A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

Absolutely!!

I think I'm going to need you lot loads over the coming weeks too!

We’re here, don’t you worry about that!

He's persisting!

And you're...?

@Clytemnestra21 well done, first step just don’t get drawn back in - easier said than done. Mine used to persist. I think you need to say to him what you want and if he doesn’t then tell him he’s not for you and you’re walking away. Don’t be a me, keep your power.

I am definitely going to need you guys. I have no idea how I’m going to be when I go back to work and he’s there. I don’t know how he’s going to be either. It’s giving me anxiety thinking about if tbh.

I'm not surprised @Vvmumofone that you feel nervous about the return to work. I don't envy you. Have you any idea how you might react and have you thought of any strategies to deal with seeing him?

@OfcourseitsaNC I may be about to cave. He's looking for workarounds re: the commitment I've flagged - eek!

@Clytemnestra21 Main strategy is to avoid. Change my lunch and don’t interact. Will be easy if he does the same. If he doesn’t, I’m not sure yet. That’s when I might need your advice.

@Clytemnestra21 as in he’s saying he wants to commit to you now? What has he said? My response would be words mean nothing without action.

Nope nothing like that. Hahaha!

I cancelled our meet up due to a family commitment and he's just suggesting another time that would work around that but would be very rushed. He's really persistent. It's been a couple of weeks since we've seen each other.

Rearranging lunchtime sounds like a good idea. Maybe have some excuses imagined/prepared where needed to duck out of situations where you might be thrown together.

you're going to go in and be the consummate professional and give no sign that you’re even slightly bothered. Even if you’re terrified and even if you’re messaging us from the loos!!!

I don’t envy you this decision @Clytemnestra21

Very rushed... I think this can work in the right circumstances... but if you have told him you have feelings and he's giving the impression he's not that bothered... very rushed is not good! Don't do it to yourself you'll potentially feel a bit used afterwards especially if he goes quiet again

Thanks @Moresunlessrain that's exactly the circumstance

@Clytemnestra21 i agree with @Moresunlessrain it won’t feel good. That’s what happened in our last time, it was very rushed and I felt awful after. Just tell him, it won’t work and that you’ll let him know as you’re not sure when you’re free next.

@mummypigoink yes agree. Just really don’t want to see him tbh.

Oh, after this week, I REALLY understand that feeling. But, and this is the thing that’s surprised me. I was in bits all week wondering why he was ignoring me, what had I done etc etc. But now I just feel baffled I was so invested in being someone’s afterthought, the constant level of low level worry about when he’s going to message me has gone and stunned at just how stupid his behaviour was when he knew he would have to see me again.

It might be that you go back to work and the scales well and truly fall from your eyes. And if they don’t, we’re here to keep you going. You’re strong, you’ll get through this!

Hey 👋
I declined
Now I feel rotten

Well done 💜 you’ve done something most of us here weren’t brave enough to do.

you feel rotten today but let’s see how you feel tomorrow and all the days after that. And maybe stay with the feelings of how crap he’s made you feel so often. You deserve more than his scraps.

Oh honey. 💐💐💐

It's ok to feel rotten. You care about this man.

And you know deep down he doesn't care about you that much. So the rotten feeling is self care. You've done the right thing to look after yourself.

You knew it was going to be hard and horrid. But you have taken the first step in walking into a better place.

As @mummypigoink says, you deserve better than his scraps.

Grab some ☕🍫

And cry.

And talk truth to yourself in the mirror about how he makes you feel. And re-read your own messages on here. It'll help you continue looking after yourself, as you'll hear your own voice of how poorly he treats you.

Thanks @mummypigoink im getting really anxious about going back.

@Clytemnestra21 well done you. It’s hard but you know it’s the right thing to do.

Hey, I've told him I don't want to continue. He hasn't tried very hard to convince me otherwise. I feel rotten.

Well done @Clytemnestra21 🌸