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Original poster

Why is ex husband angry all the time, yet he married OW?

367 replies

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:02

Ex husband left me for OW. Married her and had two more children. Needless to say, the end of a long marriage was painful in the extreme, but it was 7 years ago now and I'm totally out the other side and very happy with my life.
That said, the ex husband seems to be full of rage towards me for some weird reason, considering it was HE who had the affair and left the family. He makes snidey comments to our kids about me and if I bump into him in the local area, he literally grimaces and looks like he'd like to rip my head off!
What the hell could be going on?

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 29/12/2023 23:51

Viviennemary · 29/12/2023 23:42

He is angry because you have made a life without him. He is not a happy man.

And he's stuck dealing with toddlers again while OP has a pleasant adult-oriented life.

FishBowlSwimmer · 29/12/2023 23:59

Same thing here too. ExH left me for OW, then got very angry with me for some strange reason. My gut instinct was that he was mad that I wasn't devastated. I was but I had to carry on for our 6YO. He got even angrier when OW left him for his best friend a year later and I wouldn't take him back. Karma is a bitch and I love her!

He's fine now that in his own mind he's doing better than me, bigger house mainly, so he can be ok with me now, took a decade or so though. He also told everyone that I cheated on him.

Paul2023 · 30/12/2023 00:04

I’m sorry I haven’t read all the posts on this thread.
Your joint kids are grown up , why do you need or have any contact with your ex at all ? Apart from your kids future weddings , or grandkids, you don’t need any contact with him.

Do your kids tell you OP that your ex slags you off to them ? What do they say ? Why do they entertain his bullshit ?

Presumably they know the truth and it was him who left and had the affair ? Do they like or get on with his new wife ?

Saggypants · 30/12/2023 00:04

This thread is a joy to read.

My XH hated of everything about me, and was actively seeking out other women. So I did him a favour and left him - which he absolutely despises me for. Apparently I was meant to hang around so we could both be utterly miserable forever.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/12/2023 00:08

Paul2023 · 30/12/2023 00:04

I’m sorry I haven’t read all the posts on this thread.
Your joint kids are grown up , why do you need or have any contact with your ex at all ? Apart from your kids future weddings , or grandkids, you don’t need any contact with him.

Do your kids tell you OP that your ex slags you off to them ? What do they say ? Why do they entertain his bullshit ?

Presumably they know the truth and it was him who left and had the affair ? Do they like or get on with his new wife ?

She bumped into him in the supermarket and he was vile to her.

Paul2023 · 30/12/2023 00:10

Also OP, presumably if he hadn’t buggered off with another woman and had two more kids with her , he would still be married to you , with just your grown up children.
Nice holidays , looking forward to a future.

He sounds like an arse and deserves what he gets.

Ponderingwindow · 30/12/2023 00:15

Note to men going through a midlife crisis, be a stereotype and buy a sports car. It’s cheaper than a new wife and much more fun at your age than a couple of toddlers.

Dd is a teen and I’m loving middle age. I can even see the coming beauty of the empty nest, despite the fact that I know we will miss her terribly. Having a baby right now would be horrible

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 00:18

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2023 19:08

The grass wasn't greener OP and he can't bear to admit it to you or anyone else.

All too familiar story - my ex actually got divorced from ow after 20 years - I just felt very sad for him.
I in the other hand am living my best life and count my lucky stars every day.

TheMoreYouKnow · 30/12/2023 00:20

Happiness is the best revenge. Maybe you look better than when you were with him and he's stressed out with toddlers?
Don't waste your time thinking about him. He's done with. A bitter man who got what he ran after and then didn't want it!!

Yeahno · 30/12/2023 00:21

Did you take all "his" money? Maybe he thought you were just going to vanish with nothing and he would carry on as normal but with a different woman and that hasn't happened.

declutteringmymind · 30/12/2023 00:23

Jealous, sleep deprived and probably skint I reckon.

JFDIYOLO · 30/12/2023 00:26

Is it possible he's afraid of what she might do, if he shows the slightest hint of pleasant behaviour towards you? No-one but them will know what their relationship is really like.

She must be watching him like a hawk - because she knows what he is.

He's probably knackered as an older man with toddlers, watching you have the relationship with the grown children he threw away, and all the financial pressures he'll be under.

He'll have created himself a fancy narrative around how it was all your fault, how you drove him to it, and he may have deluded himself into believing it

You've also committed the terrible sin of being happy. Without him. Away from his control.

Do you, perhaps, look great? Maybe ... better than she does? Having toddlers does take it out of you and probably means sex is off the menu for him, for now.

Poooooor him .......

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 00:32

Workworkandmoreworknow · 29/12/2023 20:20

My ex is the same. In my opinion, people who have affairs are looking to get away from some thing that they mistakenly believe is their spouse. Reality is they are the problem, and the problem therefore just moves with them.

So when they look back, you appear happy, relaxed and problem-free and they just can't understand why. Hence the hate, 'cos you're OK, you 'won'.

THIS SO THIS

Easipeelerie · 30/12/2023 00:35

It’s probably fuelled by his new wife. If, as you say, she’s jealous, she will be badmouthing you and whipping him up to hate you.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/12/2023 00:47

Because life as a walking cliché isn't fun.

Man has affair. Leaves wife for younger woman. Has less money. Second round of kids arrive when his first round are near grown, even less money too. The affair is over, the best bits are gone, the endless sex, attention and just the two of them.

Now relationship number 2 is as mundane as relationship 1 as life is like that. The excitement has been replaced by routine.

Wife no 2 "nags" him over the same stuff wife no 1 did because he still has the same shortcomings. Now 2 women thinks he's mediocre whereas 2 thought he was great initially.

He resents the second set of kids. The first set think he's a twat. The gloss has worn off with the second wife but he can't go back. If he wants to go forward, he's even more broke and probably more kids.

It's all your fault op. If you had just allowed him cheat and turned a blind eye, he could have had the comfort and stability of life 1, and the excitement of life 2. No financial impact and unlikely to have additional kids. Could you not just have tolerated his shit so he could gave everything he wanted?!

Banquet · 30/12/2023 00:49

Ha revenge is a dish best served cold

TammyJones · 30/12/2023 00:54

Lookingafteraplant · 29/12/2023 20:32

You just want us all to say he’s really unhappy and made a bad choice. Perhaps. Or perhaps he just really hates you 🤷🏼

I suppose no one knows, but historically it's likely to be 'all of the above.'

My friend, who's ex dh went off with her ex best friend- who she'd looked after when ex best friends ex dh had left for ow (Hope that makes sense)
My friend had her ex dh sobbing on the phone wanting to come home ....she had by this time met a wonderful man , who made her so much happier than ex her had.
It was too late.

Olive19741205 · 30/12/2023 00:58

LBFseBrom · 29/12/2023 21:18

I thought that but why not ask him, op? You have a right to know why he is angry with you.

Show quote history

They don't ever give the truth. My ex was like this. He had an affair, left for other woman. I wanted to be amicable for DDs sake. The nicer and calmer I was, the more he hated me. I wasn't always nice and calm but after the initial devastation and arguing, I just wanted peace. He hated that. I asked him why he hated me he just laughed.

Paul2023 · 30/12/2023 01:00

The OPs ex husband probably lays in bed at night, pondering what he did with his life.
Then he’s woken up by two toddlers..he created a new reality for himself and he has to live with it.

Meanwhile the OP sleeps soundly in her bed with no distractions or feelings of guilt..

Codlingmoths · 30/12/2023 01:01

You just laugh a little and say I see you’re realising you haven’t made good choices.

Olive19741205 · 30/12/2023 01:09

Hatenewyear · 29/12/2023 22:36

@HamBone
no I didn’t misread or misunderstand OP. If OP is so over her ex why is she still posting about him?

Because she happened to meet him in the supermarket and he was full of rage at her and she's confused. She's not posting randomly after years of not seeing him.

PinkCandles · 30/12/2023 01:10

pinkslippers2023 · 29/12/2023 19:13

New kids are toddlers. Our joint kids are adults.
THe new wife is extremely jealous from what I hear.
Just makes this shit for all of our family as it'd be so much easier just to be pleasant after all these years !

My kids are nearly adults and I wouldn't fancy bringing up toddlers again now. Maybe he sees you enjoying a more carefree life and is furious he's changing nappies/hanging out at soft play and being woken up at 5am all over again. Envy?

PinkCandles · 30/12/2023 01:12

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:09

God give me strength, what do you think that’s what she wants to hear, so you will say it even though it’s likely the furthest thing from the truth?

op, I don’t know why he hates you. We can’t guess.

Show quote history

Are you in the same situation as the ex? You sound angry like him and are talking bollocks. Beggy made a valid suggestion.

PinkCandles · 30/12/2023 01:18

I don't envy the OW having to parent with such a furious little man. Nightmare. Glad things worked out well for you op. Seems like natural justice has occurred.

Hopelessnessness · 30/12/2023 01:20

SO TRUE. Ex left me, angry about having child and hating family life, met new woman who wants kids and is doing it all over again. Has done other dodgy things, that don’t fit with his view of himself, so it has to be all my fault, because otherwise it might be his, and that would be unbearable. Someone said to me recently - why do so many women have to be collateral damage for men’s lack of self knowledge…