A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

This is the interesting part to me, that he's saying this up front.

I'd agree that's not FWB he's asking for, it's the girlfriend experience without the commitment.

xFWB and I evolved into meeting friends after years, but still never had exclusivity.

The important question though is what do you want? Does that arrangement meet your needs? Would you want to sleep with other people if you're sleeping with him? Do you want to meet friends with him? Do you want to be in a couple without the commitment?

Yes, I agree. I think I know which direction I m going with this and that’s just causal fun.

Thank you for replying.
I like the freedom having a FWB brings, having not long divorced I’m extremely cautious when it comes to men/ commitment etc.
I don’t think I am prepared to break my existing bonds for this guy, he’s saying all the right things, wants to cook for me etc , but I learned the hard way that some men like playing games.

Sounds like you know what you want. 👍

I agree that this new guy sounds like he's someone to be a little wary of. It's good he's been upfront with you so that you can make an informed decision

Hi all👋 hope everyone's had a good Christmas!
@Ryah76 you sound very clear about what you want which is awesome. I agree with @OfcourseitsaNC and @shivermetimbers77 it sounds like this guy wants a Relationship without commitment. You're right to be cautious.

I know what you mean about game playing. I think some guys just like to push boundaries. So if you say you don't want to be exclusive, they immediately want to persuade you to be exclusive etc.

@OfcourseitsaNC I hadn't answered your question yet because I've been dwelling on it all week!😬
I know what I should do. I know it's time. But honestly the ups and downs of thinking about him are such a pleasurable distraction thats it's really hard to do.
But it's more angst than fun these days. And is so rarely at tomes, cadence etc that suit me. Basically I'm needing more than he can offer me. I'd be silly to spend more time in this. It isn't what I want and isn't going to improve. ☹️

Times not tomes

@Clytemnestra21 I think he was going to end it on Christmas Eve but bottled it. He’s been ghosting me since then. And we’re at the same party tonight. So you were right @OfcourseitsaNC he wasn’t decent because no one decent ghosts.

Oh that's crappy @mummypigoink 😞 Update us after the party.

And if you think it's time @Clytemnestra21 , are you still as secure in that? You're right that it shouldn't be this difficult.

Maybe start 2025 free of him and decide to replace him with someone better?

Happy New Year to you all on this thread! Let's all go into 2025 with the confidence to enjoy what we want to enjoy and to let go of what is no longer good for us 🥳

Hey 👋
Hope it goes okay @mummypigoink
@OfcourseitsaNC he and I have arranged a meet up for the new year. But I feel ambivalent about it. When we get close to breaking up I feel distraught but when we're back in it I don't feel 100% comfortable either. I think you're right and I need to summon the conviction.

Well mine ended things with me in the end. I know it was the best thing. I am dreading going back to work after time off and not having any contact. Just going to avoid as much as possible I think.

I spoke to him at the end of the night. It’s over, he says it’s him, etc etc. Right now, I’m glad I got closure, but I’m back to where I was in the summer that this is it for me, and how to cope with the loneliness.

@mummypigoink im sorry things ended for you. I had the same, it’s him not me blah blah blah. And I now have to learn to be by myself. No contact these last few weeks has been great but how I will cope when I go back to work is another story. I started reading the subtle art of not giving a fuck. It is very interesting.

@Vvmumofone & @mummypigoink ...it really is them! Those boys are rubbish at adulting. I think most "F"wb in their 40s/50s are immature arseholes who think they can have their second wind at our expense.

Fuck them all off.

@Clytemnestra21 only you can do what's right for you. The breaking up will be hard, I agree. But is it preferable to you to draw a line under and finish things or continue with the angst he's causing you? Only you know what you're comfortable living with.

@OfcourseitsaNC you are so right. I now need to focus on me and being happy with me and being on my own.

@Clytemnestra21 i was in your position not that long ago, contemplating ending things. I didn’t and he did which is much worse. Take your power back. I wish I had.

Thank you everyone for your comments. You are all right and I’m going to be coming back to this thread and your comments for your wisdom in the next few weeks. Funnily enough I was given a copy of the subtle art of not giving a fuck a few months ago too. And a jar of fucks. And it never even crossed my mind to give him one.

@mummypigoink exactly. The one thing I have learnt from my experience is what I will not stand for and how I need to heal myself. So I’m taking the positive.

@Vvmumofone I've just cancelled our next meet -eek!

Well done @Clytemnestra21 , that takes a lot of guts to do.. How have you left it with him? How are you feeling about it?

Thanks @shivermetimbers77 it's not as brave as a I might be as I've just cancelled a potential meet up this weekend due to family commitments. Nothing definitive. But feel so hard saying no to him and he is always so nonchalant in response it leaves me guessing. I really like him and want to see him. But he just never leaves me feeling wanted/valued enough.

@Clytemnestra21 it’s a start though.

I’ve fuelled my first day back at work in 10 days with a boatload of chocolate so it might be the sugar talking, but I actually feel quite liberated that I’m not going to be thinking about if he wants to see me or not. I’m sure I’m going to crash and be sad again soon but for now this will do.

Proud of you. Well done. I get how hard it must have been 💐

Don't belittle your strength in doing so putting cancelling down to family commitments. You know you need to start extracting yourself from him somehow. That was a perfect way to start 👏

First step was walking in that door, and you did it 👏 Proud of you too. 💐

PM us where you work and we'll get some more chocolate sent your way when you run out.

I agree you'll probably crash and be sad again soon, but you know deep down that's all part of your healing and moving on.

Let's keep talking ladies and get ourselves through these next few weeks.