A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

It's that feeling of being wanted that l crave so much too, so l totally understand.

Just in the short moment l believe that someone actually cares for me again.

Hello all
Just catching up on this thread. Hope everyone's ok. @NeedToAskPlease sounds like you're really aware of the need that your FwB fulfills which is a good start. I hope you're managing to hold firm on not contacting him. @Vvmumofone hope you're okay too. It's hard not to be tough on ourselves when we go back to them isn't it?
I saw mine recently. It was good; exchanged some nice messages afterwards.and in most recent one I was a little bit open about my feelings and now (predictably) he's gone silent again. Which I guess tells me what I need to know.

On the advice of my friends and to take my mind off him I went to a singles event. Matched with a guy I liked but when we followed up with contact he has a photo on his WhatsApp where he's cuddled up to a woman - clearly wife or partner- so that distraction has been short lived!!

What is it with these men!!! I'm many dating apps and there are so many photos on there with faces scribbled out or cropped.

l have messaged him twice now and have not had a response in a week... so l think this might be the end.

As much as l want it to continue, a friend said to me that it's never going to go back to what it was previously - and she's right.

It has been going downhill since February ever since l said how l wanted more enjoyment from sex by getting foreplay or being finished off after he'd cum - and he refused... .. but I'm not strong enough to stay away...so the best way forward is if he continues ghost me as horrible as it is.

@NeedToAskPlease I'm a little embarrassed for you and cringing.

You need to leave it, stop chasing him, he's not interested.

Eat the cake yourself.

I agree. It's pathetic.

I just wish l knew why l wasn't good enough for him to love and want me like he does his partner.

@NeedToAskPlease it isn't helping you to think of it in turns of not being good enough for him to love. You're absolutely good enough. But he isn't your person. He's committed to someone else. There are other people out there who are more deserving than him of your attention and affection. The sooner you look forward to what might be for you beyond this situation,the sooner you'll feel better.

I don't bloody believe it. He's messaged.

I'm truly gobsmacked.

Please tell me you’re not going to reply!

Don't reply.

He's really not worth your time or effort.

He's made it clear you aren't worth his time or effort, so repay the favour.

Particularly as he's so selfish in bed. He's just not worth it.

I really can't be bothered to even read it properly at the moment. I skim read it.

Sounds like he's sent a tome.

Tome?

A very long message

Hope you're ok @NeedToAskPlease

Thankyou for asking ❤️. I am absolutely fine.

To cut a long story short... the message was explaining and apologising for not keeping.in touch and how he processes messages slowly and how busy he is...

I've heard it all before so l wasn't that interested in reading it..

He then said how he's wanted to send nude pics and start up saucy conversations but he aware that isn't right when he hasn't had any normal conversations for a couple of weeks.

I did reply to that...in a very suggestive manner. Ended up going round and enjoyed ourselves.

I still haven't answered about the bulk of his messages because...if I'm honest... I'm not interested in having conversation, or spending time with him platonically. I basically want a physical connection of kissing and cuddling... (not even fussed about having sex) and that's it.

I got that last night so today l haven't felt compelled to be in contact

Enjoyed yourselves @NeedToAskPlease ?

Did he actually give you an orgasm this time and make sure you had pleasure too? As that's what you were moaning about further up the thread? That he didn't care at all about your enjoyment.

You've now decided you just want kissing and cuddling?

And this 2 days ago...

I just wish l knew why l wasn't good enough for him to love and want me like he does his partner.

You want him to love you?

It's clear you don't know what you want.

And that he's using you to get what he wants.

And you're letting him use you.

If you were my friend IRL, I'd no longer talk to you about this man. I couldn't tolerate your annoying nature over it and would have lost respect for you a long time ago.

And after this post, I'm now leaving this thread.

I thank those of you who have been supportive and wish you all well.

@NeedToAskPlease I think we’re just worried about you. FWB has said that he has intimacy/attachment issues, and perhaps you feel like it’s your duty to help fix him, as you really like him. I think some of us would like to see you free yourself from that feeling of wanting to fix him, as he hasn’t demonstrated that he’s willing to meet your sexual needs. You’ve clearly told him that you want more kissing and cuddling, plus some of the stimulation you like in sex, but he only wants blowjobs and the sex position he likes, end of. And he wants to contact you on his terms. We want to see you with a bloke who meets your intimacy and sexual needs, and FWB has said he can’t/won’t meet those needs. Perhaps the longer you spend chasing FWB, it’s preventing you from getting yourself out there to find “your person”. We’re looking out for your best interests.

Can a FWB scenario work with ex's? I've just come out of a near 2 year relationship and still in contact with my ex prior. We actually slept together a month ago and i want more, but not sure its its a relationship rekindle we want, a FWB or just friends. I know i need to have the conversation but don't want to get hurt!

We’ve ended it tonight. Kind of mutual: he didn’t love me and I didn’t love him but it was more his call and I’m still sad it’s over. And I get divorced this week. I’m fat, fifty and I know this is was it for me. There’s no point in any platitudes: no one will want me and I know this. I just want to tell someone I’m crying even though I know it’s for the best I’m no longer lying.

@mummypigoink big hugs to you, sorry you're feeling sad. Endings are so sad. And with the divorce going through you've got two going on. You'll be feeling down right now but don't tell yourself this is it. I think people go on to have relationships in their 50s too. But that might not be what you need to hear right now. Look after yourself.

Ouch @mummypigoink That sounds really hard. Allow yourself some time to grieve your losses and be good to yourself.

I hear you don't want platitudes. So make sure you focus on yourself and fall in love with you again. Listen to Miley Cyrus' Flowers A LOT. Loudly.

Thank you both @Clytemnestra21 and @OfcourseitsaNC I really appreciate the kind words

How are you doing @mummypigoink ?

-and is @NeedToAskPlease there? Hope you're all ok.

How is everyone coping with the end of the FWB situations?

I've been thinking a big driver of my attachment to my FWB is how lonely I am when my children are away. I have plenty of friends and try to meet up with them when my children are with their father but spending time with my FWB is a much more effective distraction from the loss of my family.