A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

@mummypigoink @Clytemnestra21 @OfcourseitsaNC @shivermetimbers77

thought I’d give you an update. He apologised for being distant and down, said he’d been like it with everyone. He then asked me over this week and said he would tell me more about why he was feeling down when he sees me. So will see what he says. I’m going to go because I’m intrigued to find out but on the other hand is it just a way to hook me back in. I think I should just rip the plaster off and tell him what I want and be done with it which isn’t a serious relationship as I can’t commit enough due to my daughter but it’s more of an exclusive casual thing I want really.

Good luck @Vvmumofone - exclusive casual is a good description of what I want too.. I think that’s totally fine to lay out what you want. Good luck!

Let us know how it goes @Vvmumofone
Hope everyone's okay x

I agree that it's good to tell him exactly what you want @Vvmumofone Are you prepared to walk away if he says he can't give you that?

When are you meeting him to chat?

Great question @OfcourseitsaNC
@shivermetimbers77 no judgment from me if you're not (I couldn't!)

@mummypigoink @shivermetimbers77 @Clytemnestra21 @OfcourseitsaNC

Went round this weekend. No mention of reasons why which I thought would be case but did let me take his jumper home as I hadn’t brought a coat and was cold. Then called me the next day so god knows.

didnt say anything as not quite ready yet. when I do if he’s not on same page. Then yes I’ll walk away.

Hey @Vvmumofone how are you feeling about it? Was it nice to see him?

@Clytemnestra21 it was but I’m keeping my distance a little so I don’t get too drawn in.

How is everyone? @Vvmumofone @OfcourseitsaNC @shivermetimbers77 @mummypigoink
I'm seeing my guy tomorrow for the first time in a couple of weeks. He hasn't been in touch much the last few days and I'm having a bit of a wobble. Still really like him but it nags at me that I'm sleeping with someone who sometimes just doesn't seem that into me.

@Clytemnestra21 im feeling frustrated. How can you ask someone when they are free, then you say the weekend and they go I might be, will let you know. Calls you on one of those days, sounds like they want you to come over, says they’ll text you. You hear nothing then the next day it’s a complete switch as if they aren't bothered saying they can’t do today and when you suggest other days just brushes it off as will need to see as not sure what I’ve got planned. I mean what the hell. I think he’s seeing someone but keeping me in the background and contemplating if to just ask him outright.

I guess it’s similar to you, all over you then doesn’t seem that bothered.

@Vvmumofone I think it’s time for you to walk away. He’s not being a friend and you’re not getting any benefits from this. short notice for things can be fine, being flakey is not. Add in all the previous stuff, this just seems like too much hard work.

@Clytemnestra21 how did it go with FwB? have you had your date?

@mummypigoink not yet: it's later today. I'm looking forward to seeing him despite everything. It's the periods in between when we're texting which is a nightmare.
@Vvmumofone I would be fed up if I were you. It isn't fair to when you're holding space to see someone and they don't give you clarity. If you know you're not seeing him you can at least get on and do something with the rest of your weekend. You deserve better than this.

So how did it go today @Clytemnestra21 ? Comfy blanket feeling back with you? Is the date still in the diary too?

I agree that you deserve better @Vvmumofone . It's not fair of him to leave you dangling all weekend.

@OfcourseitsaNC thanks for asking!

Loved seeing him. And now I'm full of longing again. No date to meet up again. No plan or certainty. It's brutal isn't it?
Date is in my diary though haven't caught up with the person at all since we made the date so we'll see: in the meantime I've put a really fun activity in the diary with a friend which gives me something to look forward to and have a mountain of work to keep me busy. So mustn't pine for FwB and his attentions.

Brutal is the word…

The rollercoaster is a painful one, that's for sure. I'm glad you're putting things in the diary. Hopefully they'll be enough to take your mind off FwB.

And you still have the date to look forward to.

Wishing you a peaceful head day.

Thank you @OfcourseitsaNC

Hey fellow survivors 👋
I'm feeling very rejected. FWB is acting very ambivalent about seeing me. I'm now feeling quite foolish about having been open about my feelings. On the meantime, the date cancelled so I'm out of options for plan B. Bit fed up

Oh, that's just rubbish for you. I audibly just sighed on your behalf.

Don't you dare feel foolish about opening up. He's been enjoying the game and then chosen to run away, as you tried to have an adult conversation with him.

Men are arses. There's no 2 ways about it.

Sending you lots of hugs and even more wine 🍷 💐

Be kind to yourself this weekend.

What @OfcourseitsaNC said @Clytemnestra21. Even down to the audible sigh.

Thanks @OfcourseitsaNC and @mummypigoink
I'm so cross with myself

Stop that thinking.

You behaved in a grown up way and expected a grown up response.

Not this childishness.

Hey there. I've been dabbling in fwbs for some time. I'm in the early stages of getting to know someone who has fwb potential. We've met once, had amazing sex, and we're looking at arranging our next meet and both expressed in the run up that we're hoping it's going to lead to regular meets.

This is the bit I hate the most though. The waiting, the second guessing etc even in a fwb situation, esp at the start when you barely know each other.

We're both not readily available all the time due to our home lives (both single parents).

It's clear it's not a relationship, that's fine too.

We did discuss in the week staying in contact and what we both like, we agreed no need for mornings and good night's or constant texting every day. But I said I liked to maintain contact, and we did have a little 'thank God it's Friday' exchange last night. His messaging style is quite brief, which maybe I'm also finding a little discombobulating.

In essence, we've agreed we want to meet again, we're waiting to hear if he can make the day we've talked about (requires babysitter) we're in touch, we've agreed that we both really enjoyed the sex and we've discussed what we want to do next time. It's all okay isn't it?

And if he decides it's not for him, I'll survive. I just hate the wait I think!

Don't know what I want I guess I just wanted to vent with people who know, as my friends are all in traditional relationships.

I want to just be in a fwb where it's settled, we aren't in each other's pockets but we're comfortable that we'll be seeing each other when we can.

Welcome to the tribe….

Hey @Duckduckgoose24 sounds like you know what you want which is awesome! X