A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

I'm good thanks @Misshollys
I caved today and texted to ask if he was going to confirm. He did but felt a bit unenthusiastic so I'm thinking of cancelling:

It's so crap having to chase them for dates. The anxiety of waiting for mine to confirm was literally overwhelming.

If he's got a partner leave him alone, how desperate do you have to be to chase someone who's in a relationship and clearly doesn't give a flying fig about you

He’s in an open relationship, so has a few women in his life. But I do agree that PP should steer clear, he seems to put her last, which is not very kind IMO.

Being in a FWB situation has many different dynamics but we all should feel our needs are being met & from most of the posters here, it seems to be the opposite, these guys are getting what they want and when they want it. It's a really difficult situation to be in, to decide if you're happy with that, to wait till they're ready for you, or to walk away & look for something else.

@Misshollys you're so right. It's constantly weighing up, does this serve me more than it negatively impacts on me?
I'm doing better with the anxiety this time around. My friends have encouraged me to go on an app and I've been chatting to one or two people. I'm only really interested in my FwB but the attention helps calm my nerves about him a bit.

You never know, maybe you'll click with someone new & distract you away from the other guy. Good that you're on the apps anyways, I'm in process of planning a potential night away with the new man. 🥰

I'm at the same stage.... l know really that the negatives far outweigh any positives - especially if he wants to stay platonic.... but he still has me drawn to him.

I'm also on the apps and have been since last year as l knew l wanted more than what he can give - but no-one has that "pull" like he does.

But... it's now 11 days since l messaged him and I'm determined to not message again as the last twice l have been the one to send another "are you OK?" follow up message when he hasn't replied in over a week.... and so this will now be the "end" of us.... so maybe l will feel more interested in those l match with 🤷‍♀️

@NeedToAskPlease
I'm also on the apps and have been since last year as l knew l wanted more than what he can give - but no-one has that "pull" like he does.
This jumped out at me, are you giving anyone new the chance to have that "pull"
Sometimes we're so invested in the wrong thing for us, that we can't move on. Maybe it's not the case, but it just struck me.

@NeedToAskPlease hold off on messaging him, you can do it! Can you set yourself a goal to make at least one coffee date with someone from the apps to try to lead your thoughts and attention in that direction?
I had a back and forth on Friday with someone from an app. Ultimately he wasn't for me but it felt fun to do. And I told FwB I'm thinking of going on a date. He wasn't thrilled but didn't step up and ask to take me out either so I'm going to press on with searching for a date

Good advice.

I was chatting with one guy for a week, but he turned the conversation yesterday to how he hasn't had sex in ages and has to be satisfied by Paula Palm and her 5 friendly sisters.

I actually felt quite repulsed by his description and told him that l wasn't continuing.

I feel very angry and pissed off today and that's when my fingers start twitching and l send harsh but truthful messages.

I have sent one ... I'm not looking forward to his response as it will make me feel crappy for sending it as I'll have calmed down by then... but l also know this has to be the end now for us as it's impacting on my life so much.... and l need to come to terms with my message ending it.... or him completely ending it after reading it.

Definitely go on a date!! If FWB has his nose put out then he should do something about it!!

What did you tell him?

This is it:

"Haven't heard from you again, so either the awkwardness has set in.... or l have been relegated to the conversations that you just can't keep up with..... or you just can't be bothered.

None of them are favourable to me, and as you can hopefully tell I'm pissed off with how you behave towards me."

He said back in April when he didn't message for 3 weeks (and l sent a chasing one) that he'd meant to message but the awkwardness had set in as it was so long. "Keeping up with conversations" was referring to a message from him recently (when l sent a chasing one after over a week of no contact).... when he said he has been so busy he hasn't had time for normal conversations and has only kept up with a couple of "conversation threads".

Call him? 😊

@NeedToAskPlease sounds like you've been through a lot

And he sounds really undeserving of you

I really don't think he is a bad person or doing it on purpose .. and l think this is why l am so drawn to him still... l want to help him in some way. He said he is emotionally shy and doesn't feel things like other people. Although he knows he loves and cares for his partner.

It's such a muddle. He isn't good for me though and has caused so much heartache this past year with his inability to communicate that l know it's got to end

But l really don't want it too.... but he won't/can't/is unable to do what l need him to do, to make me feel happy and secure in our situationship (l can't call it a relationship as l don't think it was ever even that much)

Just make sure you don’t feel like you need to take it upon yourself to help him, like you say. It’s not your job to “fix” him, especially if that comes at an emotional cost to you.

I sent him a longer message basically telling him how l felt.

He eventually responded apologising (again) for how he treats me and saying how he can't handle everything at the moment and he doesn't know why he struggles more then normal people etc.

However a friend pointed out that he is still choosing who he is in contact with and I'm not important enough to make that cut.

I did respond sympathising etc and l left some cake on his doorstep... that was 2 days ago and no contact from him - hopefully a cat didn't eat it!

It was important to me that my last message was one of kindness but l don't think now that l will hear anymore from him.

@NeedToAskPlease You are being very gracious and generous to him, I can understand about you wanting to end with kindness but he really doesn't deserve your generosity. I can feel the hurt in your posts & I'm hopeful that you will try to move on, it may take some time for your head to adjust.
You deserve so much better, remember that,
Thinking of you here, go easy on yourself too, take care, xx

Well I’ve caved. Went round didn’t I. You know I’d really got to a point where I felt ok about things, I wasn’t texting him back all the time so much so he’d chase me. He even said he thinks we should go out sometime (this was before I went round). Now I just feel so low. He always goes quiet afterwards and it makes me feel so shit. The worst part is this time we fell asleep in each others arms and this made me feel so wanted at the time. I want to do NC but how when we work together. Bit of a mess right now.

@NeedToAskPlease i hope you are ok. He doesn’t sound nice. I hope you can move on from him. You deserve someone so much better.

Girls, girls.

Have some respect for yourselves.

You are so far above these cunts who are treating you like crap.

There's always another dick out there.