A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

Sorry you're feeling this way! I had a FWB for YEARS!! I didn't get over him until I met my now husband!

Sorry, I know that doesn't really help but I guess what I'm trying to say is you WILL get over it, might just take some time.

My advice would be to find a new FWB

Thank you for the sympathy/empathy it is most appreciated.

He's not my only one I don't really do monogamy (part of the problem for him) which helps to a point. But I did really like him, I would maybe have even considered monogamy but there are other factors too.

Been here before to an extent inc a terrible case of limerence once which had me sobbing for weeks! This isn't that thank goodness, I knew it wouldn't last forever but woulda been nice if it coulda lasted a little longer (for the fantastic sex if nothing else! )

Rejection always hurts though doesn't it? Even if you're not totally head over heels in love

I'm sure we're not the only 2 where's the others?

Thing is it's not like a normal ending of a dating situation as it's usually very private so I can't even talk to friends about it as they didn't know it was happening I certainly can't talk to family! Can you imagine 

Anyone have tips on moving on? Aside from @navigatingmy20s "get under someone else" which yes is tried and true method.

Anyone have daft/fun ways to do so? When I'm miffed like this suddenly all my housework gets done!

Agree we can't be the only ones have you got a dating profile? maybe set one of them up and have at a little flirt with anyone who peaks your interest, that's sure to pass the time. And who doesn't love a little flirt!!

Ahhh yes i remember the days of completing mundane chores to pass the time to make me forget I had been let go 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

Mine didn't end the way I would have liked but I don't blame him particularly, I just wish he'd been a bit more considerate of my circumstances at the time (I was going through cancer treatment). He's a decent chap. I miss him a lot.

I'm about to be a survivor I think he's quietly binning me after 6 months so hope you don't mind if I hang in here 😀

Ahhh I'm currently feeling this... we agreed no feelings but now it's ended I'm feeling quite bruised. Worst part is we work together..

Watching with interest. First ever FWV situation here after long marriage. I'm not sure I'm robust enough not to catch feelings!

This thread is timely as I’ve just ended a 6 year friendship/relationship/FWB a couple of weeks ago.

It started as a LDR after we met when he was visiting friends in my area but lived 5 hours away. It then fizzled out three years in and I met someone else. We stayed in touch as friends and he moved to a nearby city. We resumed as FWB once my relationship ended for a further year.

But over the last few months, I started feeling that he didn’t respect my time or me as he’d turn up in the early hours of the morning when we’d arranged to meet and he let me down on a couple of occasions.

I feel a little sad as I’ve lost a lot of friends over the last few years and I miss his friendship plus the sex was good even though he was sometimes selfish in bed. He was also up for doing things none of my othe lr friends like doing. I’ve realised I can’t keep letting people take the piss out of me so I told him I was done a couple of weeks ago. I feel totally done with men and relationships so whilst I’d like a FWB situation again, I just can’t be bothered trying to find a good one.

Hugs to everyone on the thread going through similar. It’s a weird one as it’s not devastating like a proper relationship ending but is still bringing up similar feelings and is perhaps triggering overall feelings of loneliness and just not being deserving of good treatment.

Yep think mines slowly binning me too hahahah 8 months down the line. Nice guy but both know what it is, want totally different things which help. Still feels a bit shit but on we move….to the next

Absolutely incredible sex too which is a fucker

I have dating profiles but it's bloody hard finding decent chaps that are single at my age (I'm in my late 40's) but I do love a good flirt it's a great ego boost...then you find out they're married or still live at home with mum and have never moved out! 

@TheFormidableMrsC that was a shitty thing to do! Have you recovered now? From both the cancer and the fwb?

@catin8oots that's where I was last couple weeks, texting became less and less, no arrangements made or attempted to be made by him to meet up so eventually I bit the bullet and asked if we'd be catching up again soon and he dropped the bomb

@SinkingSwim ouch! That sounds rough are you in daily contact or just same work place?

@Clytemnestra21 ohh bless you. It's not for everyone. I discuss in general terms with friends and some admit they are definitely not suited to such an arrangement.

@SingleSock wow 6 years is a loooong time. Yea it sucks losing the friendship as much as anything else (sex was awesome with mine! I have to say so yea I'm certainly gonna miss that)

It’s a weird one as it’s not devastating like a proper relationship ending but is still bringing up similar feelings and is perhaps triggering overall feelings of loneliness and just not being deserving of good treatment.

I can totally relate to this.

@Rooroobear I'm so sorry you're also going through this.

Doesn't it just totally suck?!

I don't want a relationship I don't wanna live with someone or get married, I'm too old for kids (menopausal anyway) but I would like a situation where we go out for meals, weekends away, nights to cinema etc... and hopefully decent sex! Is that too much to expect?

I miss my FWB. Great sex, gorgeous guy, we had a laugh but it just made me feel so sad, all the time - FWB arrangement is just not for me!

it was a grief as big as a relationship for me but then I cry at adverts 😂 He didn’t give a shit & still shamelessly slides in my DMs, I’ve held out

@FWBSurvivor Literally in the same office so I can't avoid him! 😩

@FWBSurvivor To be fair to him, he was trying to do the right thing (he met somebody, which was absolutely fair enough, we'd been seeing eachother for 6 years), he felt the right thing to do was to tell me, it was just awful timing. I know he wouldn't have set out to hurt me. I'm well I think! Thank you for asking! In terms of being over him, yes I guess, it really was a relationship set on terms that suited us both but we were really close friends and I miss that very much. I also never gave him a chance to explain as it were because I ended the conversation and blocked him. It was a bit of a knee jerk reaction. Knowing him as I do he would have been mortified and felt best to leave well alone. It was just bloody bad timing! Onwards!

I've had an ex (who left) recently approach me for a FWB type arrangement. I'm holding out as I have feelings for him, even though he's a prick! The sex was also out of this world, which is likely the main reason he's approached me. He says he misses me.

For many reasons, he's just not relationship material. I can't bring myself to have a FWB, but neither am I wanting to move on to dating where there's no spark.

Going to embrace my vibrator.

Yes that's what I miss! Goddamit 😬

Observing with interest. I struggled for a long time to get over a no strings thing, & still think wistfully about him at vulnerable moments. Things kind of faded away and he was engaged to someone else less than 18 months later, so it was very much “I do want a relationship, just not with you” which stings a bit, even though it would have been a non-starter.

I have had successful FWB arrangements before and since, and I know that the key is just not catching feelings. It’s just difficult sometimes.

I was in this situation many years ago but I agree with @navigatingmy20s the only way I really got over him was moving on with someone else...

Finished a month ago with mine. Lasted 8 mths. I knew it wouldn't be a long term thing as he is polyamorous and has a longterm partner but l enjoyed the feeling of being wanted by someone again....

Except l actually wasn't wanted by him...he didn't have any feelings for me - l don't mean love - but after that length of time, l had hoped he had affection and care for me, like l did him.... but he made it abundantly clear that he didn't when l asked for a bit more "enjoyment" for me in the bedroom department... and he said no, as he only does "romantic" things with his longterm partner. I didn't want romance.... l just wanted a bloody orgasm!!

Haven't heard from him since mid March and l am finding it so hard. If we'd just met for sex, l would have found it easier but we also spent time together walking, chatting, eating, holding hands, cuddling etc

Part of the reason I let it go on so long (and still wonder if I should keep it going) is that although he had issues, he seemed a damned sight better than a lot of other men. He was very clean and tidy, could cook, plus intelligent and a good conversationalist. I’ve met a few men over the past year or so and they’ve all been awful in one way or another.

The level of contact and connection really suited me and I think only achieved due to the way our relationship evolved. I worry it won’t be easily replicated. Even so, I know I need to enforce my boundaries and I’d made it clear I wouldn’t be messed around indefinitely. I feel irritated with him for messing up such a good thing.

I’ve been fighting the urge to message him to say a proper ‘thanks for the good times and bye’ as the last time I saw him, I was angrily asking him to leave as soon as he turned up. I’ve also pondered asking if we can go back to just being friends. What’s stopping me is that I know he will say all the right things but he’s shown by his actions what he really thinks of me so what’s the point?

@Dustydoilies at least you're self aware enough to realise that.

@SinkingSwim same office ouch! I feel for you how long has it been since things ended?

@TheFormidableMrsC I'm glad you are well. Not sure if mine has met someone else. He's from a different religion/culture to me which was one of the reasons it would never have worked as a proper relationship. I've been amicable and left communication lines open. But sadly I don't think I will hear from him again. Which I fear I may struggle with. I'm not heartbroken, I'm not wrecked or anything cos I knew it could never be anything but what it was. I just hoped we could have kept going a bit longer but then maybe it'd be harder. There were a lot of "if only" things "If only I were the same religion/culture" "if only I could have kids" "if only he didn't want kids" "if only our careers were more compatible" etc

Going to embrace my vibrator

Think that's our thread motto right there! 

 it's never quite as good though is it?

@Traumdeuter I'm sorry you went through that, that wasn't fair to treat you like that

I have had successful FWB arrangements before and since, and I know that the key is just not catching feelings. It’s just difficult sometimes.

Preaching to the choir sister!

@FortyFacedFuckers someone else is not difficult to do, doesn't necessarily make it hurt much less. At least for a while

@NeedToAskPlease I'm sorry
you were treated that way that's unacceptable whatsoever the dynamics

l would have found it easier but we also spent time together walking, chatting, eating, holding hands, cuddling etc

Same it wasn't only sex, mostly sex  but not only.

@SingleSock yep slim pickings in relationship terms for sure but even just sex. As said on here cock is abundant but it's the cocks they're attached to is the problem

I feel irritated with him for messing up such a good thing.

Kinda where I'm at just now

Mine is saying let's be friends but I won't be surprised if I never hear from him again. Which will make me sad.

I will move on, I don't regret knowing him (cos the sex was outstanding and he's gorgeous!) just wish certain things weren't the obstacles they are.

I think if a FWB arrangement being over hurts you then it's not the arrangement for you in the first place.

@ohschno I wish it were that simple! I'm not in the right place for a fully committed relationship that wouldn't suit me either for various reasons

Another one slowly getting binned by her FWB We've seen each other once in about 6 weeks whereas before, he would come round maybe twice per week.

"Hectic at work", and a lot of work trips apparently.

Disappointing because I felt our kinks were just starting to come out and evolve.

Oh well.