

This is not, and never should be a just his decision, especially as it's your house

Moving from his mummy to his girlfriend. Really OP?

You have no idea, neither does he, if he can, will, pay, chores, be responsible.

I always had a rule to never live with a partner if they were straight from mummy. Not a chance.

I would say this.

Why don't you get your own place first, see how that goes. I reckon his response will tell you everything you need to know.

If he won't respect you and leave YOU should be ending the relationship. Not the other way around.

Don't be a doormat because he will walk all over you.

In all my years of having boyfriends I told each one of them early on there would be no living together as I need my own space, you need to put your foot down.

OP I reckon Mummy has had enough and chucked him out, so... Surprise!

Honestly the audacity, chuck this one back. This is not his decision to make!!!

How long have you been together and are there any children involved? You should not be afraid to assert your boundaries OP, if this ends the relationship it is certainly for the best. Xx

so you got enhaged and then moved in together?

or you’ve never lived with anyone?

I’m guessing an argument with his parents and they’ve chucked him out.

Boundaries Now. One night, and that’s all. It’s not up to him to decide he can live at your house. That’s your decesions to make.

I would question the relationship also.

Isn’t it obvious from what she said, she has never lived with a boyfriend. 🤔

Hobosexual! Awesome!

(Are you sure OP.his wife or mum didn't throw him out?!)

she’s married according to another thread i’m on with her

so how did that work?

Oh dear OP.

Your post reminded me for some reason of Lady Bracknell in Oscar Wilde's comedy, "The Importance of Being Earnest". She says to her daughter Gwendoline, upon being informed she is engaged to Mr Earnest Worthing,

"Pardon me, you are not engaged to anyone. When you do become engaged to someone I, or your father, should his health permit it, will inform you of the fact. An engagement should come upon a young girl as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself".

This is very humourous, but your would be suitor seems to have taken it to heart, and thinks his arrival should come upon you as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant as the case may be. Not so funny in real life, is it?

You know what you need to do OP. Please find your inner anger and make a stand. Call for back up if you need it.🌷

This is so bad it’s unbelievable. You don’t count - he’s not even trying to control you, he’s just smothering you so it’s like you’re not there.
BIN immediately - put his stuff outside - he didn’t ask to move in- you don’t ask him to move out- just do it and change the locks. If he argues phone the police

I think the relationship has ended. He has treated you with very little respect. Can you imagine doing that to someone? His parents are fed up with him and this little cocklodger needs another host.

Genuine question - why do you need to think about what to say, when you've literally said all you need to say in your post?

I was really shocked and quite disappointed how he just showed up out the blue with his stuff. But I’m really unsure if I even want him here, I like my own space.

the relationship needs to be over. he has no respect for you

Illegal and a bit of a cheek. Tell him - no way sunny Jim, back you go to your parents - call an Uber to take you and all your stuff.

His parents have kicked him out!

He is looking for digs with benefits. Tell him it is too soon

I haven’t asked him to move back yet cos I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship. But I’m really unsure if I even want him here, I like my own space.

Do you think he felt a bit worried that his behaviour might end the relationship?

To behave like this he must see you as an absolute mug and a free Airbnb. If he respects you he simply could not have done this.

And a beyond cheeky piece of 💩.

Jesus Christ, woman. Bin this prick.