A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

I’m ok, thank you @Clytemnestra21. I enjoyed the company and the attention and it’s left a hole my weekends that isn’t going to be filled. Sitting in by myself hurt and I feel even bloody worse for just eating takeaway all weekend. I know I’ll be fine on my own, I’ve done it for long enough and I know I need to find more acceptance in myself rather than using someone else to fill the gaps. But it still feels really lonely. So I get what you’re saying.

@Clytemnestra21 im confused to be honest. Caved and went yesterday. We went out for a drink to which he said, you’re not just here for sex are you? I mean talk about confusing! Not heard anything off him today which I knew would happen as he always goes quiet afterwards. Like what the actual. I get what you mean about feeling lonely when your children aren’t there. I think it’s about finding things to fill your time that will make you happy. It’s hard though I know.

Hi @Vvmumofone how're things going? I can understood you feeling 'what the actual' about him going silent. My FWB hasn't been in touch with me much for the last week. He has an excuse but I keep thinking if he'd wanted to be in touch h he would have. I'm a bit fed up of feeling anxious about when he'll contact me/whether I'll ever see him again: going for a coffee date with someone else in a couple of days. Feels like going through the motions but I need to find a way to unhook myself.

@Clytemnestra21 good luck with the coffee date

Thanks @mummypigoink just wish FWB would contact me

Now I’ve got a little bit of distance, this lack of contact is what is making me angry for you @Clytemnestra21. It might be FWB but you deserve certainty of what it is you are doing and not to be kept dangling and wondering. That’s the mistake I wouldn’t make again. I’ve just looked back and you are getting out there. Please find something better. You deserve more.

@Clytemnestra21 . I'm fine thankyou.

It's a shame as l really valued the support on this thread.

I have no issue with blunt advice as that helps me get my logical head on.... but l object to the personal attack telling me that l am annoying due to my head being so muddled ...and if they were my friend they wouldn't speak to me.

Completely unnecessary and not what this support thread was about

@NeedToAskPlease we are all still here if you need us.

Nobody has the right to personally attack anyone when they aren't in that situation themselves.

@NeedToAskPlease most of us ‘fessing up on this thread accept that we aren’t being or haven’t been sensible. So telling us we aren’t is a bit redundant.

@Clytemnestra21 have you had that coffee yet?

@NeedToAskPlease I'm definitely Not sensible bout my FwB - honestly I'm being a bit of a wally but I'm insanely attracted to him - think we're all on here to talk Bout sub/optimal situations.

@mummypigoink I did! Thanks for asking. He was nice. Meeting for a second date and he's invited me out for dinner - very unlike my FwB.

I'm nervous about date 2. But excited too. Maybe we'll date properly.

Awww that’s lovely @Clytemnestra21

Sounds like you have the butterflies @Clytemnestra21 😁 Dates are fun! Would you like to date this guy and see where things go or be in another FWB arrangement?

Has the xFWB been in contact with you yet? If he has/hasn't, how are you feeling about that?

@OfcourseitsaNC thanks for asking. Second date was nice and we kissed which was really lovely but other than a text when he got home I haven't heard from him so I'm wondering if we'll make it to a third.
I don't want another FwB- I want to fall in love.

FWB has been in touch to arrange a meet up but I'm still upset that he hasn't been keener to see me. So I'm not arranging with him until I know whether there'll be a third date.

Sounds like you know what you want and have decided how to play it.

If he's a good kisser, ime that's a sign of good in bed too 😁

Looking yet like there's a third date? And how are you finding it not contacting the (now hopefully x) FWB? That part is hard, isn't it, but eyes on the prize helps.

@OfcourseitsaNC update is there'll be no third date. Turns out he's pretty recently separated and not really ready to date (or maybe just had second thoughts after our second date). I'm trying not to take it personally but good to know early on. FWB is booked in for next time I'm free-Aaagh!

But point is people are interested in meeting you @Clytemnestra21 so keep swiping!! FWB is not your only option!!!

Thanks @mummypigoink I can't really be doing with the online thing, met the guy through a speed dating type thing: but feeling a bit exhausted from it all. I know I need to try again but it's hard.
How are you doing? Are you still seeing coffee guy?

I just need to completely accept that I’m not pretty enough or slim enough or young enough for anyone to want a relationship with me. I’m mostly there, just hard to accept being the only failure in my social circle.

@mummypigoink don't know you in real life but that's a brutal thing to say about yourself. You absolutely are enough and valuable and social and worthy of love (irrespective of looks). And success isn't dependent on being in a relationship!! Wish I could give you a big hug

Ha ha @Clytemnestra21 likewise! You deserve more!!

Thanks @mummypigoink

I'm struggling to concentrate on work today as keep checking Phone for messages from FwB. I'm aware how pathetic it is. And it's as much dopamine addiction and general horniness as anything else. But it's still hard to rein it in.

Absolutely don't take it personally. It's really good to know this early on.

You've got your FWB booked in as the back up, which is good. I get how frustrating it is that you can't stop checking for messages though. They get under the skin, don't they?

Today is a bit of a crappy day for me. I was supposed to be on a 3rd date today. He cancelled on Monday, as his car supposedly broke down whilst on holiday 200 miles away. I say supposedly, as he's overegged the story with far too much detail, making it feel like a lie. Monday's message also read that he knew he'd still be there today. He's not apologised, not even acknowledged, we were supposed to meet up today nor suggested we reschedule when his head is in the right place.

So I'm drinking wine and decided I'm not going to chase for a reschedule on date 3.

Meanwhile, I'm off to spend time with FWB at the weekend. As much as I like the date, this lack of care over cancelling my time has irked me. I've decided I'm not going to cancel FWB if date wants to reschedule for my pre arranged plans.

And this. IN SPADES @mummypigoink

@OfcourseitsaNC that’s the attitude!

Hi @mummypigoink -and @OfcourseitsaNC
How are you both?

I am now feeling rejected by my FwB too - (it's a long story and arisen from a conversation about logistics and when we might next see a h other - weirdly he's trying to organise a meet up but inadvertently letting me know how far down I am in the list of priorities in his life).

I feel sadness and hurt and rejection and a bit of humiliation. Feel it really strongly in my body. And got nowhere to go with it.

What's the answer to this vicious cycle?

Cut him off and go back to attempting to find a real relationship with all the effort and hopelessness and rejection (and in the meantime sexual frustration) that entails?

Overlook it and try to secretly harden my heart/keep my options open?
Celibacy - seek solace in work, family, friends, hobbies.

I really hate this moment. It's so uncomfortable. I have so much feeling and frustration and I'm just ignoring him.