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Original poster

Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

367 replies

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:02

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off!
What the hell could be going on?

OP posts:
FrostieBoabby · 30/12/2023 01:23

DH ExWife is like this, she had an affair and left him for a grotty ex criminal. That was many years ago and the new exciting criminal bloke didn't hang around for long. When DH met me a couple of years later she went mental, back in the day I was quite pretty and slim and she hated me for it 🤣. She cocked up as DH is one of lifes really good ones and she's been a miserable spiteful singleton ever since.

Over 20 years now that she's held a grudge against DH for moving on and being happy without her.

Ramalangadingdong · 30/12/2023 01:33

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:36

@HamBone
no I didn’t misread or misunderstand OP. If OP is so over her ex why is she still posting about him?

Because when she bumps into him he has a dramatic reaction to her. It doesn’t sound as though she is in love with him. Far from it.

BestZebbie · 30/12/2023 01:35

It is because through some kind of mysterious female witchery you have ended up having a lovely life of pleasing yourself without needing to worry about things like childcare, while he has to go straight home from work to do nursery pick-up.
And it was supposed to be the other way around!

Duckingella · 30/12/2023 01:41

I'm guessing (from the maths that you were 22 years married and it's been 7 years since he left) that your ex Husband is 50+

Becoming a dad again at his age has probably turned out to be really shit and the excitement of the affair doesn't slap anymore as he's having to deal with toddlers who should have been his grandchildren not his actual children and two tiny potty training,whining,dribbling little people mean no more fun spontaneous sex and doing what he wants not to mention he'll probably have to now work past retirement age to afford them.

Whereas you're living the freer life that comes with having adult children and can retire at the appropriate age and can get a full nights sleep instead of doing the whole baby/toddler stage again.

He's projecting;it's his problem not yours.

Wateroverwine · 30/12/2023 02:33

I suspect you aren't telling the full story. I'm sure you did stuff to him in anger at that time he is angry about still

Pretying · 30/12/2023 02:39

Duckingella · 30/12/2023 01:41

I'm guessing (from the maths that you were 22 years married and it's been 7 years since he left) that your ex Husband is 50+

Becoming a dad again at his age has probably turned out to be really shit and the excitement of the affair doesn't slap anymore as he's having to deal with toddlers who should have been his grandchildren not his actual children and two tiny potty training,whining,dribbling little people mean no more fun spontaneous sex and doing what he wants not to mention he'll probably have to now work past retirement age to afford them.

Whereas you're living the freer life that comes with having adult children and can retire at the appropriate age and can get a full nights sleep instead of doing the whole baby/toddler stage again.

He's projecting;it's his problem not yours.

Yes it's delicious isn't it.

And we havn't even got to the stage whereby his kids are embarrased at the school gate because dad looks like grandad. 😂

JamSandle · 30/12/2023 02:40

Probably not enjoying a second go around with children...

Pretying · 30/12/2023 02:46

Wateroverwine · 30/12/2023 02:33

I suspect you aren't telling the full story. I'm sure you did stuff to him in anger at that time he is angry about still

Rediculous comment.

RantyAnty · 30/12/2023 03:10

Well you did end up better deal and he got another round of dirty nappies!😂

My ex is like that too. Very angry and hateful except he ended up alone.
Dumb dumb blew up his marriage over some strange!

I enjoy it though as I can clearly picture his smug look when he thought he was going to have a better life with OW and I was devastated.

Maybe he's just a miserable person inside.

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2023 03:15

jeffuk2015 · 29/12/2023 23:02

Have you asked him? Sounds like he's putting on a performance.
Real men don't get angry when they've got a score to settle.
They stay quiet, cooperative, polite, smile and then make sure you get what's coming later.

Edited

Real men? What are all those perambulating assholes acting out all over the place, fake men?

RantyAnty · 30/12/2023 03:26

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:24

Talk about hearing one side of the story!

DH’s ex hates me and I wasn’t even OW, she just treated me like it. She also claims to be so over him but never stops complaining years later. Sounds a bit like you OP!

If you’re genuinely so over it why are you still bothered? Move on.

So you married an old guy with nearly grown kids and now you have toddlers?

BeggyMitchell · 30/12/2023 04:16

Real men? What are all those perambulating assholes acting out all over the place, fake men?

LOL.

Jk8 · 30/12/2023 04:49

Did you get a 'good' settlement (fair amount) & the reality of being married with young kids but only half a house/loss of savings/pension in his 40's/50' ect is considerably worst then in his 20's/30's

Honestly if the marriage ended badly (it did!) & your kids are grown up I wouldn't be acknowledging him let alone saying hi in a supermarket anyway so it sounds like you goad each other in different ways

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/12/2023 05:53

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 29/12/2023 23:11

@Lifeomars mine hasn't got enough life in him to be deemed animated. Yours must be a better model.

😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/12/2023 06:02

I think the worst thing was when I was diagnosed with cancer and when I said I'd need some support with our 8 yo while I had treatment, OW decided to ban my child from visiting his father and as a result I got a stream of abuse from my him about how it was my fault, I'd brought it all on myself and he didn't give a fuck about my cancer. He was vile.

@TheFormidableMrsC - this is horrific. I'm so sorry that you had to experience this. Even if he had had cause to loathe you (which I'm sure he hadn't), he should have been there for his child, and so should his bitch-wife. When serious illness or anything equally terrifying or debilitating rears its ugly head, then it is only human nature (I would have thought) to step up and help out. I have done this for people I've hardly known, and someone once did it for me.

To leave an ill, worried woman struggling with her illness and trying not to let her child see how worried she is, is appalling!

@Lovemybunnies - Is anyone else feeling heart broken for all these poor second time around kids with dads who resent them?

I am bunnies. Poor little mites. None of this is their fault, but they'll pick up on their father's resentment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2023 06:07

I got home once to my joint house with exH. He was asleep on the sofa. I looked at him and had the clearest thought, possibly ever, "you aren't my problem any more". It was a delightful spray of cold water in the face.

So he's angry, so he hates you, so he's whatever? Who, and I cannot stress this enough, fucking cares? Learn Let It Go pitch Perfect and sing it to yourself. Channel Elsa.

Tontostitis · 30/12/2023 06:12

All these posters saying why do you care, that they wouldn't evenacknowledge him, it doesn't matter if he's rude. You are going to be joint parents for your whole lives, your children will become adults with relationships with these men. Your grandchildren will be shared with them. It's really normal to rather have a good relationship moving forward than a bad one especially when you didn't lie cheat or even leave.

BeggyMitchell · 30/12/2023 06:21

I think the whole situation touched a nerve with many of the 'whydoyoucare' peeps.

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 06:22

Brynandwin · 29/12/2023 22:23

I see these men all the time, I’m sure everyone else does too. Thought the grass was greener, has new young family in middle age, looks permanently harassed and skint. Ex wife inevitably looks amazing, and has her shit together .

Yes we do.

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 06:24

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:36

@HamBone
no I didn’t misread or misunderstand OP. If OP is so over her ex why is she still posting about him?

Because she wants to be in friendly terms for sake of family/ adult kids as pp.

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 06:35

Lovemybunnies · 29/12/2023 23:24

Is anyone else feeling heart broken for all these poor second time around kids with dads who resent them? 😢

To be fair I feel sorry for all the kids involved.

Whatineed · 30/12/2023 06:44

GodDammitCecil · 29/12/2023 19:25

Two toddlers at his age.

How absolutely delightful for him. 😇

Yes I was thinking this. Sleep deprivation must be awful at that age.

I have an old school friend who is now 54. Left his wife of 20 years and cut contact with his adult son to marry a 30 year old from his workplace. He has two kids under 3. Even his trendy young man bun doesn't cover up the exhaustion on his face in the "matching pyjamas under the Christmas tree" photos.

I honestly don't know how he does it. I don't think I could cope with two toddlers at this age. Let alone with an insecure jealous wife to add into the mix.

What do your adult DC say about it when he bad mouths you to them op?

zaazaazoo · 30/12/2023 07:04

Lookingafteraplant · 29/12/2023 20:32

You just want us all to say he’s really unhappy and made a bad choice. Perhaps. Or perhaps he just really hates you 🤷🏼

Yes but hate this visceral stems from something. And that something is likely his unhappiness.

Drinkinggreentea · 30/12/2023 07:21

OwlWeiwei · 29/12/2023 22:12

I've noticed some men - lots of men - find it impossible to take responsibility for breaking up a family and reneging on marriage vows and the only way they can cope with what they have done is to demonise the ex wife. Turn her into spawn of Satan in their minds, so they don't have to acknowledge their own shoddy morals and actions. Is he one of this kind?

I think it's for this reason he's angry with you. He has convinced himself that he's the victim as you somehow pushed him into the affair and therefore ruined his life. My ex treats me the same..

Paul2023 · 30/12/2023 08:04

I think the worst thing was when I was diagnosed with cancer and when I said I'd need some support with our 8 yo while I had treatment, OW decided to ban my child from visiting his father and as a result I got a stream of abuse from my him about how it was my fault, I'd brought it all on myself and he didn't give a fuck about my cancer. He was vile.

Both your ex husband and his new wife sound vile and deserve each other. Fancy stopping your new husband from seeing his own child from a previous relationship, let alone when the mother of that child is ill.

I never understood how a woman, who had an affair with a married man , usually with children , can turn on the ex wife.

Why do some of these women do this ? They get involved with married men , make them leave their wives and are horrible to their ex wives? Why ? Especially when it comes to money ? It’s like they think their new partners deserve to walk away with everything and leave their wives with nothing. I don’t understand their mentality.