A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

Ohh he is just vile 🤢 please get rid for you're self esteem and mental health. You deserve so much better.

Was this meant for me? There is more

Yes. Please go ahead. I hate to see women being abused by disgusting so called men.

Thanks 🙁 I don’t think he’s abusing me though 🙁 We are fwb but maybe I’m looking at him in a rose coloured light. I told him I had met two of his friends from years ago (one of which I think something happened with) I did say I don’t think they would remember me as this was years and years ago only met them once or twice. He goes and meets this friend then rings me saying this guy doesn’t know who I am and did I sleep with him 😔then when I said why would I lie he has a go at me and tells me that he didn’t say something to me at the hotel which I know he did as I was there! He also has a list (very long list) of girls he has slept with/done something with and then told me what my number was and what he wants to get it up to! (He’s 38)

Hi all 👋
hope everyone’s okay
@ThatRubyLionhave to agree with others. Your guy sounds mean. I bet you could do a lot better.
how are you @mummypigoink?
@Moresunlessrain thank you for asking, I’m okay overall. I hope you’re well. My FwB made the declaration that he’d developed ‘real feelings’ for me and that it’s ‘more than just sex’ between us. Which felt nice. But then I followed up and asked exactly what his real feelings are and his response was ‘I like you a lot’ - erm!??? Felt a bit lukewarm to say the least. 🫤 🤣🤷‍♀️

He really needs to give his head a wobble @Clytemnestra21. what are you going to do about that?

His real feelings are "I want to keep having sex with someone @Clytemnestra21 and you nearly stopped. I need to say something that will keep you having sex with me"

What did you want the answer to be?

Thankyou. I don’t know how else to get him to believe me why would I lie about meeting his friends from years back. Of course he’s gone back to the usual reading my texts and not replying which is standard for him after we meet up 😞

He sounds absolutely disgusting. I've got to be honest with you here,he is not you're friend he has absolutely no respect for you. He then gaslighted you about something he said at the hotel. It's classic abuse. If FWB is what you really want there is plenty other guys who would atleast treat you with respect as well as having fun. He sounds so immature for his age and absolute man child.

Thanks. Maybe I’m being too nice and seeing it in the wrong light. I’ve literally spent the best part of 2 and a half days trying to convince him that I’m not lying and finally he’s text back to say don’t worry about it so I hope he believes me.

the thing that got me was Monday night after lots of drink he was like „if we were a couple we’d be swingers for sure” and if we were together we’d be a filthy couple. That just messed with my head 😞

He loves having control over you and clearly enjoys it. He wants you to begging for his approval it's quite sad actually. He loves putting those thoughts in you're head when he has clearly no intention of something serious just so he can keep stringing you along. You deserve better.

Thanks 🥺 The worst bit is every time I go to see him it’s hard for me as I like him more than just a fwb. I come home and feel crap as I just wish it could be more. (He doesn’t know this by the way)

I knew my friend had an FWB, she was so happy, lots of outings away from home town. Then she is round at mine in floods of tears. He had not contacted her for a week. We found that he had died. Crossing a street in London, car hit him. Died in hospital after a week or so. She couldn't visit, couldn't contact anyone she was so lonely.
Sorry for sad story.

I understand it must be difficult when you have feelings for someone. I guarantee he knows by the way he treats you he knows you're into him. I think you have to make a decision continue to see him knowing it won't be anything more all the while hurting yourself or end it. Or you could tell him but I guarantee he will just continue with his bs. This type of situation will ruin you're self esteem. I feel for you I just wish you could see you're worth.

Can I ask why you think he knows that I like him more by the way he treats me?

Sorry I don’t mean to take up the whole thread xx

Ok so I only know what u've said here but the way he has you on a string tredding on eggshells begging for the bare minimum attention from him. Even the way he ignores you after that's toxic behavior and he knows it. It keeps him in control and you always longing for him. He knows you must like him because you run after him and still meet him after the way he treats you. You need to ask yourself this one question. "Are you happy with this situation? If not some thinking is needed

thanks for the advice. I’m just really upset at the moment. After 2 and a bit days of me ringing him and telling him I wasn’t lying I did meet his friends briefly I’m sure I did but this was years ago so unlikely they would remember me he finally says don’t worry about it.

I just feel like I’ve ruined my chances of seeing him again with this misunderstanding

It's because he never cared in the first place. It's all drama with him. He loves keeping you beneath him. In the nicest possible way you should never want to see him again..He's a manipulative prick from what I've heard. Please do some work on you're self worth and self esteem I did and it helped me enormously.

Thank you so much for listening I do appreciate it. It’s hard to see things like this sometimes when you are in the situation. I have said to him so many times why would I lie about knowing your friends briefly years and years ago I don’t lie it makes no sense. He made such a big deal of it ringing up when his friend was there

It’s just upsetting, yes I said that I knew of two of his friends years and years ago, I also said that I thought something happened with him and me. I also said that doubtful one of them would remember me as it was so long ago. Next thing I know he’s ringing me up asking this guy if I’ve slept with him and having a go at me asking how I know him and did I sleep with him. The minute I say you told me etc etc at the hotel he says right in front of this friend no I didn’t.

I also did say I had a few drinks when we were at that hotel and so if I got it wrong about something happening with your friend then I’m sorry 😪

what else can I do